What to do? Need some advice.

[Dave83]

Hey guys,

New here, but not really to Depression.

Started early 2011, I was becoming unhappy at work & starting to get that feeling where you sort of wanted to cry but wouldn't. Thinking I was just unhappy with my job, I decided to quite a few months later.
I started to go to the gym more often & even got really into it. Started meeting new people, started doing those mud runs/fun runs etc.. and found something new. Though throughout the year there would always be a day here & there where I would just be sad for no reason. It got to the point where I would cry, for no reason, & a day would become a couple days, which would eventually become a week. I had no idea what was happening or why. By the end of the year, I decided to study, have something to focus on, to look forward to.

2012 everything became much worse. I would wake completely depressed, stay in bed, cry & wanted my life to end. I knew somthing wasn't right, so I jumped online & took some tests regarding depression & figured that's what I had, though still doubted it as I hadn't hurt myself or attempted suicide.
Studying was stressful, it was something new & I couldn't understand a lot of it, I felt pretty stupid, which I guess would contribute to me feeling down. On-top of that, I wasn't eating well & was training a lot + I had some family issues. By August, I hated my life, hated anything I was interested in, everything just became bad.

Start of 2013 I decided to see a GP & went onto medication & eventually saw a Psychologist, though neither really helped. I started a (temp) job at the gym, which I loved, but some things went down with the staff that made me depressed again & eventually the job finished which made me really upset. To me, the place that I enjoyed the most, with people that I enjoyed being around, I felt were somewhat responsible for causing me to feel low, so I ended up leaving.

6months later, still upset, no longer on meds, they made me

tired, I returned, and ended up talking to them about what happened, and even breaking down & crying. Only problem is, even today, I still feel hurt, everything that happened still upsets me, every time i wake up, even though ive spoken to them many times, It all just upsets me. A month ago I started becoming really depressed & thinking of suicide, I was put on medication again. i put membership on hold & went back to the GP & started  & now looking for a Psychologist, though don't know who to see (western sydney).

Sorry for the long post, but does anyone have any advice ?




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[Bigc]

Never replied to anyone before seeing as i am only 19 years old and seem uneducated compared to the rest of yous. However i can relate to the feeling of depression. I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues for the past 4 years. Depression always being on and off. When you are down you feel like you will never get better. Don't think like that. Start to try new things. You will make new friends, maybe find a girlfriend that you fall in love with. Also different meds work with different people as well. Maybe see a psychiatrist which will help with medication choice. Hope this helps.  

[Neil_1]

Hi Dave

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

It was good to see Bigc provide you with a very nice response with a couple of good suggestions also.  I hope that helped.

Depression is an absolute mongrel thing – and it causes us to not be able to let things roll off us, you know like the old phrase, “water off a duck’s back”.  I’m very much like that also;  and when things are done or said and are of quite a significant nature, these things can really prey on our mind almost constantly – and even when we sleep.  I’m getting that feeling from you with regard to the gym where you worked and how that perhaps ended.

Just in regard to that, is there no way that you could possibly go and find a new gym?   Being in Western Sydney, you might be fortunate enough to have a number of different ones that you could choose.  I only suggest this as it seems the gym that you were at, is perhaps not the best environment for you to be at, for the current time.  Just a thought.

On the flipside of this, try to do all you can to continue to either work out or to get in some kind of fitness activity – because when we exercise it really does help with our mental side of things.

The medication that you’re now on – are they the same as you were on before?  Only ask that, cause you mentioned the last ones made you tired.  That could also be linked to when you were taking them?   Were they being taken of a morning?   If so, might be an idea to swap them to night time;   this could even aid with helping get you to sleep?

Dave, thanx again for your post and would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Dave83]

Hey Guys, thanks for the replies, really appreciate it 🙂

I've definitely considered leaving as it does have some negative impact on me, but at the same time, despite how things ended, I think the way I am made things worse than they were or should of been. A part of me wants to be there & wants to make it work as the last few years for me were built up around the people there & I'm not sure if I have it in me to start over (very exhausting).
At the moment, my membership is on hold (last 4weeks) since I started the new medication, sort of trying to avoid certain places/situations to see if the meds work, though I have been swimming a couple times and running too, which I'm glad to be able to do. I'm not sure when/if Ill return, trying not to make decisions  when feeling sad/depressed/upset etc..

