Workplace harassment

[K808]

I was harassed by a customer at work 3 years ago and it has ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, friends and family & my life. I’ve been doing pretty well for the last 10 months but recently I’m REALLY struggling. I work in a male dominated industry and it hasn’t been too bad for a while but the only other female I worked with has recently left and now I am the main target for all the (mostly older) men.

Im feeling lately that I need to quit my job but there are no available positions in my town that would suit me and I need to pay my bills.

Ive spoken to my boss and keep him posted on everything that happens/is said but this doesn’t help with the cyclone in my head.

Ive tried therapy before and never found this very helpful.

Im lost at what to do.

[Mathy]

Hi K808 and welcome to the BB forums 🙂

I’m sorry to hear that things are tough at work for you, at present. Bad interactions with customers are the pits! Can you share what happened with that customer 3 years ago, that caused such an impact on your personal relationships?

I work in hardware, so whilst my co-workers are evenly balanced into male/female, I get that a lot of male customers can be quite rude towards a female, who they consider to have no knowledge (when in fact they do) and become quite rude and demeaning. I find this quite demoralising to cope with, and it can lead to anxiety and other issues at work.

It sounds serious if you feel like quitting your job, and that doesn’t sound like a realistic option. Is it customers who are causing you issues at the moment? I don’t get a sense that it’s your work colleagues.

Would be great if you could post back and give us some more information so that we could help with some strategies and support, cheers M 🙂

[white knight]

Hi k808, welcome

I get you. Been there to.

What is important is to wait for the most serious harassment event. Report it with the confidence that that event will result in him being used as an example. The rest of the guys will get a wake up call.

You have a right to a harassment free workplace but....life isnt so perfect and there is a level of tolerance you need to swallow I call the "grey area". Once the guys know the boundaries they'll settle.

Learning phrases like-

"I like you as a workmate but please, you are going too far"

" please spare me the drama of reporting this"

You can also lower your debt over time in case you are compelled to leave. It shouldnt happen but being prepated is reality.

I hope I've helped

Tony WK

[K808]

I did originally have more detail in my post but beyond blue edited it out. The customers mostly just say inappropriate things. It definitely gets to me over time. I have told them that it is inappropriate and unwanted. I’ve even had my manager speak to one of the customers. Being in a customer service position it’s hard to be stern while being polite but I think I’ll just have to get more serious with them. I pulled up one customer yesterday for slapping me on the butt and I think I really embarrassed him so hopefully it won’t happen again.

[KLG]

this is sincerely not ok and you sincerely do NOT have to put up with it. Your boss needs to work with you on strategies that you can implement or statements that you are given permission to use in response to this unwanted attention if it is coming from customers - smacking you on the butt is sexual harassment and bordering on assault. As a female who worked in an all male dominated industry a number of years ago and was forced to leave my job as a result of sexual harassment I feel compelled to tell you it needs to be addressed as a priority as it is already affecting your mindset and will only escalate to a point that makes it more and more difficult to manage. You are not a piece of meat, you are going to work and doing your job. Allowing others to disrespect I highly doubt would be in your position description. If your boss does not take the situation seriously I suggest they rethink that standpoint as they are actually held responsible for your safety whilst at work.

[Mathy]

Hi K808,

I’m guessing that you work customer service in a regional area, where you see regular customers?

This makes it hard to try and instill some boundaries around behaviour, especially if you might see some of them in a social situation, Your Boss/Manager sounds like they are approachable.

I work in retail as well. Majority of customers are ok, however, there are a group who seem to think it’s ok to touch you (I’ve never had my butt slapped tho’ !😳) Luckily, I don’t have to deal with a lot of inappropriate comments.

The problem is that in retail, one is constantly having to “internalise” your feelings about customer interactions, and that is not healthy.

The solution is to be assertive. If a customer touches me, I immediately respond with “No touching, thank you” - no angry voice, just a matter of a fact voice. Not said rudely, but firmly - with eye contact. Continued touching should be responded to with “I’m not serving you whilst you continue to behave like this” - and walk away.

Also, I would take the assertive solution to your Manager - so you can educate him/her and state that you don’t want any comeback from him/her if a customer complains - you can express that in friendlier terms probably 🙂 But you want to feel like the manager has your back, whilst you sort some of these dudes out.

The reality is that your Manager has an Occupational Health and Safety issue here. You deserve some proper training on dealing with this ( so you feel in charge and don’t have to ask for “help”) and the customers learn to behave better. He has a problem if you go out on stress leave or you quit because of customer behaviour, and he/she hasn’t given you the appropriate support and training to deal with the problem.

Hopefully these few suggestions might be of assistance, let us know how you’re going, cheers M 🙂

[Ulysses]

I had the same issue working with mostly males. Unfortunately we women have to wait until the collective decide that real change and real intervention is warranted. Every day at work I faced harassment. I was blamed for it. Woman are pushing for this to change but I remember at uni being told in one of the lectures that surprisingly it is also women holding back that change. Don’t whatever you do let it destroy you. I did and the consequences weren’t worth letting these scumbags take my relationship, my career and almost my life. You are a woman who is fighting for better conditions and for that I applaud you on behalf of women everywhere who want change

[Robbie_A]

Hi K808,

Well this is such a tough situation for afew reasons, depending on how much you love and enjoy your job decides whether you stay or leave and try to find a better safer enviroment to be in,especially if its done thia type of mental damage to you and has also playeda role in relationships in your life..

On the other hand ita not so easy to just pick up and go find another job with the click of a finger,finding work is getting harder and harder.

As you said with bills ans living expenses money doesnt grow on trees. The best outcome would be to be in a safe place which your happy going to on a daily basis.

i think that final decision is ultimatley yours..

Goodluck and i wish you all the best and a positive path.

Robbie

[cray]

your employer has a legal responsibility to make sure you have a safe workplace, and if you've already tried to address it and they didnt really help then the best thing is probably start looking for new work.

no job is worth the cost to your health (mental or physical) and i've found out first hand that squeaky wheels dont get grease, they get replaced.
raising stress leave, bullying, and harrassment claims in the workplace is hated by employers.
even though my bullying claim was proved by 2 witness, my employer actually used the work tribunal to bully me into hopefully resigning while i was on stress leave, adding even more stress to my life by fighting me over an already approved claim.

in the end it cost me my job anyway. if they wont change your situation then i think you may end up the same way. 😞

[Sadwombat]

Dear K808,

your employer is legally obligated to create a safe environment free of harassment sexual or otherwise. While I understand it is not he who is behaving in such a manner. He has the responsibility to either warn customers that if they continue to treat you in such a manner he will have to cease trading with them. Employees can be fired for sexual harassment.

firstly keep a diary with everything said to you that was harassing and the date. Of course you can't be sxpected to remember the details of past incidents but start now. Also include when you talk to your boss about it what you say and what he says.

second step would be to contact fair work or similar organisation in your state. You could do this anonymously at first to get their advice. Ultimately they can intervene and Make your boss take it seriously. OH&S include your mental health.

Sexual harrassment is a crime.

I hope you feel better sharing here and you are extremely brave.