where to from here

depressed · ‎08-09-2014

I have a job I hate coming to, I need to work like everyone eles. I know its the depression that makes me see all the negatives, but when I try to give positive feedback I am forced down. for the last 4 years I have changed jobs (same profession) more times I can remember. am I going to stay in a job or even like going to work???????? My husband died nearly a year ago not helping things. I was diagnoised with depression & anxiety in 2006, leading to being medically let go from an eight year job I loved.can anyone tell me there is a positive end to all this????????????

geoff · ‎08-09-2014

hi depressed, I am sincerely so sorry for the loss of your husband, and it's always difficult to post a comment about how you feel with the situation you are now in, but please your safe here as we try and help anyone who posts a comment and your no different, so we would like to welcome you here.

Is it possible that the reason you have changed jobs so often is caused by your depression, in that your negative thoughts have dominated everything, which in turn made you feel so comfortable, so you try again in another job, but the same happens.

I am concerned that in 2006 you were dismissed from that job because of your depression, which in fact shouldn't have happened, because it's not allowed to occur, but at the moment you are not strong enough to contest this decision at the present time, and can be handled later on if you so wish.

Trust me that there is a silver lining in the future, but how long this will take, well, no one knows, as everyone is different, because some people overcome it in a relatively shortish time, while others and they are on this site are still struggling with it.

These people have been so generous in that they do reply to what other people say, which I want to thank them so very much , because it's never easy.

I know that you have had this illness a few years before your husband unfortunately passed away, but I have a feeling that you may need some 'grief counselling', which can then relate to back to your original depression, so it's all included.

Can I ask you a couple of questions, and please only reply to these if you want, but just concerned if you are taking any antidepressants to begin with, and also some professional help by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

You can get 10 free visits to see a psych which your doctor can organised, and if you are not happy with the doctor you are seeing then if you click under 'get support' at the top of this page there are many doctors who are actually aligned to BB and relate back to people with depression.

I do hope that you can get back to us, plus I wonder what other support you may have as well. L Geoff. x

Neil_1 · ‎08-09-2014

Dear Depressed

Just like Geoff, I too would like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for providing your post.

Am I assuming right in that the kind of job you were doing 8 years ago was a different type to the one that you are doing now?? Is that correct? I only ask this as you said you loved that job 8 years ago; whereas now you have a job that you hate. And wow, I think there’s so many of us who are (or have been) in that position. It does nothing to help any enthusiasm or positivity if there’s a job that we have to go to that we really dislike!

What are the opportunities in the area you live for other prospective jobs?? Would your skills allow you to try to branch out a bit in the search for other kinds of work??

As you probably already know, it is far better to be working when searching for other jobs – so as difficult and hard as it is currently for you going to work to do a job that you dislike, I really hope that there might be something else out there that you may feel might be good for you. I guess the key here is to hunt hard and often and apply, apply, apply. I always consider it a bit like fishing. The more lines you have baited and in the water, the better chance that you’ll land a fish.

Kind regards

Neil

depressed · ‎16-09-2014

Sorry its been a week for my reply but its been a difficult week, its 12months on saturday since I lost the love of my life. As you probably gathered I am a nurse. The hardest thing about being a nurse is you always have to be happy and jolly for the patients sake, I try to 'fake it until I can make it' but as you know that can be very hard.

I have been for an interview today for my dream job, they phoned my out of the blue and asked me to interview. Its away from the clinical arena and into education. I have applied for every job going and yet this one came up. In the interview the manager said all the right thing, 'I have the skills, knowledge and attitude' so hopefully this will be the one. I wont know for approx 2 weeks, but heres to hopeing.

Doolhof · ‎16-09-2014

Hi Depressed and welcome to the Beyond Blue "family and Community". I am so thrilled for you when I read your last post! I so hope the new employment opportunity happens for you. If not this particular job, then you now have a different avenue to go down.

I worked in a home for the elderly for 10 years so know a little about having to give all the time to your residents/patients. During those years I had 3 stillbirths, so I also know a little about the grief factor.

I am so very sorry to read of your husband's death, and like it has been mentioned earlier, I am wondering if you have or are receiving grief counselling or any other kind of help and assistance to help you through.

Anniversary's can be very hard days to go through. There was another post recently about remembering special days and how painful those days can be. Some people replied with wonderful ideas and thoughts around such occasions, on how to cope with those dates and to make them very special instead of always so depressing. You may be able to find it if you look through the other posts. I don't recall the exact title. I certainly found some of the information very helpful.

