Abortion at the age of 20

[Felix101]

Hey, I am a 20 year old girl in uni and in 2020 I had to have a surgical abortion. It was really emotionally tough on me, the procedure went well though and my health was okay but a lot changed after that day and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. My ex drove me to the centre though I had to pay $400 of my savings from tutoring to pay, I did not ask him for money because of his family situation, though later on I saw him gamble his money that he 'didn't have' profusely.The next day I had 2 assessments due and I did them whilst I was crying and feeling really guilty about the abortion. I felt really bad that because of my stupidity it had gotten to that stage. I also had to hide it from my south-Asian parents and I was in a lot of pain both emotionally and physically. I still think back to it and feel completely worthless. I felt like it totally shattered my dreams and hopes of being pregnant, I thought I would be happy the first time I got pregnant. I was really really broken but still got along with my life because I did not want to show anyone I was hurting inside. I went to work every day too yet I feel really numb now. I talked about it with 2 of my friends and they consoled me a lot and I felt really light after telling them, though bad as well because I do not know if they will tell anyone else about it, I downplayed my emotions a lot because I just was not sure how to express myself. This was also during a party unfortunately and after hearing about this they did not talk about this with me, or check up on me again. A part of me really blames my ex for this abortion and I am never able to confront him about it or express my feelings to him about it, I was just glad that he had driven me there and asked me if I was okay throughout. I am not sure if it is okay to partly blame him... I had asked him to use protection so many times yet he declined and said he didn't have it, he also told me that the pull out method will work and it didn't. I believed him this when he told me (IK STUPID), I understand it is 50% my fault, but just the way he treated the situation eats at me and keeps me up at night... I really want to confront him about this but like I said he has his own family problems and I am not sure if this will be okay to do considering our status. Regarding the abortion currently, I feel better but still really guilty and ashamed of myself because if my parents knew they would be so ashamed of me. and I really hate myself for it.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Felix101,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. We can see how much your decision to abort baby and what has happened is having a toll on you however just wanted to to reassure you in that moment -you made the best decision for yourself. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[Doolhof]

Dear Felix101,

I'm so very sorry to read of your situation and all you are thinking and feeling . Unfortunately we are unable to go back in time and change the experiences we have lived no matter how traumatic and horrible they were.

If I may ask, are you still in a relationship with your boyfriend? If so, is he supportive of you?

Regarding your family, we may think we know how family will react to such news. We don't really know until we tell them. Only you can make that choice though.

Is it possible for you to talk to a support person using the services that Sophie_M has mentioned. I am also thinking there are support services available especially for people who have experienced abortion. Life Line or Beyond Blue could put you in touch with services available in your area.

I understand this may be extremely hard for you to talk about to other people. It may be very beneficial to do so though to help you with the sense of confusion, anger, loss and grief you are feeling.

Wishing you strength to reach out to support services for help. Kindest regards from Dools.

[Doolhof]

Hi Felix101,

I have just done a Google search. There is a service called Post Abortion Counselling available for free by phoning 8331 1223 or 1300 655 156.

Write these numbers down. If you feel you are able to call them, you will have the numbers available.

Kindest regards from Dools