The cost of getting help is making me more depressed...

[Jessksch]

Thankfully I have savings, but now I had to see my GP who said I have to go back to my psychiatrist to talk about meds AND see my psychologist weekly. I was losing it before and I dunno, I just can't care anymore about my savings, just waiting for them to be completely depleted as I "get healthy" again.

For years I have been fine on medication but now as the world is getting so expensive, me having no career or having to work so much instead of enjoying life is draining me...

I saw my psychologist on Wednesday and now just tempted to say I want to see how new meds on top of my old ones are going to affect me before seeing her again since it's all so expensive!

In the end I know my partner would be fine with supporting me, but what if I didn't have him? I would never be able to cope with all of this and the cost too! I

[therising]

Hi Jessksch

It definitely feels unfair, the fact that the investment in greater mental health can be such an expensive financial investment at times. I think if we had a crystal ball and were able to see into the future exactly how it all pays off, it would still feel financially stressful, but we'd be able to say 'All the money's worth it. It's money well spent'.

Having taken the whole of 2023 off and the first few months of this year, I look at it as an investment in my mental health. While My husband continued to work full time, the $40,000 I would have made from my part time job became a sacrifice that paid off. With so much on my plate toward the end of 2022, including a number of challenges on top going out to work, I just couldn't manage it all any more. While depression was nothing new to me, anxiety and depression as a combo meant the challenge was on to make much needed changes. I couldn't have made those changes without my husband's support (especially financial).

I suppose the question becomes 'What is a good investment?'. For example, is a good financial investment one that's made when employing an average psychologist, compared with a really effective one? Is a good investment one that's time based, such as with taking the time to research a variety of new mental health strategies or taking time off work to recover from stress? I've found there are so many different types of investments when it comes to mental health. Sometimes going a little outside the square can be a good investment too, one that occasionally pays off. The ultimate question comes down to 'Am I worth the money, the time and the effort?'. The answer has got to be 'Absolutely, 100%!'.

[Jessksch]

Yeah I don't know how I feel about it all, using money when everyone else seems so fine and can save up for things.

Worse thing is, I started the new meds last night and now I've been feeling prickly like a cactus all day as well as depressed. Almost ever little thing that went wrong, like I dropped a piece of clothing while doing the washing, and I had to hold back tears.

Not to mention I have work tomorrow after taking a week of and I am so done and exhausted, my partner is now suffering too and I'm trying hard not to let it out on him and keep away from him while I'm like this.

[therising]

Hi Jessksch

With depression, I think it can feel like a bit of a catch 22 in some cases. Kinda like it feels as though you can't win. My years in long term depression very much felt this way. I could go out to 'have fun' but the fact that I couldn't feel myself having fun felt depressing. This is one of the things that led me to become a drinker back in the day. The search for the best med resembled the search for the Holy Grail. In the meantime, I was stuck in what felt like a never ending trial and error process, which felt depressing. The list goes on when it comes to what can be depressing about depression. I get where you're coming from, how it can feel depressing to watch others have the freedom to spend their money the way they do, while you put your money into mental health strategies.

While I'm more a soulful kinda gal, I do acknowledge the unromantic version of who we are. In part, we're a big bag of chemistry and chemical reactions. Definitely the unromantic version. The search for the best med and dosage is a bit of a 'mad scientist' thing. Adding to your own chemistry, in the hope of getting the right reaction, can involve a bit of this and a bit of that, then scrapping the experiment (med) and going onto the next one. Bit of the chemistry in this med. Hang on a second, add a higher amount, up the dosage. Nope. Back to the drawing board. How about this one. On and on it goes, looking for the right reaction, the perfect amount of the right kind of chemistry condensed into a pill or tablet. With the search for the right antidepressant, it's more a 'Sad scientist' rather than a 'Mad scientist'. The chemical reactions (side effects) can be intense in some cases.

I think living with someone is an experiment in itself. Through my years in long term depression, I often asked myself 'What's wrong with me? My husband's so easygoing. Everyone loves him. Why does he trigger me?' Again, 'What's wrong with me?'. I thought this way for years until coming out of long term depression. Episodes in depression also mean episodes out of depression. It was within the periods out of depression where I gained clarity, when it came to a lot of my triggers in my relationship. The biggest was disappointment (in various forms). Btw, not saying I'm not triggering or disappointing. I'm no angel 😁👼. Perhaps the biggest revelation within my marriage began with the words 'What is it in my nature to be like?' or 'Who am I?'. Being a thought provoking question, the big reveal: 'I have largely changed my nature to suit him'. I'd lost myself in a lot of ways. Can happen in little ways that aren't always obvious. For example, if I say 'I am naturally someone who openly speaks about emotions in order to make sense of them, yet he is not the kind of person who likes to face challenging emotions, especially potentially depressing ones', the outcome means I must face feelings alone. Tick the box for depressing. I can't help but wonder who you naturally are. 'Who am I, naturally?' is a question that can open a bit of a Pandora's box.😊

[HappySheep]

Hi Jessksch, Yep. It's a bit of a bind, isn't it?

I'm in a similar position to you in that I've had to quit my well-paying job in order to recover my mental health and I'm having my last medicare subsidised psychologist visit tomorrow. I need to find work but my psych's advice is to get a low stress (low paying) job until your health improves. Great, but I'm the main breadwinner in my household.

As stressful as it is to feel yourself going through your savings, I keep remembering how awful I felt when I was right in the deep blackness of my current 'episode' and think to myself - I would pay anything not to feel like that again.  I'm not 'fixed' or 'cured' and I know I never will be, but if the meds and shrinks keep from falling into that really horrible place for a while, it's worth every cent.  I'm 100% sure your partner and friends would agree.