Two friends, one lost

[Jamzies]

Hi all,

I would desperately like to express my deepest feelings I had when I heard the news, if I could. Yet my mind fails to come up with a reasonable response like I didn't care. I DO care.

I'm stuttering to write meaningful sentences, but these sentences honestly feel dull and bland. One might say I sound neutral, but I'm not trying to be. I really do care about such a friend. It's almost as if my body feels painless despite being stabbed, and that pain can't even register.

I had expected a simple conversation, the usual chats from my mother after tennis training. But the sudden gloomy sentence of "terrible news" had sent me into confusion. "H passed away in his sleep this morning. If you want to say the last goodbye, I'll let you know when the funeral is."

(I've abbreviated his name as I do not feel like disclosing it now.)

It was over. It could not be. He was such a great friend from primary school, and we stayed together until secondary school where I left to seek the prestigious schools. To see him gone and never be capable of returning just feels like being stabbed in the back, yet not notice any pain."This fate just wants to take everything I love and slowly destroy it!" I would think. Am I feeling insensitive, or is something wrong with me?

I wish I could have wrung out some of my spare time, perhaps to see him again, enjoy lunch together, to at least cherish our friendship once more. But as much as I beg, it simply won't come back.

Sorry if I can't think of a better way to describe this event. Perhaps I'll return with more info when I make up my mind.

JZ

[Matchy69]

Hi Jamzie it sounds like you have had a real sad lost and i think it is perfectly normal for what you are experiencing.I think losing a friend you have known from primary school can be the hardest to lose.You shared so much time with this person in school and they are the ones you remember most fondly.You also realize you are not mortal yourself.Remember your great friend fondly and if you want to share some more of your feelings or memories it is great place to do it

Take care,

Mark.

[Jamzies]

Hi Matchy (Mark),

I never expected a reply so quick from the community - do escuse my delay in replying to your post. As you said, it is normal to lose such a friend in your life, yet this time was a real pain to deal with.

I have previously experienced the same fate impact a more distant "friend" (tutor), and the funeral that ensued was a truly emotional and saddening experience for my parents and myself. It just feels like a violation to be treated as such, but nobody can really be blamed.

Since there was not much info in the last post, I feel this is a suitable time to disclose some info about such a friend. He wasn't like all the others, being vision and hearing impaired. Even with his disadvantages, I would help anyway, starting from primary before continuing up to secondary. While his death was ambiguous and such a recent event, I have known of a few students who have received such information as well. From what I know, they seem to believe that I was the hardest hit, and I appreciate their concerns. He was gone too soon despite his impairments.

You meant a lot in my life. I know you are in a better place, my friend, and we shall meet again.

(I'm still appaled at how I don't feel too emotional. Maybe I know how to cope, but I still want to express that I think of him fondly.)

[Matchy69]

Hi Jamzies I seem to spend a bit of time on here.I just want people to know their are people on here who will listen and care.He sounds like an amazing friend and a real fighter with him being visually and hearing impaired.I have a cousin who is vision impaired and he is amazing how he uses his little eyesight he has.I feel privileged to know him.He makes the best of his dissability.

Some funerals can be such emotional and then some dont seem to be so emotional.The way we react to such sad news can vary to shock and not knowing what to say to tears falling down your face shaking with disbelief.The way you outwardly show your reaction to some sad news does not allways reflect how you are feeling inside.Dont be to hard on yourself about showing your emotion to the lost of your friend.You will mourn it in your own way.

Take care,

Mark.

[Jamzies]

Hi Mark,

May as well pop in here for an update after a few days of thought - it's been a while.

I could say that the pain and grief of his loss is now dulling as I reshift my focus. Occasionally I would have a flashback to his death, perhaps thinking for a few minutes as I studied in the school library or went on with life. It would just be a sudden thought; nothing emotional.

Slowly but surely, things are getting better. The funeral is yet to come, but it will probably be fine. I'll likely post again when all the emotions and tears fade away. Thank you for all the positive advice.

JZ

[Matchy69]

Hi Jamzies that is great that you are dealing with your lost better.Time is the best healer.I hope you can say good by to your friend at the funeral and remember the good times with your friend.

Take care,

Mark.