My ex-boyfriend has committed suicide

[Summersunnic]

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laughing emojis saying you will understand. I really didn’t worry about those messages at that time since he always used t0 say stuff like that. Then i went to work and called him during my break time but not answered. After two days his aunt called me and said that he has taken his own life. I am so shocked and sad and dealing with soo much emotions. I am finding the peace through prayer and taking to others. However, throughout the relationship he was very unhealthy to me and that was the reason for me to break up with him. But up until now I didn’t know that he has lied to me soo much and has had previous marriages that he didn’t tell me about. He got kids from those marriages as well. I feel so betrayed and shocked and i feel sick from top to bottom. Not only marriages he lied to a lot about himself and everything. He lied to me about his age and and i told me only after 6 months after starting the relationship. He was very much unheathy to me. i am sad for him and his family. But the family doesn’t contact me or tell me anything about him. Please can anyone tell me what is going on? I have also stated counselling.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, 

Thank you so much for having the strength to share this. We are incredibly sorry for your loss. We hope our community spots your post and can provide some comfort in their kind words, some of whom may be able to relate to some of what you’re going through.  

We are glad to hear that you've started counselling as it's important to give yourself the time and space to process this sudden loss. Our lovely friends at Griefline are available 6am-midnight AEDT every day on 1300 845 745. They offer confidential counselling support, free of charge, to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but can also provide you with advice and referrals if you would like some recommendations for more ongoing support.  

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are always available to talk through these feelings on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 11am-midnight AEDT. 

Please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready. This community is here for you, any time. Be kind to yourself during this time and know that you may experience a range of different emotions during this time, we are always here to talk through them.

Kind regards,   

Sophie M 

[Oshinxx1]

A suicide of a loved one even if there where issues invokes feelings a thoughts that are hard to navigate , reconcile and will take time to work through. Your counsellor will be able to help working through your feelings. I lost my sibling to Suicide 3 years ago and I still feel guilt and sorrow about it. What helps a bit is that I remember the good times and that the issues they experienced towards the end did not define their life. I know I did my best to help but as you mentioned, there were times when I just couldn't take a call after a long day and having a child to care for and I or nobody can predict what could happen. Talking to people will help help you gain perspective but grief is not a linear process and you will likely have ups and downs. I attended a bereaved through Suicide groups that I found helpful. Take care and be kind to yourself.

[sbella02]

Summersunic,

I'm so, so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can imagine you've been experiencing such a wide range of emotions over such a short period of time. It's difficult to lose somebody who's been so close to you, and under such tragic circumstances, how incredibly awful.

I'd like to remind you that if you're feeling guilty at all, just know that it's not your fault. You may feel like there were things that you could've done differently or not done at all, and that's a very normal reaction. It seems like you're also thinking back on unhealthy interactions that you've had with him, and just keep in mind that reflecting on these negative experiences doesn't make your grief/sadness any less valid. Whether you're feeling sad, angry, frustrated, reminiscent... your feelings are valid, and you may find that you're feeling conflicting emotions simultaneously. 

I'm glad to hear that prayer has been helping, and also that you've started counselling. It's so important that you listen to and trust your instincts when you're grieving, as your body knows what's best for you. Cry if you need to cry, talk to others about what you're feeling. If you feel like taking a bit of time off working may help, listen to what your instincts are telling you in that regard. Keep a journal and write down what you're feeling if you're struggling to put it into words, or if you have things you feel like you would've wanted to say or ask.

Be patient with yourself and what you're feeling during this time. Sophie M has provided some amazing resources if you find that you're struggling with your grief, and we're also here to listen on the forums too. 

Take care, SB