A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[Doolhof]

Hi Precious People,

I'm including Everyone in this message so I don't inadvertently miss anyone out.

It is rough when we feel like we are going backwards more than forward, when we feel like we are screaming out for help yet no one near us seems to be listening, when we come here to the forum and feel like we are being ignored.

People here on the forums try to do the best they can with supporting each other. Mental health issues can cloud our feelings, thoughts and emotions as I am so sure all of you are aware. It really sucks when all of these good wishes, the encouragement and thoughtful responses just don't register in our minds for some reason.

I know I personally have trouble at times accepting people's best wishes and kind words addressed to me.

Even if messages aren't addressed to me personally, I am going to try to make the most of the kindness and encouragement that is shared on this forum.

For each of you, I wish you a sense of knowing you are important, you are worthy, you are not invisible, you count!

Hugs to you all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Wolfy and all hiyaz

I haven't posted for a while Wolfy but am following here and cards on the table 😁 there are two genuine reasons I'm inviting you and all welcome to a party at Mandys place (Am I opening Pandoras box) on friday sometime it's going to be fun and apart from your good company mean that also drum roll please ..ulterior motive but other reasons true true we'd like you and Grandys going anyway for your talent at taking us to fantasy land if you cant make it no probs no pressure Dools Music Perlia hi we haven't met I don't think most people call me incredible 😄 I also go by DB or Deebi Deebs you're all welcome to come. Open door

Wolfy was thinking bout you, could you start up a support group for your job because can't remember name but someone here is in same boat. I mean in rl real life

Take care good peeps

[demonblaster]

Oops meant to congratulate you on your now Im getting mixed up but really good psss was it 4.75 outta 5. Great job 🎉🎈

It was Guest_4??numbers who also cops it hard so there would no doubt be others too

Go easy budz

[demonblaster]

Hi all hope yous can come for some funnnn tonight or soon
new venue this is the one now

Social zone... "All Welcome to the BB Weetbix Willow (WW) party function centre"

Any time from now

Fantasy fun zaney escape from pain ... OPEN DOOR all WELCOME spread the word

[PamelaR]

Such a sad poem Wolfy! Life is a roller coaster that gives you the ride for life. Truly impressed with your greek results 🙂 Go wolfy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Smallwolf,

Your poem is has strength but sadness as well, you have a way with words, I've always said that words written in the correct order are extremely powerful.

Congratulations on your near perfect score on your Greek,

Roller coaster can advanced to the Big Dipper, take care Smallwolf.. Take things slow and mindful Smallwolf, be kind to you..

Kind thoughts.

Grandy.🌈

[PamelaR]

Hiya Tim

Haven't seen you around for a few days. You travelling ok? Anything you want to rant about?

Happy to listen.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Music_Freak]

I echo PamelaR's thoughtful post

I hope all is OK

[smallwolf]

Helping wife (I will identify as "A") resolve issues in swimming club. She has been crying, and I am providing advice and support to her. On top of that, studying not happening.

I had a bit of an anxiety attack on Saturday. Can't remember exactly what happened, but I was looking for something on PC and hadc3 emails asking about something I had no knowledge of. So that was in my mind all weekend.

I vowed (on Sun) that if anyone asked how I was, I would reply "absolutely crap". so I had work issues, swimming club, and lack of needed study. It was a little overwhelming.

Fast forward to today... A friend of"A" is also suffering and needs psych because of work related issues including bullying and other issues. Had a chat with her today also, offering support. I got up at 5am today to do some missed studies. Will probably have to do same tomorrow.

So I was in a rather dark place when outwardly I presented differently. Had thoughts of harming but that would be caving in, and i don't want those other idiots to win.

[PamelaR]

Good rant SW

Sorry to hear you're in a dark place but pleased you ain't going to let the idiots win!

You sound like you need some sleep though. It's hard supporting someone else when you need support yourself. You are so kind, caring and give so much to others. Be kind to yourself.

I found a poem for you SW about 2 wolves. You may have read this one before.

They say that there are two wolves
the victor is the one you feed.
I never thought that phrase so true
till it happened to me.

'Stupid, selfish, waste of space'
it spat as I feed it more.
'Messy, ugly, out of place'
Digging in its claws, ripping me raw.

They say that there are two wolves
the victor is the one you feed.
I never thought that phrase so true
till it happened to me.

'Smart, kind, full of grace'
it whispered as I feed it more.
'Learning, gorgeous, has a place'
warmth in its eyes as if a lure.

The choice is yours as you can see
it depends on you which one you feed