The cycle starts again

[Setsail001]

Hi all I’m so glad I found this place. Already reading through other’s comments and posts I feel not so alone. I hope it makes others feel this way too.

ive struggled with depression and anxiety for over 10 yearsnow and it is a cycle. Once I think I’m through it, it starts again. Today is one of those days I can’t get out of bed which makes me feel guilty and pathetic (not saying that anyone here who can’t get out of bed are those things) and like I’ve taken a step or three backwards. I just can’t see a happy future for myself and feel like it is always going to come back. I have a full time job, a good partner though I’ve been questioning whether it feels right being with him anymore (don’t know if that’s the depression talking) and see a psych once a month or so. I’m a bit hopeless at the moment.. any support or advice would be great, thank you

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Setsail001,

Hello to you...I’m glad you found this place too and I hope you’re settling in okay 🙂

10 years is a long time. You’ve clearly been through a lot over the years.

It sounds like you’re off to a rough start today. I can definitely relate to your struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes I just want to “hide”, and that’s when my bed appeals (a lot) to me...

The cycles must be so exhausting and make you doubt yourself; they must take their toll on you. I get that there is this huge fear (understandably) that you won’t ever fully “break” the cycle. To your credit though, you’ve identified that there is a certain pattern, which shows wonderful self awareness.

I feel struggling to get out of bed doesn’t mean you’re going “backwards.” But perhaps it simply means you’re struggling and you’re hurting, and that you just need to reach out for support, which you have done here. So well done.

I wonder if you have spoken to a GP or mental health professional about how you’re feeling (plus the cycles). I don’t know if you’ve already done this but just in case you haven’t, your GP is generally a good starting point.

Plus of course, you can continue reading and writing here on the forums too. You’re most welcome to do that 🙂 I hope we hear from you again if you feel like writing and sharing.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Ggrand]

Hello Setsail001,

Welcome here to the forum. There are people here who have felt the same and can understand. There is also people here that are kind, caring and non judgmental,are want to help you through their insight..

I can relate so much to not being able to get out of bed...Somedays it's just so hard, but I try my best, I get up make my bed, and try my best to do the best I can for the day..there was a time not long ago that I spent weeks in bed.

Setsail, I tried to fix myself and only got worse, I finally made an appointment with my gp and told her of my depression and sadness, my gp then gave me a referral to a psychologist, then we set up a Mental Health Care Plan, and see her once a month, sometimes twice a month..and I am starting to heal. Please Setsail, can you consider seeing a Dr, ?

Setsail, it's more likely your depression questioning yourself, try if you can think back before your depression started and how you felt then about different things, depression just doesn't like us to be happy.

Just curious, have you told your partner about how your feeling, maybe he can help you, even go to the gp with you..I think it helps if you can speak to him.

Please post here anytime, this is your space to speak and let us know how your going and if we help, we will try and point you in the right direction..I also hope to hear from you again..So I know how your doing..

Warm and kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Birdy77]

Hello Setsail,

I am joining Pepper and Grandy to say it's awesome that you've found your way here.

Many of us here know that feeling you have today. Doona day! Try to be gentle with yourself , sometimes it's what we need, to recuperate and try again tomorrow. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Hope you enjoy finding your way around the forums and feel free to join in on discussions that interest you.

It's really good to hear that you already have the support of a psychologist once a month. Do you feel that the therapeutic relationship is working out for you?

You said you seem to have thos cycle ... a lot of us here can relate to that too. There is a thread here called "Depression: fight it or embrace it?" where we discuss how we're moving forward with our depression, do we try to fight it, or do we accept it as part of us and embrace it ... it might interest you.

So great to have you here Setsail 🌞

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Hi Setsail001,

Like others have mentioned, many of us here can relate to how you are feeling.

Mental health issues can be confusing and draining. I find that when I try to fight he depression I make it worse. My psychologist has told me to try to accept it, find something meaningful to do and set small achievable goals.

Depression can distort our thinking. Our mind does not always tell us the truth, it likes to fabricate stories and creates negativity when we are in a low mood. It is so easy to just cruise along with those unhelpful thoughts and not find a way to change them.

On the weekend I was ready to leave my husband due to a misunderstanding compounded by my depression. My mind was telling me all sorts of rubbish!

Do you have hobbies and interests that you enjoy doing?

Can you plan to do something totally different with your partner this weekend? Variety and doing things that are new and different can help with depression also.

All the best, Cheers from Dools

[Setsail001]

Hello Pepper, Birdy, Grandy and Dools

Thank you all so much for your responses. You all helped me get out of bed and make my appointment with the GP later this afternoon so I could get an updated Mental Health Plan in place and see my psych next week again. Sometimes it is hard in the depths of depression to be able to think back on those coping mechanisms provided during psychology and use them - has anyone found this difficult/have any strategies in place to deal with it?

Pepper - I definitely agree with the thought of wanting to 'hide' in bed. It is a safe place when the world seems too much. I hope you are doing ok too. Your post made me feel less alone this morning so thank you.

Grandy - I do talk to my partner a lot, he is very caring though sometimes I don't think he really understands the depression. Sometimes he tells me just to smile and continues to ask what's wrong and I try to explain to him that it isn't that easy to smile and explain but it can be frustrating and make me feel worse. His heart is in the right place though. Thank you for your suggestion, he ended up driving me to the gp which I think made him feel like he was helping which he definitely was.

Birdy - I will have a look at that thread, it is something that comes to mind often for me. The relationship I have with my psych is great, though sometimes hard to get in to see her because she is so busy. Thanks for your kind thoughts and telling me to not be hard on myself- I really needed that.

Dools - I think I may need some more hobbies - I like reading and being with my cat, sometimes hanging out with friends if I can muster the energy. Do you have any hobbies that you think have helped you? Thanks for sharing about your misunderstanding with your husband, that has helped to normalise it for me.

[Birdy77]

Hey Setsail 🌞 (hi to all lovelies here)

It is so good that you were able to muster the courage and energy to leave your cosy bed and get to your gp yesterday, it will be great to see your psychologist next week.

Hanging out with your cat and reading are lovely things to do. You asked about hobbies that might help, i find gardening really helpful, i think because it's very "grounding", like it's very tactile, hands in the earth, connecting with nature's energy, engages touch/sight/smell/hearing, is a creative outlet, that kind of thing. Another huge love for me is pottery, and I think this is for similar reasons.

I am just re-teaching myself crocheting again and I like this because it's something I have to concentrate on & I can see progress in front if my eyes.

Just a couple of ideas.

Have you had a better day today?

🌻birdy