Hello Vc21, please let me give you a warm welcome.
It's so sad that your r/ship with your mum has deteriorated especially when the two of you were once close.
Pretending is only going to make you not want to talk about your situation, it's just delaying the fact that you may only go deeper into a spiral of depression, that's what we don't want to happen.
By talking with someone who knows how you are feeling isn't drawing attention, it's discussing the problems that are affecting you and can come from a fear of not knowing what to do or say.
It may seem to be overly intrusive because it may poke and nag you, when you wish you could only hide, and to be left alone, but don't worry because it can be normal to hate attention, no different than someone who is top of the class and who is always being complimented by everyone.
Is it possible for you to write down how you are feeling and when you feel as though it's time for you to talk with someone then pass this document over to whom it may concern.
Being at school could mean that there will be someone who wants to love you, that's what you need a partner you can connect to, where a conversation becomes a daily and very much a natural happening.
You may want to talk but because of your mum not wanting to listen to you has changed how you are thinking, but I'm so pleased that you have contacted us, and can I just say that you are not alone, there are many other people who have been down this road and now are helping out others.
My best wishes.
Geoff.
