Hello S98.
I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this, but its great that you've reached out here. There are lots of people who can relate to where you're at, so you're not alone in this.
I just wanted to tell you about my experience of hospitalisation, because I've been in several times. Firstly, there is a very big difference between public and private hospital. I've only discussed private here, though I've been in both.
When I've been in a private hospital it has been a positive experience. There were a mix of a lot of different types of people there, with different kinds of symptoms and severity. Some people go inpatient when they're very unwell and need crisis care, and others go in when they just need more intense support than they get on the outside, to learn new skills to manage, or change/start medication.
In my experience their are groups that run each day to teach you about your illness and skills that will help you to manage your symptoms, relationship, self-esteem etc. I've seen a lot of people REALLY benefit from this. At the hospital I've been at it's a 3 week program, but people stay for lots of different lengths of time depending on how they are.
Deciding to go into hospital is a difficult decision (it still is for me, even though I've had to be admitted several times). The main thing I hear from people is "but am I really unwell enough?" Maybe you can relate to this. But in your post you mention that you want to do something before it gets worse. And I think maybe this is one of the keys- It is usually easier to learn and use skills when you're not at crisis point.
I hope this helps a little. Hospital might seem like a big deal, but it doesn't need to be. It is actually a very brave and responsible thing to do, and if you are in danger it is crucial. My psychologist tells me that I need to "see hospital as just another tool in my kit", rather than get so down on myself for going in. In my experiences the staff have been wonderfully caring and supportive and the connections made with other patients who are on this same journey, is just as important. It can make us feel so much less alone in our battle.
If I can help you further, let me know.
Take care,
Alexlisa x
