Tired of my husband

[Noidea1234]

I am 27 years old, just had a baby now 9 weeks postnatal. Husband want sex and i dont feel interested. So now since im not working im still a student will work part time when ill resume studies, he said he pays rent and feed me and im giving him nothing.

His yelling at me while i was breatfeeding wanting his ring back. I feel tired, depress im gaving headache. I dont know what to do with life anymore.

I need to know if im in fault. He said his going to cheat.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Noidea;

No, it's not your fault ok. Just try to release yourself from blame; it's his burden, not yours. Your baby and yourself are number one which needs to be respected. Not just by you, but by your husband as well. Your body is a temple...

I once watched a female comedian who suggested her husband have his legs waxed while she was giving birth. The audience laughed out loud, then she explained it wasn't so much about him understanding the pain she was going thru, it was more about the sacrifice woman make; we bare the pain so 'life' can continue. This should be respected in all cultures.

Your man sounds selfish and intolerant. Ask him to talk with his grandmother about this issue. I'm sure she'll give him some home truths. He should talk with your grandfather too. If he baulks at this it means he's feeling guilty and rightly so. New mum's have a difficult path to travel. Their biggest supporters should be their husbands.

Your situation sounds like a horrible pressure cooker. How is this affecting your sense of self?

Please take care and find someone respectful to talk with. Maybe a nurse at your local baby clinic. Please write back ok. We're here for you and your baby.

Much respect and admiration for your sacrifice and courage...

Sez

[geoff]

Hello Noidea, please let me give you a warm welcome.

By no means are you are at fault, he has no right to demand it because I know what PND feels like, my wife had it after our second child and I also developed it.

You've just had a baby so there's an enormous change going on within yourself, something your husband doesn't feel or even know about, plus you need time to adjust to the new addition and that will take a little while.

He has no respect for you or the baby and to threaten you by cheating just shows how much he doesn't want to look after you and the baby.

I am all behind you, so please look after yourself and the new addition, they are priceless.

My Kindest regards.

Geoff.

[Unbeliever]

Ugh... I've only heard of your husband in the last 30 seconds and I'm already "tired of him".

"Giving him nothing"?... I guess a child and future continuation of his genetic bloodline somehow doesn't count. Men like this is why I feel embarrassed to be a member of the male gender.

Firstly, no. You are not "at fault". You are 9 weeks into the full understanding that you have far greater priorities in your life than appeasing his whining weiner.

That he has already resorted to threats of infidelity and dissolution of his wedding vows so soon into fatherhood just emphasises how little he understands about what has happened and his true role in your lives (by which I mean all 3 of you).

The words "unenlightened", "self-centred" and "disrespectful" don't seem adequate enough to describe to behaviour of this (so called) man.

If his attitude and behaviour continues in this way and as a result your relationship does fail... I have no reservations in telling you that you and your baby will be far better off without him. Men who maintain such attitudes lose the right to be husbands and fathers.

I apologise if I am coming across as a bit harsh. But your description of him really hit a nerve. I find people with these attitudes uttlerly abhorrent.

You are not doing anything wrong, and if he can't understand that then he doesn't deserve either of you.

[Just Sara]

Hey UB;

What a ripper of a post!! An outstanding representation of functional male perspective UB. 'Noidea' hasn't been back since she first posted a couple of weeks ago, but I'm sure others reading will be well informed by your words. Thankyou...

Sez