GRIEF - dealing with it

[white knight]

Grief, oh boy, what a challenge to write about.

It comes when you lose a loved one in death, or by the loss of their mind, the loss of a marriage, full time parenthood, all parenthood, a loved pet,,,major loss of any sort. There is no fully qualified expert out there in my view- on grief. Some counsellors come close and they help. But its tough.

The process we all know. We suffer great loss for a period, we continue to suffer for another period with some normal functions like returning to work and then we function normally with grief periods reduced.  These 'periods' time wise depends on the individual. There is no guide as to what is ok.  Some grieve lifelong, other for short times.

What is difficult for some is their depth of grief swallows them up, not believing there is an answer, an end to it and negative thoughts take over. This is more prevalent in mentally ill persons because they already slide into depression and anxiety and other illnesses easily. It could be yet another trigger. IMO

but there is a big difference between grief and depression.  I'll leave that one to the experts.

Stigma of grieving continues. Sadly it does.  Men still cant cry in front of other men. We have a darn long way to go here.  But men and women in grief weeks after their loss and working in their job - what about then. What about in customer service? Do you have any suggestions?

I only have one suggestion to help. Choose a time and place to grieve or it will bottle up and explode at the inappropriate time.

Interested in your views and techniques to manage grief.

THE ATTIC IN YOUR LIFE

Sometimes you have to rest

when you see life of a different type

you have to release yourself from reality

into the attic of your life.

T'is there you sit in an empty room

to glare at the roof and eaves

and search through the dormer windows

of evidence spirits leave

Just a single item of love

to confirm you are not alone

perhaps through winds of whisper

image of weathered stone.

Those who dont feel the love

of those no longer there

have no attic to visit the spirits of love

no staircase to get them there

Then you return downstairs

where you live life of a different type

but you'll be eager to return sometime soon

- to the attic of your life.....

[Jo3]

Hi WK

Your poems are amazing!! Thank you for your thoughts on this topic which people find difficult to talk about.

Grief - I agree everyone suffers differently and there is no timeframe. And you're right in saying that you need to let the grief out otherwise you will explode.

Last September my 23 yr old niece took her own life. I was devastated and took it pretty hard. I didn't know how to grieve for her and remember her. I decided to go to the beach where my kids and my niece used to play in the summer time and I sat there and just cried for her. I remembered all the good and happy times our kids had with her.  I still think of her now but I know that she is at peace.  And just about a month ago I had a dream of her giving me a big hug saying how much she loved me and I told her how much I loved her. It was an emotional reunion.

Interesting to see how others cope with grief.

Jo

[littlerollroll]

I find writing really helps although it is painful at the same time. I found myself in tears writing about the one I loved and lost and could not continue, but the need to remember them as exactly how they made us feel encouraged me to write. We all die one day, but the words can live on. I hope one day my daughter will read my writing and understand my strength and weakness, my rights and wrongs, my love and loss and remember me as I was just the way I remember the one I loved and grieved.

[AGrace]

Grieving can depend on the individual and also the environment.  There may be cultural aspects that determine how one grieves. There's no right or wrong, there's no timeframe or place. There's just you and your grief,  and its up to you how you choose to manage it. Most will say not to bottle it up, in my experience,  bottling it up for 18 years meant that I could deal with it as an adult rather than a child. We get so accustomed to sharing problems and solutions, grief reminds us to share feelings as well. Men may not feel comfortable crying in front of a woman, but if a man was ever to ask a woman if it would be ok to cry, she would never say no.