Was treading the edges of depression - now I’m pulled back under.

[Jaaaybirdd]

I was doing better; even though work was hell, I’d push through the day and focus on the positives. But this week is perhaps the worst I have ever had to deal with.

This job has been turbulent from the start (November 2018), I went on 2 week stress leave due to work place bullying that my TL had said they’d resolve. That was in March. It is now July and it keeps happening. On my birthday, I got stood down from work due to a complaint from my bully, without hearing my side. (I still don’t know the incident I’m trying to defend myself of.)

I’m still trying to process this situation, but it’s really thrown me back into that dark place I spent ages trying to drag myself out of.

Is there something so wrong with me that I deserve the hatred and ire of another person? Because they’re making it easy to hate/despise myself.

I know I shouldn’t, as the wonderful BeyondBlue Support Member I spoke to today had said, but it’s so hard when I’ve had to deal with this since I started this job. The work environment is so hostile, that 8 hours a day, I don’t get spoken too by any of my team members. At all. Not even for work purposes. A lot of people have told me, maybe I should just do my job and not worry about them, keep my chin up and brush off their comments and attitudes. I try, but it weighs heavily after a while of the same atmosphere day in and day out.

the worse thing is, my TL said that they understand, as they’ve been in a similar situation- and then ignores or treats me like an idiot like everyone else. I have previously said to my TL that I was thinking of resigning because of my bully - and they came back with how much of a valuable team member I was and how everyone enjoys working with me, that my ideas are welcoming. But I don’t see that. Ever.

I have a psychologist appointment tomorrow - hopefully I can stop crying and get over it.

i just. I’ve had to pretend to my family that I’m not falling apart. I know they’re supportive and want to help - but, I feel myself shut down and pretend it’s all okay. And it’s not.

Its not.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jaaaybirdd,

Thanks for sharing your story and welcome tot he forum, I see you have a few posts recorded.

It must be confusing and conflicting to be told by the TL at work that you are appreciated yet you don't feel as though you are being acknowledged or validated.

Do other staff members interreact with each other more freely?

How did the appointment with the psychologist go? Were they able to help you with some ideas and suggestions?

No one deserves to be bullied and picked on. A friend was in a similar situation and she started being nice to the bully, letting them know their words were of no consequence. Not an easy thing to do I know.

In one work environment, I kept asking a nasty person about themselves and they soon turned around and became less obnoxious. It doesn't always work.

Do you have someone you can talk to about this? It does help to talk things out if people are willing to listen.

Hope the psychologist was able to help. Also hope sharing here helps as well. We are not professionals, but we do care for others!

Cheers from Dools