Hi Fletch,
Welcome to the forums, I'm really sorry about your loss.
I wanted to start by saying a bit about myself (that's relevant to your question). 19 years ago at the age of 15 my boyfriend committed suicide. We'd known each other over a year, and I had little clue that he was suffering so badly. What I found with my experience was that I didn't grieve properly at the time. For a couple of reasons. Suicide was so taboo, that you just didn't talk about it, I had no idea how to grieve this massive loss at such a young age, and no one else seemed to know how to support me, plus it was probably far to painful which is why it was all suppressed.
18 years on, and after seeing a Psychiatrist (and subsequently a Psychologist) I started the grieving process last year. It's still difficult. I don't think the heart ever fully recovers from such a loss, but I can manage the sadness and hurt a bit better. I tried to make contact with my ex's father a few months back and sadly never heard back from him. It takes a great deal of will every day not to just rock up on his door step.
Talking about it is definitely the biggest help. Have you remained in contact with his parents all this time? If so, talking to them could be a good idea. If not, I guess, like me, you would want to consider what would be the benefit for them. Have you ever sought any form of counselling since your friend's death? Seeing a grief counsellor is another option. They are trained to take you through all the steps of grief. Has talking with your wife helped? Do you visit the cemetery? Talking to my ex, and writing him letters has also helped.
I hope this gives you some things to think about. I'm more than happy to hear back from you.
AGrace