Regarding medications, the ones I was on first time are different than the ones I'm on now. I use to take them around lunch, but made me tired. The new ones I take with breakfast & don't seem to have as bad of side-effects which I like.
Just wondering, how do I know if medications work? Do you actually feel happy or different? How have they helped you guys? At the moment, I generally don't feel really down, I do every now and then (especially in mornings), but don't feel happy.. sort of a grey in-between area.

Being this way really does not feel good at all. Currently living at home (with mum/sister) but absolutely don't want to be living here anymore. Can't leave as no job/income. Can't get a job as being depressed makes me dislike everything & the thought of having to do something that necessarily wont make me happy, just makes me feel worse.
Certain things that I want to do, generally involving being sociable are difficult, Im scared/worried of. being in front of a group of people, talking, having people look at me prevents me from perusing these things.

Will be looking for a Psychologist, received a list from beyondblue for psychologist database links, though being sooo many to choose from, and most of them seem to have some experience in depression/anxiety, how do I choose? Is it a bit of trial & error to find one (like a GP) or is there something I can look for, maybe regarding their training?

Very sorry for the long post & sounding a bit whiny, I appreciate everything though.

Regards,

Dave

[Bigc]

Have you been to a psychiatrist yet, if no they are the people you should listen to as they would prescribe you with the proper drugs you need. Just make sure you tell them everything as this makes it more beneficial to you. 

[Dave83]

Hi Bigc, thanks for the reply 🙂

 Haven't seen a 'Psychiatrist', have inquired with a local Psychologist though. I've also considered getting a referral to go to 'The Black Dog Institute', I think they do assessments there with both Psychiatrists & Psychologists, but will look into it. 🙂

Thanks again,

Dave

[White_Rose]

Hello Dave

Welcome to BB. Good to read your posts and know you are working on your depression. As you can see, people who respond here will give you all sorts of ideas on managing which is fantastic. It also shows you how many others are plagued by the Black Dog and are trying to keep it under control.

I too would like to make a suggestion. To me it is the GP that holds all the strings of your health together and co-ordinates what happens with you. If your first GP was not very helpful, which is the impression I received, then try another. BB has a list of GPs with experience in mental health issues.  You can search this list by postcode.  Look under the tabs at the top of the page.

Once you have a found a GP who can help you, be very open about your difficulties. If he/she suggests a psychologist, especially if that person is on your BB list, then make an appointment. The GP can also write a mental health plan for you which allows you 10 free visits a year to a psychologist. Yes, you may need to pay for any follow up consultations, but it is a start and you will not have a great expense upfront.

Another reason for finding a good GP is that he/she should know the good psychologists in the area. I know my GP is very fussy about any specialist she refers me to, and this should be the case. As you live in Sydney there is probably a number of psychs who are suitable for you.

Your GP can also refer you to a psychiatrist if necessary. There is a difference between the way these two professionals work and your doctor can explain this difference and tell you which type of professional will be the most appropriate.

I will add a few comments from my experience. Have you discussed your depression with your family? These are the closest people in your life and can offer the most support. If they do not understand depression then get BB to send you some of the information sheets for family and friends. You can find these under the tabs above.

As Neil has said, exercise is great for mental health but not to the extent that it wears you out. I appreciate your feelings about the gym as I have been in a similar situation with another organisation. Sometimes you need to move on as the place you at has become toxic for you. I do know how hard it is to go somewhere new. Just think about the pros and cons of staying and leaving. Writing them down helps.

I hope you are feeling better. Write in again soon

Mary

[Smurf80]

Hi Dave,

I am originally from western sydney and although it was many years ago I was seeing a really good Psychiatrist and I don't think you will have to many problems finding someone good to talk to. Also regarding your medication, it might take time to find the best one for you. I've had 4 types and the ones I take now are the best for me with no negative side effects and I've been in this one for more than a decade. Just don't give up on the meds or finding a psychiatrist or psychologist that work best for you.

 Take Care and please keep us up to date on how you get on with therapy.

regards

Smurf80