amamas
I identify my 'Psycho B**ch as a female because the person I am when I'm 'having a moment' to the person I am when I'm well are female. Bats**t Crazy me, and well me are both female! A bit like Jekyl & Hyde I guess is the best way to describe how I view my 'moments'
The most important rule I assert to myself is to accept that there are things about myself that I don't like. Not in the sense that 'I wish my hair was longer' that sort of thing. But in the sense that the 'Psycho B**ch is indeed very real, and that as much as I wish she could be banished for good, I'm learning that she can't. And I'm learning day by day not to be so hard on myself when she makes an appearance. That's tough, because I view myself as a kind, gentle, good natured person. And the Psycho B**ch, well she's not! Just yesterday that B**ch had my 6yr old Son in tears 😞
Rule Number 2 for me is to keep a diary. Not every day. And not like a 'Dear diary, there's this boy in my class, he's soooo cute' kind of diary. But I write, a lot. And some of my best stuff comes from when I'm 'having a moment' So when I'm not quite firing right, and I know I'm not, I write it all down. And this way I'm able to recognise easier, and quicker, when I'm not doing so well. The diary of my 'moments' serves as like an early warning system to me and everyone around me that I'm struggling a bit. Because when I've read it, or added to it, I can tell people. Or even show people what I've written. It allows me to step back, acknowledge that the Psycho B**ch is looming, and that way it doesn't give her a chance to sneak up and attack like she has in the past.
Ultimately I guess I live with the knowledge that I have been quite unwell in the past. I've said and done things I can never take back. Things that have impacted not only my life indefinitely, but the lives of lots of other people too. So Rule number 3 for me is to be kind to people, and to myself. I don't think that being kind to people now makes up for when I wasn't so kind. But what it does do, is helps me to look at the bigger picture and not see all negative. When I'm 'having a moment' I'm able to go 'hey, this is not always me' and take ownership of the fact that I'm unwell at that point in time. Rather than dismiss what I'm doing, or how I'm acting.
She's here, and she's probably here to stay. But the Psycho B**ch doesn't own me. I can't always control her. But when she makes an appearance I give it my damn best shot to keep her from doing too much damage like she has in the past.
