my lovely dad

[Bridge]

just need to say this:

my dad is dying,  not fast.  maybe not fast enough. 

Each day or so I go and see him.  he gets a bit more unravelled each day.  each day another little piece of him that was there has disappeared.

he is confused and anxious

I am grieving.

it makes me cry.

Bridge

[Guest_3712]

Hi Bridge,

A few weeks ago I posted my story about farewelling my dear mother in law; as she lay dying in hospital.

To this day it is the most awesome and empowering experience ever which out of context sounds strange, but to be able to tell someone how you feel about them and what they mean to you at such a time, is an opportunity not to be missed.

If you can tell your dad what is in your heart now while he can still appreciate it.

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[geoff]

dear Bridge, the love you have for him is just so beautiful, and of course it would have been the same for him watching you grow up, and although he may not be able to tell you now that he loves you, it's in his heart.

Nature can be cruel at times, because when my Mum went into a nursing home, mentally there was nothing wrong with her but she couldn't walk after an operation, and to watch her deteriorate over a 10 year period, she became a vegetable.

It's one of the saddest times in our lives, and I hope the very best for you.  L Geoff. x

[white knight]

Dear Bridge,

Sorry to hear about your dad.  Everyone grieves differently. I found myself searching for the wonder in my dad, those certain little characteristics that made him who he was. Hanging onto those helped me keep going. Like his smile.  As a young boy that's all I needed from him to make me feel happy.  Hope that helps. And time.....the best healer. And you? He would be so proud of your post.

DADS SMILE

An old porch chair where my dad once sat

a smoke in his hands and slippers on a mat

I remember when he'd laugh and smile at me

and I'd return that honour almost instantly

My thoughts are such now that dad has passed away

I glance at that chair each and every day

sorrow fills my heart and in a way its sad

that I still look at that chair and still smile at my dad

But all's not lost and I dont waste my time

cause I still see his face smiling just like mine

yes in the old porch chair where my dad once sat

is his smoke in his hand and slippers on a mat......

[Neil_1]

Dear Bridge

Wonderful responses received from Stressless and Geoff, who’ve both been through such a situation.  Again, I can understand your feelings – as my Dad was taken by leukemia after a 5 year battle in 2007.  Each day we would be there with him at the hospital – talking to him, even reading to him – and above all, telling how much he meant to us and how much we LOVED him.

Stressless’s reply to you was beautiful – go there, be with him and tell him – these are extremely traumatic times and emotionally draining.  But it is so important to do this now.

Thank you for being able to share this with us.

Kind regards

Neil

[Bridge]

thanks everyone.

you are all so kind and generous.

reading it made me weep a little more, but happier weeping.

I am letting him know how much i love him by spending time with him.  Its hard at the moment as he has just gone into a nursing home permanently, and he is very confused, particually in the evenings after work when i visit. everyone in the family is finding it hard to visit him there.  previously he was living with us, but it was getting impossible.

2 years ago i bought myself a horse, as i was riding a lot and competing.  It was my 40th birthday present to myself, so i could stop riding everyone else's difficult ponies.

Since we realised that dad needed help ive stopped riding pretty much, and spent the time that i would have spent with the horse, with him.  which is considerable.

 I need to remember this sometimes.its been quite a big sacrifice on my part, and i wouldnt have it any other way.  im really glad ive had the opportunity to do it.

however, i have taken the day off work today as the black dog has been nipping at my heels all week.  I think i will see if i can go and take said horse for a walk through the bush. nothing fast, nothing fancy, just a nice wander through the quiet.

dad has a kind of dementia- it usually takes about 7 years from diagnosis to death.  we are i would guess at about year 4  or 5.  he still knows who we all are, (though he gets a bit baffled with the grandchildren). he still worries about where his cars are and if they are safe.  most nights he believes he is on a car rally somewhere, staying in a country town in victoria, though lately he has been running a mining company just out of adelaide.  apparently the money is really good but he hates living there and thinks he'll come home pretty soon.  occassionally we have a really lucid conversation about the people around us while we wait for a cup of tea at the nursing home.

this weekend i plan to take his old car (1950s mercedes benz, very swanky), pick him up and drive out of melboune to the winerys and have lunch with him.  I hope he likes it.  hope I'm up to it. hope the bloody thing doesnt break down!

thanks for reading. its good to just say this stuff and get it off your chest.

thanks everyone for your replies.

hugs all round to our dads.

bridge

[Neil_1]

Dear Bridge

Thank you so much for sharing this – this is so beautiful to read, it really is.  🙂

What you’re doing now will be with you forever – and drink these moments in and let them sink deep into your mind – because in future years, you’ll have these absolutely wonderful memories.  It WILL be absolutely laced with sadness also – you won’t be able to help that – BUT just knowing what you’re doing now is just so so special.

That sounds like a brilliant plan to get your Dad out for a lovely drive and a nice lunch. 

I don’t know if you or your dad like photos, etc, but at this time for these moments, it might be something to try to capture some of them with photos – you and your dad enjoying lunch or a sip of wine (if that is what you’re able to do) – you know with some nice trees in the background, etc.

This is a really beautiful thread that you’ve got going – a beautiful subject and just so heart-felt.  Thank you for doing this.

Neil

[white knight]

Dear Bridge,

I share Neils sentiments. A beautiful story and I can picture you driving through the hills to a nice place for lunch. A smile from your dad, one smile  would be the reward to you.

You've touched my heart.