Why do I feel I don't know myself anymore..?

[goalstosmile]

Hi Community !

I thought I would come for some guidance as I am really stuck and I have been for quite some time now. A few things since this time last year have completely turned my life upside down, I can totally say exactly a year ago today I had no idea what it was to feel depressed, anxious or anything like that but just a month later, I knew it all in one hit.

There are a bunch of things that keep me awake til 3-4 am each night... what to do with my life (I don't know who I am or what I want to do and I have tried to experiment many things) why I have barely any friends, maybe one or two which I speak to every fortnight or so... and how can I find myself again. I am so scared every day that this might be me forever, because one entire year of my life has been spent trying to figure the hell out what is going on?

I have a partner, who works a very demanding career and I rarely see or speak to him so it's tough. He does not quite understand this at all but he can be supportive. My family and I all have great relationships but we do not speak to personally about these issues, so I pretty much keep it all to myself and want to figure it out that way, they just know I am different as I spend majority of my days hidden in the walls of my bedroom.

I keep wishing I can go back to over a year ago and be the person who was so damn happy, who woke up each day early to go to work and lived each day with purpose, the person who was rarely seen in their room, the person who was happy to socialise and just live! I want to do all of these things, but I just can't. I don't know if others will understand (I hope someone does) but I cannot get myself out of this without falling into anxiousness, depression / sadness or self doubt.

Help help!

Lots of love to all of you, been super supportive in this community.

xx

[BballJ]

Hi goalstosmile,

Love the name actually, that should be everyone's goal every day to smile.

I do understand what you are saying and the situation you find yourself in, it seems like a tough cycle and one that you can't quite get out of and when you do it seems to bring you back in, so yes I do understand so know you are not alone in your thoughts. My first question for you is have you ever spoken to a psychologist about all these feelings and tried to have them make sense of them all? I only ask just so I can find the best advice to offer you.

You can go back to the person you once were...difference is you can go back stronger because of these battles with mental health... you can beat it and overcome it. I think it is quite common to sometimes feel a little lost in life and wonder if you are on the right track, that's your mind double checking I think. Is there anything that interests you at all to do as in career wise?

Please, post back as much as like, always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[gld]

Hi goalstosmile,

I feel i am unable to give advice to bring you back to where you want to be as we are all different in our makeup and experiences.

There was one thing that grabbed my eye in your post and i feel you have reflected on some points that have made you go to more happier thoughts. You spoke of when you got up early for work and you had purpose not spending too much time in your room. Depression/anxiety does has the power to make us focus on the things that are more negative and holt the things that give us enjoyment. As i feel this is the case it could mean that it is important for us to work on lessening the stress by looking into supports to better this. Some things i have done have been gone to my GP to discuss what has been going on for me to access supports that are appropriated for me. You also spoke of having a couple of friends you contact every so often, I feel it is not always the quantity of friends and have had success gaining support through my friends when i contact them.

As life does not run on a straight line our emotions are the same and need us to address them as they crop up by getting support when we need it by not trying to deal with them by ourselves when we are not well.

I hold on to hope that you are able to regain your strength by finding the correct supports. Give yourself time to move towards this as it takes time to do so.

Gen

[goalstosmile]

Hi Jay,

Thanks! Very much so, important to smile as often as possible. Yeah I find it really tough to try and get out of the cycle I just don't know what step to take. I have not actually spoke to a psychologist as of yet, I don't know why I am scared to take that step, I think I'm worried I'll fool myself and it'll be a waste of time you know? But yeah.

Yeah there are a few things I am interested in as a career but just can't take the step as I don't want to do something and it doesn't work out. I don't know why but my anxiety really comes into play here. Every time I see something like an opportunity or something I would like to pursue, I let the little voice play games with me. 😞

Thank you Jay.

[goalstosmile]

Hi Gen,

I completely understand each live their lives differently. But thank you for your input I really appreciate it!

Yeah of course, I've noticed that Depression / Anxiety really takes away from all the joys in life and damn it's painful. Even relating to Jay's post above I might take the step on going to speaking to someone, as it is something I haven't tried yet and since nothing has changed it may work.

So I just visit my GP and completely open up about everything? And then will it go from there..?

Thank you Gen for being super optimistic for me, I appreciate the support!! Xx

[startingnew]

hi Goalstosmile

i think youve done a great job opening up about how your feeling. while im not in the same position as you, i agree that i think you should speak to your Gp about how your feeling and the things your going through.

they arent there to judge you and instead will be happy that your comfortable to open up to them.

when i went to my gp- i wasnt really aware of depression and anxiety to start with- they performed a mental health assessment plan which was jsut a series of questions about how your feeling and a few other things there. from here they are able to better assess which treatments you would benefit from e.g a psychologist and/or a psychiatrist and are able to write up a mental health plan so your able to claim back through medicare.

i wish you all the best, sounds like youve got some determination there and that will help with the change you want to happen 🙂

[gld]

Hi goalstosmile,

When booking an appointment with your GP ask for a longer consultation as this will give you more time with your Doctor so you do not feel rushed. Some things that you have mentioned in your post could be a good starting point with your GP [sleep and what sort of thoughts that keep you up, how you have been feeling and things that changed for you lately, things you found enjoyment in and how you have not be able to do or have had no enjoyment]

I feel it is very important to give yourself time to work through different supports at a pace you are comfortable with as it takes time to regain your strength and wellbeing.

All the best with your visit with your GP and go easy on yourself as gaining the support you need takes time.

Gen

[BballJ]

Hi goalstosmile,

I completely understand where you are coming from, speaking to a psychologist can be daunting believe me I was in that exact same position but you have nothing to lose by doing it, I never believed they could help me as I wasn't much of a talker about my feelings but I was wrong, they did help and put things into perspective for me. Taking that step is a big one but I think you will have so much good benefits for doing so.

I also understand the career issues and the little voice taking over... that is where the psychologist may be able to help in terms of sorting through it all and helping to quieten that little voice down.

You already have support on these forums so we are always happy to talk.

My best,

Jay

[RunWithDWolves]

Hi goalstosmile

I find that the problem for me is im alone most of the time and find it very hard to make friends because I don't know who I am. its extremely difficult to meet people and make friends these days especially with anxiety and usually I would find myself through friends but its hard to find yourself when your lost all the time