Miss you everyday Dad

[H1993]

I lost my father three months ago, he was diagnosed with bone, lung and liver cancer in December 2014. It was so unexpected to hear he was so unwell and it was so serious. I was away on holidays when he was diagnosed and given only two months left on this earth. He made my family promise not to say anything to me until I got home. This was the first news I heard when I came home, my dad was in hospital from the unbearable pain. I didn't know how to cope with the news and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. We brought dad home from hospital and got to spend my brother's birthday, Christmas, New Years and Australia Day as a family. These were the moments we all cherished and held onto so tightly. The two months we got were so full of life, dad always stayed positive and tried to make everyone laugh on a daily basis. Dad became more and more ill and eventually had to be admitted to hospital for pain management. On the day he passed we were expecting to bring him back home and he was so excited to be coming home. This was such a big shock for everyone as he was so bright the day before. I spent almost the entire day by his bedside and didn't want to leave him. It's been three long painful months and I still miss him everyday and expect him to walk through the door with a big smile on his face. It's been so difficult trying to deal with the grief and be able to talk about how I feel. I'm also at university in my third year of studies and my focus this semester is completely gone. I feel upset everyday and don't know what to do? I love and miss my dad so much! I'm only 21, he is going to miss out in so many life events 😞 

[Neil_1]

Hi there h1993

I’m so very sorry to hear of the tragic and sad loss of your Dad.   Your post moved me very much – I lost my Dad in 2007 to leukaemia and it’s been 7 ½ years now and I still miss him like crazy.

You are just 3 months into your grieving process and so this is just so brand new and very raw for you, I can totally understand the feelings you must be having and going through.  It’s just horrible.

I would say firstly, is it possible to put some kind of “hold” on your studies – like a deferment of them for a certain period of time?   I think this is something that should be done if at all possible, because your focus and concentration levels at the present time, as you well know, are shot to bits.

This will take time for you to work through and to process.

And speaking of which, have you at all been able to take up any appointments with a counsellor to help you work through this grief?   Perhaps a first port of call would be to go see your gp and for things to roll along from there?

Is your family a close-knit one, where things have sort of built together stronger since?   I hope that your Mum and other siblings are getting some support at this time as well?

Thank you again for writing and please please, write back as often as you would like – and it’d be awesome to hear back from you.

Neil

[geoff]

dear H1993, my absolute condolences to you and your family, as I know that you wanted to let people who could well and truly understand your grievances know.

I am just so sorry for your dad to have to suffer and continually endue the pain he was having, but it's not only his pain, it's the devastation that you now have to suffer.

You will always remember him in many ways and treasure his love for you. Geoff.

[Borboleta]

Hello...

So sorry for yr loss.  I lost my dad who lives in Europe last January also to lung/bone cancer.  All so quick he was gone in 2 weeks. I don't know what the answer is to deal with this grief we feel but know u r not alone.

 I was u peace...

Marie

[demonblaster]

Hi 🙂

Really sorry for your loss, it's sooo hard isn't it. 

I lost my Dad when I was 18 and many many years later I still miss and love him deeply. (Mum too but she was older so a bit easier to accept).

As mentioned above it's early days yet for you and as I've recently lost a partner to Leukaemia I know about the gambit of emotions going on. Sounds like some good constructive suggests by Neil about maybe being able to get a grief counsellor and possibly putting off Uni for a while to allow you to go through the process. 

My heart goes out to you. So sorry.
Well done talking about it here.

All best