Will I ever be normal again?

[The_Possum]

I used to be in control. Have my life together. The one that people came to as I could figure their issues out and help. The rock my family could depend on.

Now I'm a mess. I'm bipolar ii, I'm medicated, I see a psych. I've stabilises over the last 6 months.

As soon as something happens, it sends me spiralling off.

My mum is really sick, probably won't make it and I can't cope at all. I used to be the strong one supporting family, in times like these, now I am useless, falling apart.

I feel guilty the last 6 months I couldn't talk to my mum. We didn't have a common understanding and I couldn't be honest with what I was going through so I shut her out. Now I regret it.

I don't think I will ever go back to the old me. The strong independent woman I was.

This illness has ruined my life forever.

Who can honestly say they are the same person as before they were diagnosed? Yes you might have pieced most of your life back together, gone back to work, exercising and eating well.

But are you really the same you? Or a broken version of yourself slapped together so you can function just good enough to make a contribution to society?

[Neil_1]

Hi there Possum,

Just me again, on a different network … or a different thread 

And it’s again very good that you’ve been able to come here and share your post and how you are going.

Skipping to the end of your post, I think we can’t really be the person we were before we got delivered with our mental illnesses … but aside from being sort of patched up and made socially presentable, which I actually don’t mind that context, but it’s also good to think in a different way to this as well. To think, hey, I’ve got all this crap going on, and have had for so long, I’ve got this and this and then that … and yet, we still surface and we face the day, but we face our demons as well.

To me, that makes us pretty reasonable sort of folk. To be dealing with what we have to deal with and to still operate, on a semi-ok basis, I think that speaks volumes for the kinds of people we are … the kind of person YOU are.

Kind regards

Neil

[LaneJ]

Hey possum,

I completely get where you are coming from. I used to think that my mental health condition was ruining my life too. I felt like everything had changed and that I had lost a lot of relationships with my family and friends. I felt a bit like no one understood what I was going through.

It took me a long time to start to feel better but I did. Like you, I saw a psych and took medication to help me get back on my feet.

It must feel like that's hard to do while your mum is sick and you are trying to piece your life back together - but you sound like such a strong, caring person. I think you could do almost anything you can put your mind to. Have you thought about what your life would look like if you were feeling back on your feet?

Looking back now I'm not the same person that I used to be - but honestly I much prefer the person I am now because I'm a lot more self aware, and a lot more compassionate. I can help others a lot more now than I could before being diagnosed with a mental illness. I guess that's because I know what it's like to feel bad, so now I would always be there and listen to others who aren't feeling well because I know how isolating and lonely it can be.

Is there anything you are looking forward to this year? Maybe you could use that as motivation to keep trying and to keep getting better. If you haven't got something exciting happening maybe you could plan something for a few months time? Not sure what you're into, but there's got to be something good out there you could use for motivation. I've got a holiday booked and its my birthday towards the end of the year so I'm going to get myself a decent present. Not sure what yet but I reckon I deserve something good!

Keep us updated on how you are going. The forums are a great place to be if you're feeling like you want to chat or even just hang out with some other people online in the social area.

lanejane

[MsPurple]

Hi Possum.

Sometimes I wonder the same thing as you. Will I ever be normal? I then ask myself, what is normal? Like for me I I would like to know what it would be like to live without GAD. I then what wonder what other normal people think? What do people with no mental illness think.

I don't know if I can honestly say I am the same person before I was diagnosed. It then try and wonder what I was rally like before I knew I had a mental illness of some thought. I was told I had OCD when I was 12 (I think it was a mis diagnosis for GAD but it came to be more obsessinal because I didn't know how to deal with my general anxiety). It is really hard to know if I would be different if I wasn't diagnosed or not. But i know this is a part of me but it shouldn't define me.

I don't think the independant woman you once knew is gone. I think she is a little lost. SOmetimes we are so caught up in our mental illness and trying to deal with it we lose who we are and how we used to be. We are so consumed by it and have to overcome out mental illness that we need to put so much energy into it. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It is something we have to do to get well. Don't feel discuouraged that you may have lost your way a little bit. It is ok to have to spend time on yourself. We have to do it to survive. Regardless if one has a mental illness or not. Everyone has to take time for themselves and their health (whether it is physical or mental)

In conclusion you will be your 'old' self again or not. You are still there. You have been enlightened about yourself with a diagnosis, that doesn't mean you will not go back to that same self again. Just take your time. Look after yourself first (mentally and physcially) and you will come back. Don't worry. You are still there. Like I'm still there with or without my anxiety.

I hope this helps.

[MsPurple]

HI Possum

Sorry I didn't re-read my post and realised I had a lot of dyslexic moments. Yes I do have dyslexia (sometimes it flares up)

Sometimes I wonder the same thing as you. Will I ever be normal? I then ask myself, what is normal? Like for me I I would like to know what it would be like to live without GAD. I then what wonder what other 'normal' people think? What do people without a mental illness think.I don't know if I can honestly say I am the same person before I was diagnosed. I then try and wonder what I was really like before I knew I had a mental illness. I was told I had OCD when I was 12 (I think it was a mis diagnosis for GAD but it came to be more obsessional because I didn't know how to deal with my general anxiety). It is really hard to know if I would be different if I was diagnosed or not. But i know this is a part of me but it shouldn't define me.I don't think the independent woman you once knew is gone. I think she is a little lost. Sometimes we are so caught up in our mental illness and trying to deal with it we lose who we are (and how we used to be). We are so consumed by it and have to overcome out mental illness that we need to put so much energy into it. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It is something we have to do to get well. Don't feel discouraged that you may have lost your way a little bit. It is ok to have to spend time on yourself. We have to do it to survive. Regardless if one has a mental illness or not. Everyone has to take time for themselves and their health (whether it is physical or mental)In conclusion you will be your 'old' self again or not. You are still there. You have been enlightened about yourself with a diagnosis, that doesn't mean you will not go back to that same self again. Just take your time. Look after yourself first (mentally and physically) and you will come back. Don't worry. You are still there. Like I'm still there with or without my anxiety.I hope this helps.

Sorry I tried to re-edit it but I'm sure I still missed some. Some days it is worse than others.

[fortunecookie]

Hi Possum,

After reading through a lot of threads on this forum, your post was the one that made me decide to join, so thank you for sharing this! So much of what you're describing I can relate to.

"I'm a mess". Everyone tells you mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is very difficult to accept when you're suddenly diagnosed with one, isn't it? I know I'm still struggling. I'm sure there's lots of people who seem to have their lives together but in reality they don't, only they would never tell. And we might look at them thinking 'How are they keeping it together and I can't?'.

The important thing is that you went and got help. You decided to fight to get your normal self back, and even though there might be relapses along the way, you are trying!

As to whether you'll ever be the same person again - I think you'll always keep those same qualities in you, and some will even have grown with what you are going through at the moment, only you can't see it that way right now. I like what lanejane said about having become more self-aware and compassionate. You can still give so much to others, be that rock to rely on. But you also deserve a break, be kind to yourself.

[MsPurple]

Fortunecookie that was very well put. I sometimes struggle to put things into words but you have done so perfect, so thank you. I think a lot of us struggle with getting a 'diagnosis'. It makes is so official and this in turn makes it become real to us. I have been diagnosed for nearly 2 years (well officially diagnosed) and some days I accept it and some days I really struggle to deal with the reality of it.

[The_Possum]

Thanks everyone for your responses, I greatly appreciate it.

I think it's like a physical injury. You might get a let cut off and have to relearn how to walk again, which may be difficult to start with, but then you learn how to live and you adapt.

You are essentially the same person, just without a leg. But you go on with life.