In saying this, I am not trivialising your husband's death at all, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. I hope you are able to celebrate his life and the time you had together. If you don't mind me asking, do you have children or family close by whom you can have a meal with and share stories and possibly tears about your husband?

I'm wishing you all the best with this new job you are applying for! Congratulations to you for trying to keep going through what must have been a very hard year for you. You deserve an award for staying positive even through the depression and grief.

I'm wondering if you have thought of pampering yourself in some way? You give so much to others every day you are at work. I am thinking of something along the lines of a massage, buy yourself a beautiful bunch of flowers, your favourite chocolates, buy take away and go to a park, a beach, a place of beauty and enjoy the surroundings, have a manicure. Do something to honour the loving, caring person you obviously are.

Thinking of you, from Dools

depressed · ‎17-09-2014

Dools

Thanks for your reply. I am looking forward to hearing back from my interview. As far as family they are very supportive of my depression although they did not like my husband and blame him for the depression. I can not afford to pamper myself yet, but plan to. I am studying at the momement and that takes away some of the thoughts. you know busy mind keeps negative thoughts away.

I feel numb at the momement, so sorry if this is not making sense. as far as seeing councellor, I have to be careful that they don't report me to the registration board as not responsible enough to keep my registration. I don't think I could give up a childhood dream of being a nurse for depression.

As the saying goes, ;Only those that care about you can hear you when your quiet'

th

geoff · ‎17-09-2014

dear Depressed, the saying 'Only those that care about you can hear you when your quiet', is so true, because you can be read like a book that only you and them will understand, so because of this saying Beyond Blue and the people who respond to you are people who can hear you as we are faceless and our identity is unknown. Geoff.

Doolhof · ‎17-09-2014

Dear Depressed,

Hi. I am going to shorten that to De, hope you don't mind. Thanks for getting back to me. I totally understand not having the money to pamper yourself, so maybe you can be quite inventive and think of ways to do so without spending extra money.

You could put on some music at home and set your self up for a hand manicure, paint your nails, then get out your moisturiser or even your olive oil and give yourself a hand massage.

When you are next visiting a friend or family member with a garden, ask them if you could please have some of their flowers to take home. I am sure they would be happy to give you some.

When you have some time off work, pack yourself a picnic lunch and go somewhere nice to eat it. I often do this between my clients. A bit of time out in the sun or in any weather apart from the pouring rain can do wonders for your soul!

Have a bubble bath, light a couple of candles if you have some. Go to the library and borrow some movies or books. When I am feeling a bit depressed and can't read, I borrow books that have beautiful pictures in them of gardens, places around the world, crafts, anything where I can admire the photos and not have to read anything if I don't want to.

I'm sorry your family feel as though your husband caused your depression. It is hard to let these thoughts go. You knew your husband in such a way your family was never able to as you were always with him, and we all see and experience people differently.

Congratulations to you on studying. Yes, a busy mind does have less time to think negative thoughts. I am a little surprised that a counsellor/psychologist or anyone in that field would have the right to contact your work place to tell them anything about your health be it in the mental field or otherwise? Have you tried the counsellors here at Beyond Blue? I have used the webchat and found that to be very helpful to me. You could phone them also, or lifeline for example. You can speak to these people anonymously. Please do reach out and chat with someone in person if you need to and continue here as long as we are able to help and encourage you.

Another long post from me! I don't do short messages very well. Ha. Ha.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the help and support your need right now,

From Dools

depressed · ‎29-09-2014

Thanks Dools

I have plucked up the courage to delete my husband from my phone, OK I burst into tears after I did it and felt REALLY sorry I did but it is done now and I can not go back. I am trading our car in and am picking up MY new car Wednesday. I feel stronger now, I still get lonely and talk to him regularly. I have a new GP and have a referal for councelling. I am not sure that they can offer much but I'll give them a go. I think I have another job, that I would class as my dream job. And yes this job I can have nice nails and wear makeup etc... I took your advice and went for a massage, felt strange but am committed to putting some money away just for me to spend on me. This would make a change because he would spend all the money on alcohol and ciggs and there was never any money for me.

Unfortunately my husbands world revolved around him, and so did mine. Now I am learning how to be a little bit selfish and have nice clothes, shoes and even hair just for me.

I think I am on my way from missary to happiness.!!! Oh and yes you can call me DE.