Too hard

[Shell]

I feel like I am not supposed to be happy even though I want to be for some reason life feels like its against me and always has been. Im not having good thoughts about myself, Its been a bad year Im just not sure I can do it anymore.

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[JessF]

Hello Shell, I'm going to ask a question and I hope you don't think I'm being flippant. What does your little dog think?

My life has been saved many times by my pets. When you feel like you can't do it anymore, look into their eyes and see what you feel. 

[Kennaugh8]

Hi Shell,

It sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment. Is there anything in particular that is getting you down or the accumulation of small things? Do you have any family or friends that you are able to talk to? Reaching out for help is the first step and expressing yourself on Beyond Blue is a great place to start. When you feel like everything is going against you, life can be so overwhelming and it can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Talking with someone can help you to work through the things that are getting you down and help show you that these hard times won't last forever. 

Please stay strong and use this forum, friends or family to reach out. The light is there and it will shine again.

Chris

[White_Rose]

Dear Shell

Hello and glad you found your way here. I wonder if you chose your BB name because you feel as though you are in a shell. Just the way my mind works.

It is always sad when someone feels they are struggling against great odds and there is no end in sight. It's easy to say the sun will shine again, as indeed it will, but from where you are it does seem hopeless.The folk who write here have all experienced similar sadnesses and can offer you tips on how they coped. And they have found the sunshine again. I also despaired of finding anything good in my life and felt I would never be happy again. But I have found it can change, truly.

Your post was very short so I do not know much about you. Can you write in again and tell us some more about your difficulties? Do you receive any professional help from your GP or a psychologist? If not then I think you need to see your GP ASAP. It's good to talk to someone who can see you more objectively than you can see yourself. And is in a position to give you help. The great thing about talking to a doctor is that it is all confidential. What you say will not be repeated to anyone and you will be regarded as a person who needs help, not as anything else.

I hope you can write in again soon.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Shell

Thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

I’m so pleased that you’ve received a couple of really excellent responses from both Jess and Kennaugh8;  I hope by reading them both, this has helped you a bit (or maybe, and hopefully, a lot).

Your post has expressed a lot of down moments for you and you know what, that’s absolutely fine.  It’s great that you’re able to post and unload about this kind of thing – it’s so much better to get things like this, feelings out in the open.

I’m not sure if you’ve sought out any professional help as yet, but that would be another huge positive step for you to take – and let’s face it, you’ve already been positive, simply by coming here and posting. 

On this site, Beyond Blue have a list of many GP’s who can be searched for.  The thing with these gp’s is that they are all experienced in dealing with mental health issues and so by going to one of these, they’ll be able to diagnose you, and give you constructive advice and help.  They’ll also be then be best able to refer you on to any counselling if they think this might be necessary.

I do hope this helps a bit and it would be awesome to hear back from you, if you’d like to post again.

Kind regards

Neil

[Shell]

Hi Shell is short for Michelle and this is my year so far.....At the start of the year I saw my brother for the first time in many many years, I don't have any family to speak of except my son and daughter who are not at home anymore. My brother told me he had cancer of the mouth and neck he got diagnosed shortly after I saw him. I had to give up working nights because someone was hanging around the house when I did...smashing mailbox turning off electricity and the last night I worked they kicked my front door in...then I had to give up working nights making it financially hard as I live alone. Then I tore my rotator cuff (shoulder) in two places don't have health insurance. A pipes burst in the front yard. A neighbour keeps complaining to the council about my dogs barking during the day saying ill get an 800 dollar fine if it continues. Someone smashed into my car. I met someone who I was seeing for a while he told me he could never have a relationship (with me) because of the depression thing and I just wasn't his type lol meaning he was obviously just using me ( this is the first man Ive seen in about 4 years) The dog thing gets me the most though because I don't know what I would do if I had to give them up. Its only July I don't know maybe this sounds stupid sorry.

[Kennaugh8]

Thanks for replying Shell! I am really sorry to hear about your brother's diagnosis. Have you been able to spend much time with him recently? How often do you speak with your son and daughter? Is it possible to reach out to them at all? When you are having all these negative thoughts,  you are already feeling lonely and when you live by yourself, these thoughts are only compounded. If you can spend some time with them, it may help ease this feeling of loneliness. 

