Triggered by posting on BB

[Just Sara]

Today I posted a few times; the last time I wrote some really interesting stuff about power and control. As my day has progressed, I've had increasing low feelings and a heavy chest.

I figure power is an item of contention, especially with re to my ex who I wrote about. This is difficult...I'm trying to ride it out, these feelings are known to me oh so well. It's now moving into my shoulders and up into my throat. I feel depressed, but my body says anxiety. Tears are building; trying to see the screen. Waiting for words to come...I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be alright. (many tears)

I miss physical touch.

I feel raw...exposed...vulnerable

I ventured out of my protective bubble and am paying the price. I talked with him...setting myself up. His false charm got me again. Why do I punish myself like that. Memories of his hugs?

Self destructive behaviour...OMG I'm so angry with myself. I hate feeling needy. He's not worth this...I deserve to feel better about myself.

Learning to protect myself...not from him...from me. My bubble is my space and who I let in or venture out to meet has to be learned. I need to be more self aware. (Taking a breath)

[Guest_1055]

Dearest Dizzy

You seem to be overflowing with emotions. I am so sorry you are hurting enormously at the moment. I long to help you feel better somehow. Oh please know I care. I will hold you dear Dizzy. Can you feel a comforting hug?

Let the tears out, just let it all out.

Sending some love to you too, if you will except it into your heart.

Thinking of you

Shell xx

[Just Sara]

Dear Shelley;

Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement and support; so loving and caring. As much as my words seem helpless and deep, yours are a counterbalance to bring me back to my centre.

Although it was very painful, these episodes are a necessary evil for me to explore how my thoughts, beliefs and behaviour create a childlike atmosphere of powerlessness. Developing changes means I need to know what it is that needs to change. Automatic responses like driving a car, and then switching to manual takes growth, step by step learning and letting go of past (invisible) driving techniques.

I use my bubble metaphor as it symbolises the way I've exposed myself to abusive people and need to create boundaries that weren't taught growing up.

BB forum has been an amazing tool for self discovery. Although painful, the self awareness I gained was/is immeasurable. And; it's through people such as yourself that pave the way to forgiveness and kindness towards myself.

These past few weeks there was something gnawing at me. It came to a head last night. This morning the clouds have lifted and clarity once more is my friend.

The love and compassion you offered is accepted with gratitude in my heart; my bubble. See...I'm allowing the good in. Thankyou Shell...Dizzy x

[blondguy]

Hello Dizzy

I am also like yourself..The same feelings of why did I contact my ex. I hear you so very clearly especially with the thoughts of that crushing emptiness and wanting hugs or even a conversation.

You are not being self destructive or punishing yourself...you are human...and flawed as we all are. I am sorry that you were so low yesterday....

I have seen how much your care for others on the forums Dizzy. You are a gift to all of us 🙂

I am happy that you have some clarity this morning.

((Hugs)) for you

Paul

[Just Sara]

Hugs to you too dear Paul;

Nice to hear from you, and thank you for your confidence in me. Just been cruising an old thread of mine. I wanted to read all the posts again as a reminder of the inner strength and beauty in us all.

Your presence and words are so valuable to me...just sayin'

Love and light to all...Dizzy x

[Doolhof]

Hi Dizzy,

Hopefully sharing how you are feeling here has helped you to find some clarity and sense to your thoughts and emotions. I like the way you express yourself. Do you find it helpful to get those thoughts out of your mind and to share them with others in this way? I do!

Sometimes contacting people from the past who have meant so much to you can be either very painful or rewarding. We will never know until we do so. It is hard to know and accept when a relationship/frienship/connection is no longer appreciated or reciprocated.

Rejection can hurt like crazy! I have had some friends whom I thought were very close, only to find out the friendship has ended but I had not been notified! Ha. Ha. It is tough and it does hurt.

The main thing is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put on that protective bubble if you need to for a while but be prepared to let others in now and then.

Meanwhile look after yourself, find time to participate in act ivies you enjoy and that help to boost your self esteem.

Hold your head high, tell yourself that you matter and think of ways to make your day better.

Sending you all self confidence and acceptance! From Mrs. Dools

[Just Sara]

Good morning Mrs Dools;

The response I've received from members has been wonderful and much appreciated. On the night I fell apart, I could've written in my journal, but I chose to post here. I'm so glad I did.

Yes, letting go of the relationship with my ex has been so difficult as you say. Especially living alone and withdrawing from my family, social media and society. I needed to do this to find me. But sometimes 'cabin fever' sets in and old habitual behaviour creeps back to the 'norm' of past.

It's a work in progress. As for friends, your description of finding out afterwards that friends have gone is so true for me too. They avoid or are absent with their excuses, but my over-sensitivity gives clues it's inevitable. That hurts; my trust is being eroded as time goes on. However I live in hope that as I change, so will the people I attract into my circle; law of attraction.

Thankyou again Mrs D...Dizzy x

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Dizzy,

I remember that post, it helped me feel a little better. I had my own reaction for my own reasons and to know that there was someone who got the issues was a really important thing. So I guess it is a thankyou.

Sometimes there are triggers in this place. I'm glad you were able to say something and have the support. It is sometimes said that you find out who your true friends are when facing adversity. I guess it is true. I have hope things will change and that there are good people we are going to meet.

All the best,

Rob.

[Just Sara]

Hey Rob;

I'm happy my post was helpful; it makes me feel of value. It was an important subject (for me) and stirred up quite a bit of rhetoric (for others) I hope you don't mind me saying; your posts were very passionate. I can't say I disagreed with your standpoint either. Good on ya!

And yes, there's always hope for us...sooner rather than later. (smiling) It'd be nice to find someone I 'fit' with.

Thanks for your input Rob

Dizzy x

[blondguy]

Hi Dizzy! Thankyou for writing back...it means a great deal to me to get a kind response

I read something you wrote that I could have
written
myself since I have been 'on the air' in January this year ..."
Especially living alone and withdrawing from my family, social media and
society. I needed to do this to find me. But sometimes 'cabin fever'
sets in and old habitual behaviour creeps back to the 'norm' of past"I 'hear' you loud and clear ....your words reflect my situation.....Thanks to your post I know I am not alone Paulx (Hugs)Sorry about the fragmented post...My old pc crashed and I just put humpty dumpty back together again :-)...