When does it end? When does it stop being a battle?

[Baileysmells]

My energy is so low recently, my ability to fight my negative thoughts has been dwindling.

I have a month to find a place to live or me and my sister are on the street. I’m the only one doing all the work: cleaning, packing, applying for houses. I’m physically and mentally drained.

I moved away and grew apart from my friends so I’m in a new town, with no stability or people to lean on. I feel so alone. I hate that I’m jealous of my sister for finding a partner so close to her personality because I had found the same only to be ghosted, watching and being around them stings.

No one new is coming along, all the apps have stopped providing matching all of the sudden. I truly am alone.

I just want to have relationships and stability but I myself as well as external factors sabotage all of that. I have no certainty in my future, I just want to have someone and a roof over my head but I can’t even have that. 

Instead I sit here dwelling in my depression wishing for more while I hide away in my room from my sisters relationship. I feel pathetic, I feel unworthy. Life just never throws me a bone, it seems to be problem after problem. Every time I get close to someone it leads to heartbreak. When can I just be able to rest, when is the world going to give me a reason to smile- to keep going.

[On The Road]

Hi Baileysmells,

nice to see you 😊  Sorry that you are struggling, and you are facing lots of challenges, it's definitely overwhelming. 

Sorry to hear that you feel alone and have no one to lean on, I'm kinda in a similar situation recently 😔. Socialising has been one of my major issues.

In your case, It's normal to feel a bit jealous of your sister, not sure how's your relationship with her, have u ever talked about this with her? I totally resonate with you that life comes with full of problems, and it seems to be unfair to some people. Many times I just prayed it could be easier, and with less suffering. 

Have u ever imagined what life would be if some of your problems had gone and the things you like had come to you? I've tried before. And things like financial stability, true friendship, and healthy relationships came to mind, is there any tiny things that we can do to make small improvements? Would you try any tiny things? 

What do you think of this, I'd ask myself these things, sometimes. I'm hearing you, I'm also kinda emotionally drained at the moment, and just don't wanna think anything or type it out...😞 If you are comfortable feel free to share more with us. We are here to listen.