What to do?

[Voice_Mail]

I'm supposed to be looking after my elderly grandmother for a week from this Thursday, but my depression is very bad at the moment and I feel like I can't even look after myself, let alone have someone else relying on me. Getting out of bed, having a shower or getting dressed are hard enough at the moment. I don't know what I should do or how I'm going to cope. I've already had two panic attacks just thinking about it coming up.

[JessF]

Hello Voice mail, when thinking about it, do you know what the source ofyour panicked feelings are? What is your mind telling you is the worst case scenario about your grandmother coming to stay?

You may find that having her come to stay helps with your anxiety, as it gives you something else to focus on. I have found that even at the lowest points in my life, my symptoms have miraculously vanished when I've had somebody else to think about or take care of.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Voice Mail

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing this post.

I agree with Jess’s comments about when you actually have someone in your presence (and that someone is a very much loved and cherished someone), you can actually put some of your own issues and stressors just on a back-burner for a short while, as you put your energies into caring for your grandmother.   I had something very similar when I was looking after my very sick Mum, around this time last year.

You should find that you’ll actually have quite a few times where you’ll be just in your own company, as they may well need to have sleeps or quiet times while they are doing their best to recharge their batteries.  Though when they age, the charging of their batteries can take a while and to reveal that they don’t have all that much charge left.

Will it be just you by yourself in looking after your grandmother?   Will there be no assistance or possible pop-in’s from other friends or family members?

I hope between a few of us on here, we can try to assist you with this and to possibly settle some of your concerns.

Would very much like to hear from you again.

Neil

[Voice_Mail]

I'm anxious about the responsibility of having to prepare meals - I'm not eating very much or very well at the moment, and strongly dislike cooking. And worried that if something happens to her, I won't be able to deal with it.

 I'm going to be looking after her by myself because other family members are going away, and don't know how I will cope without a support network.

[JessF]

Are you unable to cook or is it just a dislike, as in my hatred for vacuuming the house haha? If it's the latter, then it may be something you can just push through. How long is she staying for?

[Voice_Mail]

I'm staying at her house for a week, which is also part of the problem as I'm finding it pretty hard to leave the house at the moment.

 I don't like cooking but I'm able to. However I have a lot of allergies and my grandmother is a very picky eater, so I'm not sure what food I can make that we are both able to eat... 

[JessF]

Knowing that it's a week allows you to break it down into smaller steps. Can you get in early and talk to your grandmother now about what she eats for lunch, dinner etc normally so you can prepare? It may be that you have to cook separately for yourself or make something different, I'm sure the mums on here are well versed in having to cope with this scenario! Is it challenging, yes, but it's seven days and then you can go home again.