What is Wrong With Me

[A_V]

I have a no reason to feel so low, on the surface a great husband, a great job a great place to live but I feel so blah with life. Its so boring, working such long hours from 7am to 5 or 6 at night, no real break then on weekends doing noting because I can't be bothered or were trying to save money so feel guilty for spending anything.

I just want to sleep all the time, I don't want to go out anywhere but when I force myself its not too bad, as long as a few drinks are consumed. I just want to lie in bed all day and sleep. Sleep, I can't get enough, I sleep 8 hours a night and wake up exhausted. Plus Ive put on a lot of weight which just makes me feel like a failure. I know I need to 'snap out of it' and just exercise and grow up and eat better but I have no motivation. I have no motivation to get what I want. Im so tired of always trying and getting nowhere, work is full on then saving money, not going on holidays because we're saving Im over it.

I should be at work but said I'd be late, I can't face it I feel anxious going in. I like my job I just feel that what if Im not smart enough for it. I study and work full time and get motivated for like a week then just fall back into my un-motivated blah state.

From the outside what have I got to be sad about, am i just a spoilt child who is sad because I don't have what I want or my savings account isn't big enough, or not skinny enough. I don't know I just want to go back to bed and cry and sleep and its not fair on my husband to feel like this. I am on medication for slight anxiety but lately these feelings of blah and boredom with life have been larger and its harder to just get on with it.

[blondguy]

Hello A.Vandelay

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting too!

I have had anxiety/depression for many years and understand where you are coming from. Not a really nice place to be in. Snapping out of it just doesnt work..the same as snapping yourself out of the pain of a toothache.

Just from my experience there may be some depression floating around. Feeling worthless or not smart/good enough is a 'tired' mind....maybe an exhausted mind...low self esteem etc.

The over sleeping and waking up exhausted are the red flags. The exhaustion will lead to your mind becoming tired and then open the door for these thoughts.

Good on you for having some meds for your mild anxiety..I hope you can take another step here and see your GP about the symptoms you are going through know....This is the first part of the healing process

I have a great GP who has been treating my depression since 1995. Best move I have made..and take meds for it

It would be great if you could post back and let us know what you decide to do 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Starwolf]

A warm welcome to you, A.V.,

The blah feeling you describe is all too familiar to many of us here at BB. I agree with Paul... knowing exactly what you are up against (and makes you feel unmotivated and miserable) would be a helpful first step towards addressing it. I suggest you scroll down to the bottom of this page and check the Depression/Anxiety checklist in "Facts".

The next step would be to talk about it with your GP. You are not being a spoiled child. Wanting happiness and peace of mind is normal, it is our birthright. You don't have to struggle alone. Sometimes, we all need to reach out for support to help us over a rough patch.

Reading your post, it seems to me that the tedium and commonplaces of life may have contributed to your state of mind. Our busy lifestyle often leaves little/no space to look after our individual needs. We lose track of our selves while attending to a busy schedule and boring routine. No wonder imbalance creeps in...

Perhaps it is time to take good care of those neglected needs. Reconnecting with yourself when motivation has gone out the window is not easy but the effort will be well worthwhile in the long run. What did make you tick in the past, what activities did you enjoy ? I know finding "me time" doesn't always come easy but it can be done.

Meanwhile, venting your feelings via these forums will help you clarify your thoughts and feelings to yourself. It will also reassure you that many others feel the way you do and find themselves in similar situations. It is always useful to know how other people manage their mental/emotional issues.

Great to have you on board.

[A_V]

Thanks for the posts. Yes, it is an accumulation of work pressure, study and just life I think.

My husband is great and has made me (not a bad way) contact a friend to have a chat this afternoon. I feel anxious about it because I do keep friends at arms length and don't let them in to see how 'weak' I can be.

Also, went for a bit of a walk at lunch, I love solitude at times. I definitely will be talking to my GP, I might need to look at different medication and also I'm looking at joining yoga.

Typing that makes me anxious at the thought of doing something about it all. I feel like just 'feeling' the darkness because when I think about it, its the first time in a long time I've actually felt something. I realise I've probably been a walking depressive, functioning but never getting excited about things except staying home.

[Music_Freak]

I've been where you speak of, and am probably still there.

I found that mindfulness has helped my anxiety, go for a walk and smell the flowers/live in the moment etc.

I think of things as baby steps, do a little bit of exercise to get fresh air and vitamin D, rather than focusing on weight loss etc.

Also, have you heard of the term "sanity allowance"? It's where you budget a certain amount each week/month and allow yourself to not feel guilty for spending it, you do it for you. Treat yourself to a coffee or a cheap meal out, or money on a hobby, something that makes you happy, that is allowed

[Starwolf]

Hi A.V.,

I agree that feeling something is way better than numbness. It is a reassuring sign of life, even if the feeling is not all that pleasant.

I'm glad you have been toying with the idea of taking steps to manage the situation. Yoga is terrific therapy, calming, focusing and re-balancing. A good choice.

I understand that thinking too much about a to-do list can be distressing. Focusing on the sense of achievement felt at ticking things off one by one is more rewarding. Anticipation is often worse than the actual deed anyway! No need to put too much pressure on yourself, going for small victories is a good strategy. Well done for at least considering those opportunities to take good care of yourself. That's a great start.

Please feel free to continue posting and let us know how you go.

Here for you.