What do I enjoy?

[mekkem_89]

Hello,

I am in my mid 30s. I have 2 amazing children and a wonderful husband. I have great close family but no friends. I only need to work part-time so that's all I do. My children are busy with extra-curriculars and so is hubby. I'm really struggling to find enjoyment in anything. I'm withdrawing and then feeling lonely. I don't know what to do, or what I even enjoy anymore. Is this depression?

[Bob_22]

Hi mekkem_89,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling to find enjoyment in anything as well as feeling lonely. These can certainly be symptoms of depression. Regardless, it is definitely worth taking some action and/or seeking help for these things. It is good that you have recognised you are struggling and come here. 

Here is a link to the beyond blue page about signs and symptoms of depression as well as some supports available: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/depression/signs-and-symptoms 

This is another handy page which goes through some questions/checklist with you about how you've been travelling the last four weeks and gives you recommendations based on your answers. The checklist is completely anonymous and scientifically sound (it's called the K10 and I've answered many of these): https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/mental-health-check-in-k10 

I hope these help and please keep us updated on how you're going.

Bob

[David35]

I've had depression several times. Often it's because I've spent so much time and energy worrying about other people, I've forgotten what I have to look forward to anymore. Everyone needs something to look forward to, no matter how small. Whether its feeding ducks at a pond, reading a new author, trying a new Cafe,etc. Without that, the days all blend into each other. Sometimes the best way is to remove all the "noise" in life, the news, the chores, usually in some place without distractions. Could be the beach, the park..just declutter your mind and then start pursuing ideas that pop into your head.

Hope this helps. 🙏

[therising]

Hi mekkem_89

I think being the primary carer of our kids would have to be one of the most challenging jobs in life, along with raising our self in ways. Being a mum to 2 kids myself (20yo girl and 17yo boy) and being someone whose friends are largely immediate family, because they're just great people and really good friends (my mum and sister especially), has its challenges. I suppose, in a nutshell, I'd say the world I've been in for some years has been big enough for me and so incredibly full at the same time but now with life changing, I can feel certain depressing elements which dictate 'This is no longer enough'.

My kids have been my driving force for years, first as a full time mum (when they were fully dependent) and then as a part time mum (when they became semi dependent). Now with being on the verge of more a casual role, unless there's a significant challenge going on in their lives, I have more time to be me but I'm stuck trying to work out who me is. I've been left thinking 'I'm not sure if I know how to do life now that I have more time to do it'. Having taken this year off from going out to work part time, due to a number of challenges (including helping my aging parents), I've been a carer of others for such a long time, I don't think I know how to care for myself.

I think it can become depressing when 1) we're not exactly sure who we are and/or who we're in the process of becoming, 2) we're not sure how to do/live life outside of certain roles and 3) we don't know how to care for our self in ways that are energising, joyful and inspiring. Being someone who's a real feeler, I can feel the need for more while also feeling a depressing kind of lacking at the same time. Would you say that's how you feel?

What just came to mind is 'Empty nest syndrome'. Perhaps something worth Googling. While it's associated more so with kids having left home, I think it can also relate to when our chicks are no longer in the nest full time.

It's so hard when our partners continue with being who they've always been to a large degree, our kids are becoming more of who they're destined to be and we are kind of left wondering where to go from here.