Very broken today!

[Pete81]

Not a good day Have cried for most of it. I've hidden from others so no one see's me cry and just moped about the farm. I feel very broken watching my ex wife take her and the kids stuff out of the house its gutting me to watch taking away fond memories and good times on the farm. Have been catching up with a few people of late for Christmas and just to say goodbye before i move away for work and just in case things turn bad and i don't get the chance to talk to them again sounds pathetic i know but just don't have the strength or fight to battle too  much at the moment. i know it sounds like I've given up just having a bad week i suppose, But i am really starting to scare myself and make myself believe it will be the last time i see many of these people. I have seen my doc again and went to the salvos to talk to someone but im just in a spot of feeling no matter what i do its not going change my situation and im still going to be alone and have nothing. All I can say is I'm very down and feel very broken and unfix-able today.

[amamas]

Big hugs Pete

Thinking of you!

[Pete81]

Thanks amamas

[amamas]

No worries mate!

I'm here if you want to keep talking (writing)

Hugs

[Jo3]

Hi Pete

Thinking of you at this hard time.  Pls keep writing, we are all here to support you at this difficult time.

Has your doctor prescribed you any anti depressants or suggested counselling?

Pls stay in touch, because we care

Jo

[MikeyC]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening, Pete. It's a bit raw now because it's happening right now, so I hope you can get through this difficult time relatively unscathed.

Take care of yourself, mate!

[guest75]

Hi Pete

I know how you are feeling as im going thru a very similar situation...Im feeling very similar to you in that i cant see the point of why im here - just remember your kids, thats whats getting me through at the minute

I hope you find the suppport you need, im taking medication and seeing a psrchologist t the minute to get through, i hope you try something similar

all the best

Matty

[Neil_1]

Hi Pete

Some really nice warm posts have been sent, and I hope that has helped.  Matty also responded with some excellent points.

When my Mum sold Dad's farm, after Dad passed away and then there had to be the, you know, the clean out and tidy up of everything, I just couldn't bring myself to go back, knowing it would be the last time that I set foot on that property, which was in Dad's family for generations and generations.  It was going to upset me too much.

I really feel for you in this way and to top it off, with your children there as well.

Mate, I hope that you're bearing up ok at this hellishly difficult time;  and what you did by catching up with friends over Christmas was an excellent thing.  In no way does it sound like you've given up;  and mate, it's not pathetic either.  Far from it.  You made an effort which would have taken a hell of a lot out of you to do, to go and see people who you've obviously known for a long time.  And then to tell them that you're moving ... and to a journey in to the kind of unknown.

Please let us know how you're going at the moment and when will it be that you will actually be moving?  I hope you can keep us posted with how you're going, so that we can possibly give you some support via this site if you would like.

Kind regards

Neil

[Pete81]

Hi I know its been ages since I posted on here. I back in the same spot again if not worse except now I live alone on a remote cattle property and my ex is putting pressure on me to give up the kids and if I do get to spend a couple minutes with them she sits beside them. the kids are just devastated when they found out I couldn't come and stay with them anymore I have never seen them so upset the looks on there faces and screams for me was awful it actually made me vomit I have never felt like that before. now every minute I'm awake that's all I can see and hear. 99% of my friends have walked away from me since I separated and I have no family to talk to. I just want it  finished and to have a day of no pain at the moment I have no purpose nothing to carry me through apart from my two loyal blue dogs. They are the only things making me stay around . Just cant do it anymore


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[laura86]

Hi Pete,

My name is Laura, I'm fairly new on here so I haven't replied to you before. 

I completely understand your dark times and the feeling of being abandoned and alone. I had a situation a few years ago with my much younger brother who was 6 at the time where my mum made it difficult for me to see him and when I would leave he would cry and be devastated. It was just horrible and it meant I could hardly ever see him. That situation did get better but at the time it tore me apart. Do you live far away from your kids? And if it's not too person, is there are reason you aren't able to have them on weekends etc? You don't need to answer that if you don't want to. Don't ever give up your kids. My mum tried to make my dad do that when they split up when I was little. I'm so glad he didn't give up even though at the time he felt SO defeated and suffered so badly from losing his family and his life as he knew it.  

I can also really relate to what you're saying about your dogs. I have 2 cats and sometimes they are the only reason I'm still around. Because like you I just want to have a day where I don't feel pain, where I wasn't constantly reminded of happier times and just break down in tears. I feel like I've lost everybody too- where have all those friends gone? I think most people on these forums know what that is like. It really sucks and just makes it worse. However I think it's fantastic that you can reach out on these forums and talk to us because I know that's not easy.

Almost every day now I feel like I can't do it anymore. To wake up every day and feel pain and anxiety. But I keep posting here and keep striving because I hope that it will get better. I really really hope!!

Anyway please keep posting and let me know how you're doing. 

Speak to you soon

Laura