Ups and downs

[peacock]

Hi. I first got diagnosed with depression about 30 years ago. I usually feel Good on my medications but every now and then I have blip that lasts anywhere from hours to days. During these times I cry a lot an feel very down. It affects my ability to work or do the things I usually enjoy. When it passes I feel back to normal but I live in fear of these bad days. I know what to do on these days, eg exercise, talk to my husband, ring lifeline but really I just have to wait for it to pass. Does anyone else experience these dips in mood? Do have any tips for getting through this? Thanks

[Yana8216]

Hello Peacock!

I have blips too. I was chatting to a close friend recently who also has blue days. We agreed that often there seems to be no obvious reason or way to predict these difficult emotional periods. I also find it difficult to practise self care when my mood is low. One thing I've noticed lately that can help me forget my worries is: the most absorbing distractions are the ones that have an element of unpredictability. Going to new places, talking to little kids or people who aren't neurotypical, spending time with animals, finding a different, funny TV show to stream... even eating something you haven't tried before and sitting in a different room/outdoor area than you normally would.

I feel for you living in fear of these bad days and I would talk to your GP about it if you don't feel self care is working.

[peacock]

Hi Yana , thanks for responding. It helps in some way to know others feel the same sometimes. I feel much better today but when I’m in that dark place I’m convinced I’ll never get out, despite the fact that I always do. 

[therising]

Hi peacock

I think the blips can be so challenging because it can be so hard to pick exactly what they're about. While some causes are so blatantly obvious (regarding that downshift), some are real head scratchers. Whether it's some subconscious thought or a collection of them that triggers the downshift, a change of inner dialogue so subtle to the point where we just don't see where it's heading or there's some chemical shift we can sense but don't recognise, I've found there's always a reason for the shift.

Being a gal who left long term depression behind me at 35, there have been plenty of blip moments from then 'til now at 52. I can relate to the fear. If they go on for a couple of months, I start to get more down along with a serious fear of returning to long term depression. And then, bamm, I'm out of it while always wondering what caused it.

One way I've come to look at it is...every time it happens I'm facing some depressing or potentially depressing challenge. The question becomes 'What is the challenge in this case?' or 'What am I feeling myself being sensitive to?'. Whether it involves a sensitivity to a family member's behaviour that I've been tolerating for years until now (when it's suddenly reached a tipping point), a sensitivity to a drop in my B12 levels which I get shots for, a sensitivity to a depressing lack of adventure or inspiration in life or a sensitivity to having reached the peak of exhausting challenges while failing to put enough energy back into my body (good quality sleep, food, hydration, exercising energy etc), there is always some cause. I can be sensitive to downshifts and sensitive to upshifts and also sensitive to feeling a kind of in between nothingness. If there are no upshifts happening that I can really feel, I can remain down.

Can be so much detective work with depression. At the end of the day I've found, while being incredibly hard to live with at times, it is a driving force behind the quest for greater self understanding.