Unsure and I guess afraid of the answers I will get

[Nathan_drake]

I have from a early age though I'm not quite " normal " 🙂

im not making light of it , I just think it helps me deal with it.

I find myself having months of endless energy and zest for life & then I hit this moment we're for a few 2/3 months I feel , deflated, anxious, annoyed, happy , crying on my own

I try to get over it by drinking and socialising , and when I was younger it definitely got " me through".Iam now feeling the low as I never have before and I decide to join this community and seek some ideas and thoughts.

I find my behaviour in reflection , can be terrible with drinking, I don't feel like going into that ,but I am sure you all get the picture.I work for organisation who seems to want to help and do the right thing , but I am still afraid of the stigma of seeing one of their health care practitioners, loss of job , competitiveness for promotion Etc.

I am great at my job when I'm "away" but now with recent promotion ,I am desk bound I feel so heavy and sick and weighed down .

its makes me feel thirsty and bloated and I feel like crying all the time , I know my mother suffered very badly with depression , so I guess I am unsure if it's connected.

im always the funny guy at work , the fit one, the guys you can count on for a laugh , so I guess doing / writing this has taken some doing 😔

Ppl when I am on top , I'm out of this world , I have a great energy and I want to be in everything and doing everything, but when this ,Black Dog comes around , I'm a shell of myself, a recluse , a drinker , unable to enjoy my love of movies and music , and ppl

i sleep around , become just another person , who I actually really dislike ,and I guess the Hardest thing is I go to work and but on a show the " I'm always great show "

I hope this makes sense to someone , because it does to me , and I'm 38 now and I want to get it under control !

Lamy thoughts of general feedback would be appreciated 🙂

[Music_Freak]

To me, you sound like you might be bi polar. My mum was and some of what you wrote reminds me of her.

I would look into getting professional help of some sort if you can, and drinking probably doesn't help matters, so you may need help with that too.

I have heard that mental illness can be inherited. I'm sure I am how I am because of my mum and her illness, at least a little.

I'm not sure what else to say and I hope you don't think I'm being critical, but you have made your first baby step by joining here, even if all you get is empathy, that can make you feel like you're not losing your marbles 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Nathan

Welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of strength to post and well done to you for doing so!

Having feelings like this can make our life miserable. I do understand where you are coming from as I have had depression since 1995 and still on the meds for it.

Just my humble opinion through experience, there is no such thing as 'Normal'. I am 56 and have yet to meet a 'normal' person. Being human we all have something going on that makes us 'different' in some way.

They are still working on depression and whether its hereditary but placing any spare energy into your health may be the way to go at the moment.

First priority see a good GP and let them know what you have said here...the emotional roller coaster ride etc.

The symptoms you have are really common with depression and can be relieved with regular visits to a GP or counselor.

Your post reminded me of myself, always the life of the party at work and feeling like an empty shell underneath

You will get back onto a even keel Nathan, right know the roller coaster of depression can be a pain with the highs and lows, but still common. The 'normal' people may have similar but dont have the guts to talk about it as you have.

It would be great if you could post back Nathan. You are more than welcome to post back as many times as you wish.

Great to have you as part of the BB Community 🙂

My Best

Paul

[Nathan_drake]

Thanks ppl for the thoughts and words ,

pits nice to actually get it off my chest ,

[Nathan_drake]

Thanks guys / girls

it feel good to just admit that I need help !

🙂

[Kazzl]

Hi Nathan, welcome to the forum. I'm Kaz, and I have bipolar disorder. We can't diagnose here on the forum, and I'm not attempting to, but I strongly suggest you talk with your doctor. I recognise everything you have mentioned - the highs and lows, the drinking to escape, the feeling of disconnection with yourself, the massive energy followed by a big crash ...

Information is our best friend when we don't understand what's going on with us. There's some information on the site about depression and bipolar and there is a wealth of info on bipolar out there if you google it. The Black Dog Institute has some good info. Please take a look. It's a terrifying thing to contemplate, but the more we know the more able we are to rule it in or out for ourselves and begin to manage.

Having said that though, of course you shouldn't diagnose yourself - you really do need to talk with your doctor in the first instance. If it turns out that bipolar is the diagnosis, try not to be scared. I was at first, and it's hard not to be. But for me it is also a relief to know why I am like I am. I've started treatment and while I'm not there yet (it takes a while to stabilise) I am confident that I'm doing the right thing and things will improve.

I have a thread on the Depression board called This Bipolar Life - maybe take a look and see if any of it resonates with you.

Hope you'll stay with us Nathan, and please take care.

Kaz