The struggle is real

[FreedomCat]

• Been struggling with depression for over 10 years
• It was worsened last year with the passing of my sister. Now my family are all fake and drive me insane.
• I quit my stable job because other lazy people weren’t pulling their weight and I was doing more
• I’ve started a new job that sounded promising but it turns out it’s just a total slog (physically intense, no opportunity to use my knowledge and experience in the field which I thought I could)
• More often than not I would just rather be dead. Suicide isn’t an option because that would be slack to my fiance
• Im a poor partner in my relationship because I’m often angry, upset, numb, accusing or jealous. We have been together for almost ten years but now there is no intimacy.
• Nothing seems to go right, can’t be happy. Just don’t know what to do anymore
• Have organised a free counselling session/meeting with Beyond Blues assistance program but only available dates are during work. Also organised a mental health plan with my GP to arrange free counselling but I haven’t heard from them.
• I just don’t know what to do anymore. I give up.

[White_Rose]

Dear FreedomCat

Welcome to the forum.It's good you have found your way here. I am sorry you are having such a struggle with your mental health at the moment. Poor mental health can affect all areas of your life and make you feel life is not worth living at times. It's good to know you are not thinking of ending your life.

You have taken some useful steps to help you get well again. Talking with beyondblue is a good idea as is writing in to this forum. Getting a mental health plan can also be of great benefit. I see you are waiting for the psychologist to contact you. Once the plan has been approved by Medicare it is usual for you to contact the psychologist for your first appointment. I'm not certain they would know you had a mental health plan in place with them.

If your GP has told you the plan has been approved then you need to contact the practitioner for your first appointment. Tell them you have a MHP in place. Also check on the fees as not all psychology practices charge the bulk billing fee.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your sister. It must be hard for you to manage this loss. My sister died 15 years ago and I still miss her.

You sound like someone who works hard in your job and feels very disappointed you appeared to do more work than others. And of course your new job is also a disappointment. I can see this is causing you to feel unhappy and unappreciated. What are the chances of getting another job where you feel more comfortable?

Unfortunately, when our mental health goes down it does make us far more prone to getting angry etc. I think the brain switches into survival mode leaving us constantly on the alert for danger. This takes a great deal of energy to keep up so it's not surprising you are exhausted in your new job. Mental and physical health are always interacting so when one part becomes unwell it affects the other part.

I see you have been depressed for ten years. Have you ever received any treatment or is seeing a psychologist via a MHP the first time? Please contact the psychologist you have been referred to to make an appointment. I wonder if your GP has prescribed any medication. Psychologists are not qualified to prescribe meds. How do you feel about taking medication?

Please do not give up. You have made some huge steps though it probably does not appear that way. It's a start. I hope you will continue to post here.

Mary

[MyLadyGirl]

Hello FreedomCat

I am glad that you are getting help from Beyond Blue and GP for your assistant and help. Maybe you should just call them and remind them. Maybe they have lots of things that the intend to forget as well.

I am so sorry for your departure of your sister. I know it maybe hard for you as I assume you were close to each other. If you want we can talk about her as it may relieve you sadness.

I know it's not easy to loose a person and more over jobs has become a peculiar. It's always the case that what we want and expected will never be the same. As to move on we need to know what is the cause for that. I understand you are feeling insecure with the work that you were promised and the lost of your sister.

I to have the same feeling as you. After loosing my dad, I felt that the whole world has fallen on me. Nothing I do seems to make me happy. I wanted to go with him as he has been there for me. Loosing a job and starting all over again in a foreign country had made me more angry, hatred and shallow. I used to blame everyone for what I am. I started to destroy a wonderful 6 years of a relationship. I started to see the world at it's cause. But it is not. It was me that has been doing it. So I started to do something that I like. Gardening. I started to realise that we get frustrated when the plant we grow does not bloom to what we expected. I get mentality disturbed. But I am not going to be disturbed. I still try to overcome it. It's hard and I know but you can try.

You can talk to me about your day or when the depression developing in you, quickly send it to the forum and someone sure will response and you may feel better..

[FreedomCat]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I did read your responses when you sent them but wasn’t in a good mind state to reply.

I have been seeing a life coach through Beyond Blue’s NewAccess program. It has been very helpful.

