Whole new world

[Mumma_Ky]

Hi,

I have been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. I’m taking antidepressants,which have been increased, and I’ve started talking to a psychologist. I have suffered with anxiety for the last 15 years.

I do not know what is going on, I have no idea what’s happening to me, let alone how to begin to fix it, and I am scared... really scared.

I find it hard to find words when I speak, I seem to be on a delay when I have to verbally reply to someone, it’s almost like people think I’m not going to answer. I have no concentration, it took me 30 mins to order a pizza and I have no focus. I haven’t been to work in four weeks, and I cannot believe that I have no idea when I will be able to.

I am an empty shell, no emotions, and that is so far from who I am normally that I don’t really know who this person is who is care taking of my body while the real me is away.

Is this normal in the world of depression that I now find myself in . I have absolutely no control over what’s happening to me and it’s frightening.

I don’t know what to do... do I try to push myself to do things that I don’t want to do, or do I wait and see what happens. I have no idea how to accept something when I don’t know what to expect from it next.

Thanks for the opportunity to put these feelings down on paper, as such, I just don’t know what else to do with them.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome.

it sounds like a real struggle or you at the moment. And when your mind tells you things it can be frightening. So I hope you find this a good place to chat. the people here are helpful, accepting and non-judgemental.

it's perfectly fine to write down what you are thinking or feeling. I would always keep things inside and not talk about what I was feeling and that was not good at all. After starting professional help I worked out ways to talk an and to journal my days.

I believe that each of us have our own experiences and how our relationship with depression etc is unique. there are days when I think I am OK. Many (?) other days the opposite. You are also taking ADs now so it might help to write down how you are feeling and bring this up with your GP next time.

In the time I have been seeing a psychologist and my own "reading" (to learn more about myself) I have apps, ideas (that you can find elsewhere on the forum) which I can share, if you like.

Peace and comforting thoughts

[Mumma_Ky]

Thanks for the reply smallwolf, very kind and wise words. I’m trying something called “morning words” which a family member recommended to me, where you write 3 pages of thoughts long hand first thing in the morning, without thinking about them too much. It’s taking me a little while to get used to it.. not all thoughts are puppies and sunshine... but I’m sticking with it. It’s great knowing there’s such great support out there, I really appreciate it.

[quirkywords]

Mamma lab I did that morning papers /Morning words on and off for years . I find it really helpful am

nd am often surprised what I write.sometines I am flexible when I write but usually before I shower and dress.

keep going but if you miss a day don’t worry keep going. You will probably see paetterns.

[Mumma_Ky]

Thanks for your support quirkywords, I will keep going with it. I’m willing to try anything to get better, just feel so lost at the moment.

[mocha delight]

Hi mumma ky I’m not diagnosed yet well not officially yet anyways but I started on antidepressants first prescribed by my gp before I started to see the psychologist I’m going to which omg it’s like she can read me like a book. So I say I’m not officially been diagnosed with anything yet but she has mentioned to me I definitely have depression & agrees with my gp about that but she also mentioned she thinks I have both social & general anxiety which I told her I think I had at least one type of anxiety which she seems to agree with. But am yet to get a official diagnosis/s which I can’t wait for as I’m the type of person who deals way better with things I know as the not knowing is what I don’t like.

[smallwolf]

While I have no not tried the exercise you mentioned, it does sound interesting. Some of the exercises I have done include things to be grateful for, or look forward to. Some of the things that are in our mind are better out and on paper. I have even had to use Google to find ideas for these, and sometimes would write what I really wanted and then would have to cross out that word and write the opposite. All I know is that it takes time, to rewire our brain to be a bit more positive. will be here with you for this journey.

Tim

[Mumma_Ky]

Sounds like we have quite a lot in common mocha delight. Seeing a psychologist has always been a huge help to me, so I’m hoping when I get back into the swing of that things will start to look up. Thanks for your support and I wish you all the best with your diagnosis...hang in there.

[Mumma_Ky]

What comfort your words bring. I also practice gratitude, but I don’t write it down, maybe I will try that. I feel like four weeks is a long time to feel like this, but it’s really not, is it? I will take a breath and try to be in the moment.

Thanks again for being there, Ky

[smallwolf]

you mentioned in your initial post about having anxiety for a long(ish) period of time, and more recently with depression. I tend to find time to be a relative thing when it comes to mental health. When something happens to us like a broken leg or a cut we have an idea of the length of the time it will take for the injury to heal. Is 4 weeks a long time? It could be if responding to an email. Or recovering from the cut.

In the time that I have been seeing my psychologist (and psychiatrist) I have also found ways to deal with the situations I face. Also note there are days when I feel better and think to myself that I am a fraud for getting help. Then there are times when I know I am down. And there are times when others can see that in me. It is wrong to say embrace this journey, there will be times when you are up and time you will feel low (mountain analogy here) and in these moments remember that you are loved, are worthwhile and have strength and courage all of which make you unique.