Once you stopped working nights, did the problem with the person causing damage to your house stop? Were the police involved with these incidents? 
I have also had a torn rotator cuff so I can understand your pain with this one. I'm unsure of the severity of your injury but you can find some really good rehab programs on the internet for rotator cuff repairs that don't require lots of expensive equipment. 

Is there anyway you can keep the dogs inside during the day whilst you are at work to stop the barking?

With regard to the person you were seeing, what they did/said is strictly a reflection on them as a person and not you. Please don't think that you were the problem or did anything wrong! 

I know that you are feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything that has happened to you this year but quite a few of these events are random and could have happened to anyone at any time. If you look at them all in isolation: the car crash was out of your control, the burst pipe was out of your control, the rotator cuff was out of your control and what the person said to you was out of your control. It can be hard to do but letting go of things like this that you can't control can help ease your mind a lot. 

Whether you know it or not, you have been so strong in dealing with all of these setbacks. You have been faced with many difficulties and you have managed them as best you can which will only make you stronger as a person. In the future, you will be able to draw strength from this hard period knowing that you are strong and that you can get through anything. 

Stay strong, Shell, you have the power to overcome all of this. 

Chris

[Neil_1]

Hi there Shell (or Michelle, I assume Shell is what you prefer)  🙂

It sure has been one hell of a year for you and with all that’s happened, it’s just piled one awful thing on top of another.

Also it doesn’t sound like you’ve got too much support close by, but as you’ve said, you’ve got a son and daughter and though they’re not at home, I’m wondering how close they are?   Perhaps possibility for visits or if they’re further away, phone chats or possible visits by them to see you for a while?

The person hanging around your home sounded awful especially with all that they were doing to your house and as Chris mentioned, I hope that the police were involved and somehow tracked this low life down.  No-one should have to experience something like that.

Shell, I just chipped in with the above and added that, cause I really couldn’t write much more as Chris has responded to you with an awesome post.  I’m hoping that Chris’s response has helped you with great advice and suggestions.

I do hope that you can reply back again – it’d be great to hear from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Mares73]

Hi Michelle. I'm glad you've had some great replies & support from the wonderful people here on Beyond Blue. Also it took courage to reach out so thank you for trusting us with your story. Life sure sounds tough right now. A few questions if I may-just to clarify things. This person or persons  who have been creating so much trouble for you-do you know who they are? Have you thought of reporting it to the police? Re your grown up kids-are you close to them? Do you have regular contact? And your brother you've only recently reconnected with-how are you feeling about that relationship & his illness? I'm so sorry you've also endured a breakup from someone who was not willing to try & understand you fully as a person-depression is an illness not a character flaw. It sounds with all that's happened you have reached your quota. Anyone would be anxious, vulnerable, down & upset by what you've endured let alone your struggle with depression as well. On this site is a list of Gps very familiar with treating depression. I would recommend that you find one near you & go & discuss how your feeling & what's been happening. You may have already done this? Just c thought I'd mention it as another for of support. Please stay in contact as I & many others care very much & want to support you as best we can. Thinking of you X Mares

[Shell]

Hi all thanks for your replies, I think you are all very kind and lovely people.

Im thinking I know who was doing the damage and complaining but cant prove it new neighbours. Ive lived in this house for 15 years and never had any trouble till they moved in I did ring the police when the front door got kicked in but they don't really do much just give you an event number. This neighbour did also tell me once to shut my dogs up even though they don't bark anymore than anyone elses and no one else has ever complained.

Work told me I have to have some time off because Ive got too much leave built up so am having a few weeks off in august will go down to Sydney to see my daughter and also my brother lives down that way he has had treatment and now its a waiting game. The car will cost more to fix than what its worth so can use this time to find another.

I have decided next year I will get a plan to see a psychologist I have so many things from my childhood that am pretty sure have affected me till now Iike being abandoned as a child amongst other things, I am 47 now this will be hard but I know I need to do it.