Loss of my mother

[Elise_H]

I am 50 years old and recently lost my mother to cancer.  I am struggling everyday without and I just dont know how I can possibly live without my mum.  I have lost my nan (cancer), my husband of 23 years left and remarried and my mum within a 3 year period.  I feel so lonely and even though I have three adult children they too are struggling with the losses and I dont want to put extra strain on them.  If anyone knows anyone that has passed away due to cancer and was by their bedside they would know how horrible the last 48 hours is.  Everytime I close my eyes I see my mums face, when and if I fall asleep I dream about her.   I can not get those last visions out of my head.  Of course when I feel like this I would usually turn to my mum and no I feel like although everyone says we are here for you I have never felt more alone.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Elise_H…

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful mother…

I can understand how heartbroken you are, I lost my husband to cancer 10 years ago and I nursed him at home until the last couple of days, where I then spent my time sitting with him in hospital…I decided one night that I had to go home as I had a little dog at home and he needed feeding etc….He passed early the next morning…Just before I was going in to see him….Cancer is a very cruel illness, to watch someone deteriorate very quickly hurts deeply…As you say when closing our eyes our loved ones face seems to be there…I now and have done for many years now, listen intently to sleep stories when I get into bed….it has helped me so much…I try to visualise the scenario in the stories…and put my full concentration onto what I’m listening to….maybe you might like to give them a go…just go to YouTube and search sleep stories…no pressure though…

I also have adult children, who struggles really hard at first…they had there own families to care for, so I was alone in my grief….It does get easier as time passes…you’ve probably heard that before, but it really does….

A gentle reminder dear sweet Elise, that there is no time limit on grief or grieving…the grief line number is 1300 845 745…they are there to help you cope…if you need someone to talk too….also Beyond Blue 24/7 counsellor are also available….1300 224 636 and are trained counsellors…Please try hard to care for yourself….and give yourself the amount of time it takes to grieve…

We are also here to help support you the best we can…

My kindest thoughts with my care….and a gentle hug🤗.

Grandy…

[Elise_H]

Thank you so much for your words they truly mean a lot to me.  I am definitely going to hop on you tube and find some sleep stories.  Great advice!!!!  Please take care and sincerely thank you for taking the time to respond xx

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Elise,

That is incredibly tough losing your Mum as well as your nan and your husband leaving all in that 3 year period. I know it is so difficult. My Mum died quite suddenly and when she was in a lot of distress in 2020, and it came after multiple other losses in my life, so I can relate to that feeling of aloneness as well as losing them in difficult circumstances. On good days I am consoled by good memories of her, and I know she is at peace now.

In the months after Mum died I did attend a grief support group for a while. I did find that helped somewhat, though of course if you are sensitive like me you will probably be feeling all the other people’s experiences too. But it did help having that sense of not being alone. There may be something like that near you.

 I think finding things that are self-nurturing, like the sleep stories Grandy mentions, is one of the best things. I find spending time in nature very helpful. I do get these peaceful moments where I feel a presence of both my parents. It is an up and down journey, but the ups do gradually increase, but I know it’s hard and I relate to the alone feeling. Feel free to reach out whenever you feel the need to.

Take care and sending you gentle hugs,

ER