I have been dealing with worrying and depression easier. However now my problem is different again.

Ive now cheated on my partner after 9 years of being together. I told him straight away but also said I was regretful and still wanted to be with him. I didn’t sleep with this other person but cheating is cheating in its many aspects.
I am starting to realise though, this happened because my needs haven’t been getting met emotionally or physically for some time. Therefore I found it somewhere else and let my morals go after some drinks.
I’ve been given an ultimatum of 7 days to prove my love to my long term partner.

Trouble is I can’t pretend being happy around him or to adore him anymore. While I love him and care for him and still think he’s cool, we’ve drifted apart. We have financial debt and animals (hobby farm) together and so I don’t know how to sort that stuff out. When I suggested space he told me I am running from my responsibilities.

I don’t feel very loved or that he is attracted to me. We hadn’t had sex all year until just recently when I mustve turned off private browsing and I think he saw my history about what do you do in a relationship where you don’t have sex anymore. Yeah awkward. After the sex he apologised that we don’t do it often anymore. I’ve been depressed and mustn’t have been sexually attractive. I have been standoffish and feel like I am emotional abuser.

He has always been the ‘leader‘ in our relationship as he is older, smart and supported me financially when I finished school. He is close with my family and he adores my niece. I feel slack.

Just not sure where to go from here..

[White_Rose]

Hello FreedomCat

I noticed in your last post that you have taken all the blame for the breakdown of your relationship. Do you think this is right? It seems you are grateful to your partner for being with you and supporting you financially when you left school. I am concerned that he appears to be a controlling person. You say you feel unloved which is quite natural when your partner takes little or no notice of you.

He tells you what to do and makes you feel bad when you are overwhelmed with events. Is the indiscretion because of the lack of support from him. You say he is the leader because he is older, smarter and supported you. This is not the way a successful relationship works. It's time you had more input into the relationship. How are you supposed to prove your love to your partner in any time frame? What does he expect? It is really bullying.

If he can be close to your family why can he not be close to you. How old is your niece? I take it she is a baby and we all love babies.

There is no reason why you should feel slack. You are committing yourself to this relationship and contributing to your joint venture. Does he do as much work on this as you?

I see you are working with Beyond Blue's New Access program. How is it going? Do you talk about it with your partner? Perhaps you can run your scenario past your life coach for a second opinion. I also recommend you see your GP and ask for a Mental Health Plan which allows you to see a psychologist. No need to discuss this with your partner until it has been set up.

Freedom, I am concerned that you are far from a being an emotional abuser and in fact you are being emotionally abused. It sounds as though you have drifted apart, which happens, and not sure how to manage the parting. I see no reason why should have become sexually unattractive or that you have become stand offish. It can be as simple as the relationship is no longer working. Not because of anything you have done or not done but because these things happen. I think it may be very helpful for you to discuss this with your GP and also a psychologist when your mental health plan is approved.

Meanwhile please switch back to private browsing. In any event it is rude of him to access your private files.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[MyLadyGirl]

Hello Freedom Cat,

I am glad that you came back to express your feeling but in a different situation and circumstances.

Firstly, I am happy that you are in the Beyond Blue Program. I do hope it's giving you the support that you need.

To go from where you are I guess you have actually know where to go. You need to see what brings your happiness and not others. If you are not happy and feel that there is a lacking of spark, then it's time to move on. I have been in my relationship for 10 years but due to circumstances of loving each other we decided to move along and it was good as along the way I learned what I wanted.

You holding on to this relationship is probably of appreciating what he has done to you for all this time. You appreciate what he has done to you and because of that you do not want to let him go as you may feel that your ungrateful. He controling you would probably as other men. They like to lead. Some men feel that because they support you they need to lead which I think it is wrong and not equal partner of a relationship.

Not having sexuality could be because the sparks and love is not there anymore. He reading that you not having sex and doing it is probably as he feel guilty and started to do it which I feel it's wrong. He is only doing it for the purpose of you writing at the website. Nothing else.

I agree to Mary that you need to keep your private life of unhappiness to yourself and not he wanting to know what's going on and doing it just to please you and don't want him to be the bad person.

Hope your energy is lifted up and would be glad to hear from you..