Was feeling good but quickly taken away from me

[DB1986]

Hi all,

I'm a first time poster. 2015 was when I first encountered serious depression.. I had a relationship break up, moved states and had a very sick father.. so I could almost "justify" why I felt so bad.. It took me about six months but I eventually got myself out.. but the antidepressants I was put on never game me vitality, they just helped me function day to day.

Fast forward until the end of Jan 2018, and I had another relationship breakdown... this was the catalyst for me to spiral into a major depression (which i'm still in) - although a catalyst, I know it wasn't just this.. I think ever since my last episode in 2015 i've always been right on the edge, but that break up came as a huge shock and pushed me over the edge.

Since 2015, I was on multiple types of medications, fast foward until now and I have a new (but amazing psychiatrist) who genuinely cares and wants to help.. Initially he put me on something different to try and help me get out of the spin but I had a terrible reaction and went into Akathisia.. So for the last month i've been on two seperate and different medications again. 

What i'm struggling to understand is last week I felt so good, like I was getting back to my old self.. and then I woke up on Sunday and had completely returned to that numb feeling of just wanting to die (i'm not suicidal, life just seems pointless). I've told my psychiatrist and he said he's seen it before when peoples mooods go up really quickly that they can come crashing back, and he attributes a lot of it to coming off the other medication about a month ago...

So my question is:
1) wouldn't the AD's have already been out of my system?
2) How can I go down so quickly?
3) Am i just on the wrong drugs?

Sorry for the essay.. I have a very supportive network but none of them experience depression so can't really understand it.

[geoff]

Hello DB1986, please let me welcome you to the forum, it's filled with people who have had to suffer and then overcome their own sort of depression.

Many are still struggling but they join in the conversations on the site to try and help others.

I'm also sorry for these relationship breakdowns, but we never know the power of what depression can do, one minute you might be feeling better but then something sparks inside of you to bring this illness back in force.

We can't diagnose but what we can do is relate any situation to our own and then comment on it from our own experience.

It's good that you have support and slowly they may learn what depression means.

To answer your questions, well, people may have to try several different types of medication before the right one is found, this is not uncommon, and when coming off any medication everybody is different, where one medication may suit you but not somebody else.

The same applies when coming off them, and if this particular pattern continues where you go to bed feeling better and then to wake up feeling numb, then you should get your psychiatrist to review your situation.

Geoff.