Working for change

[bearded1]

Hi all, I'm new to BeyondBlue and the whole concept of forums and threads, but need some help to make positive change.

My depression, and unwillingness to act on, or face consequences of my actions/inactions has broken down my relationship with the most amazing and supportive woman whom I love so much.

I'm not the person she met and fell in love with 10 years ago. I've changed, I'm not sure if this is my environment, depression sneaking in or what. I have mild to moderate depression, and am also identifying other behaviours I'd like to kick.

I have made so many plans and promises to her that I just don't come through with, sometimes it's just too hard, or I had the idea now it's her turn to make it happen. She is a most caring and supportive person, this is really not about her, it's about me acknowledging I have depression, and working out how to live with it. I am seeing a psychologist whose helping me to work out where I'm at, and where I want to be, so that's a start.

Approval seeking, is a behaviour I noticed recently when I started working in a new place, doing the same job i've done for years. I had to tell myself it didn't matter what the other guys thought of me, just do your job to the best of your ability. This need to "fit in" drove me to tears on more than one occasion. I think I've been doing this in our relationship also, not saying or suggesting anything in case they where wrong, or silly ideas or what I don't know. This behaviour naturaly led to my partner making all the decisions which has been exhausting for her, and addmitantly no good for me either kind of subconsiesly contributing to my deppression. I think I've got over the work thing, and am trying to be more decisive with my partner as this is so much more important.

This seems a really disjointed, however that's been my thinking of late, can't really settle on one thing.

Essentially I need help, & advice how to accept that I have deppression, deal with it, make changes, and build a relationship where i am the partner she really deserves, not one she has to look after.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[geoff]

Hello Bearded, thanks for posting your comment and it's not really an easy one to answer, and perhaps you could look at it the other way, and ask yourself, if you break a promise, it breaks the bond of trust in your relationship then this could cause depression because the person you love may get upset, alteratively if you can keep your word then the relationship becomes stronger.

If you have to wait for her to make decisions is a sign that you're not confident, and being low in this, then creates low self-esteem, so this can snowball you into depression.

These other important behaviours you want to kick which you have mentioned but not described them are what maybe the laying answer to your question.

To overcome your depression requires you to go and see your doctor, but before you go do the K-10 test which you can find under 'The Facts' which is above, do the test at different times and days and take this to your GP.

Please let know.

Geoff.