Tried everything

[mesh65]

Im a 28 y/o happily married guy and was officially diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder when I was 19. Since then, Ive tried everything. Self help books, psychologist, psychiatrists, anti depression medications and everything. Its about 6 weeks since Ive finished another treatment period. Its shocking that Im a physician. I actually finished medschool about two years ago. Im also diagnosed with adult ADHD and OCD. I haven’t killed myself because I strongly believe in after life. I actually tried to find a way out of my faith to kill myself but I couldn’t.

Another shocking thing is that I actually have a good life. Just bought my second house, have an average car. My wife is a 3rd year OB/GYN resident, I am the supervisor of medical students’ research in a university and was able to upgrade the rank of student research position of my university from 24th to 3rd in 6 months and this year we’ll become 2nd. If I wasn’t depressed, we would have become the 1st in the country. During the last several months, I don’t go to work regularly and haven’t done anything. The changes Ive made haven’t happened with hard work, only by implementing new teaching methods and some creative changes. Im finishing my mandatory service in 6 months and even though I have good offers of staying in this university with great promotional offers (which I would be great at). But I have rejected the offers until now…

I cant find out what to do… believe me, I have done much while depressed and I can do much more (the bar is very very low over here and no one has done anything so whatever I do will dramatically change many lives) if I could manage this disorder but Ive become disappointed and currently believe that it cant be managed at all.

Anyone have an answer, opinion or something for me?

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[Chloekat84]

Hey mesh65.

I have depression myself which goes up and down constantly that I don't know what each day will bring. Have u told ur wife about how u feel and how bad ur depression is? Im sure she would be supportive and be a shoulder for you. Also have u followed up with a doc to treat u since u were 19? There have been a lot of advances in technology since then and u may need a mood stabiliser as well as a anti depressant which is what im on. U may need to do an updated mental health care plan. If you cant find a suitable doc in ur area u can click "get support" on the top on the page and there should be a list of suitable docs that can help you. Everyone on these forums are very friendly ive found and are good to listen when u need to vent. We are here if u need us. Take care x

[mesh65]

Thank you for your reply. I actually thought no one would even read what i wrote... but i now have two answers and thats fantastic...

Well, I ve told my wife. actually she has helped a lot. But since she is a 3rd year resident, she is never home... whenever she comes home, she sleeps... then she has to study... so she cant be a good help at the time... actually, she needs support and when she is home, it has to look like Im completely fine. Of course she understands my situation but she doesnt have the tools to help me...

About following up with a doctor, I have to say that I currently live in a deprived area of a third world country... (a third hand city of a third world country!). So anyone who comes here only comes for a few years (to do their compulsory duty) and after that escapes from here. However, I do talk to my psychiatrist on the phone and get medications from here (the medications have not been changed that much) thats one of the reasons why I need to improve because the people of this province have exactly no one. Im not in Australia anymore so the "get support" option doesnt work for me. Ive been thinking about a mood stabilizer too. I call my doctor for a ask his opinion...

[AGrace]

Hi mesh65,

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad chloe has already offered some suggestions in where to next, as mental illness can be a bit of a bugger to manage.

You mentioned in your post that you have tried everything, may I ask what you have tried? It might help us ascertain what you could try. In my view many of the treatments and coping strategies for mental health are life long commitments rather than something we try in order to overcome an obstacle and then leave behind.

Have you had a look at the following threads:

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

TIPS FOR SURFING URGES

A x 3 - B An equation for Mental Health

(If you type the headings into the search function top right of page you will be directed to the relevant threads) Some of the suggestions there might get you off to a start in the interim.

May I also ask what's got you to where you are today? How have you managed to lead such a prosperous and enriched life up until this point? We can be very quick at discounting the positives, however you have made some wonderful achievements that you can be really proud of.

Hope to hear more from you.

AGrace

[mesh65]

Its lovely that you guys are helping someone that you’ve never met and probably wont meet… this is the definition of humanity.

Thank you for your answer. Actually, the things Ive tried include psychotherapy, medications, and self help. Im aware that due to the deprivation of the area, nothing I tried was complete or even close to complete, but Ive tried every possible way in here. When I was in medschool, I took six months off to work on myself and eliminated every single stress trigger (it was the best thing I did and helped me improve a lot).

I even tried to go around religion and pray and stuff but I couldn’t keep up (it really helps me but I cant continue). I really want to do many things, Ive prioritized them and went around them one by one. Listened to tony robbins a lot and really tried to implement what he said but couldn’t keep up with anything. As someone who also has ADHD, I cant commit to anything for a long time…

I still haven’t read those threads. Thank you for introducing them to me.About the things I seem to have achieved, I must say that they are the result of three things;

1. the bar is very low at where I live,
2. the result of an IQ test I took showed that Im well above average (it might be correct)

3. the things I have achieved before are irreversible. In here, you wont get kicked out of anything. Everyone has an unwritten tenure!! They just change your department. That’s why nobody works at the office. So if you take some effort and be creative, you will be able to be lucky enough to find ways that benefit others (and makes them do the work and I only do the thinking), and this, results in a great outcome (compared to others).

I mean, what Ive seem to have achieved are not related to my hardworking. In other terms, I truly haven’t achieved anything for work ive done during the past two years. Whatever comes are the result of what I did before.

[mesh65]

How can I delete this thread?

[Bluererer]

Not sure - you might be able to report it with an explanation? If you are worried that someone you know will read it and recognise you I would say chances are pretty slim, also looking at it objectively there is nothing that you have posted that you should feel ashamed about 🙂

Regarding your original question,I have been depressed on and off for a few years, and it is different for everyone. For myself, I have slowly accepted that I will probably go through bad periods for the rest of my life, but for me it is not so much how I feel, but how I perceive others are seeing me.

I'm not really one for inspirational quotes etc, but I love visiting Daniell Koepke's page because she highlights the need to accept how and who you are.

Are you really not being helpful or are you beating yourself up because you feel like you should be doing more, or feel that others expect you to do more? Sometimes we have to care less about what others are thinking - or what we THINK they are thinking (hard to do I know!).

Have a look anyway http://internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com/