Telling Parents about Depression

[Fuduu]

Lately I have been feeling really depressed about life and feeling worthless, and I did aa Depression Test on beyond blue and it said "Very High" for the score. I sort of want to tell my parents about it but they would think I am joking because i am normally happy and talkative but i just put that on, so I dont know how to tell them without them thinking its a joke or scoffing. Any ideas?

[Guest_4643]

hi fuduu, welcome.

i'm sorry to hear about this, and whilst i'm not dismissing your comments or thoughts, please remember that online depression tests such as K-10 tests are indications, not diagnosis tools. you would have to go to a professional such as a GP or Psychiatrist to get diagnosed, I'm not sure if Psychologists can make diagnoseses, but they can help you.

i guess i would just be honest with them, say you've been struggling, your symptoms, if there's anything that bought this on, stuff like that.

do you have a professional you could see? of course we can try and help you the best we can here, but i just wanted to remind you that the tests aren't a diagnosis tool, since lots of people think it is and self diagnose themselves.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Fuduu,

Welcome to the forums, it's great that you have found this community. It can be very difficult talking to parents about being depressed, particularly when they see this side of you that is talkative, happy and joking. Not all signs of depression are obvious to all people. 

We're wondering if you have a school counsellor that you can confide in before you speak to your parents. After speaking to the counsellor do you think you would be comfortable talking to your parents with the school counsellor’s support during this discussion? If you are not comfortable with a school counsellor would be more comfortable having this conversation with your family doctor and having your parents present while speaking to your doctor?

f you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. They can help you with anything that you would like to speak about and they might also provide some suggestions about how to bring up the topic with your parents. 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone here! The community is here to support you and walk through this journey with you.

[mocha delight]

I wish I could give you some advice on this as before I made a appointment to talk to my gp about my issues I told my mum but she completely ignored what I said and then I told someone else in the family and that went the complete opposite of how I was hoping it would ie it went completely wrong. Oh and I was feeling completely like how you are to at the time.

[smallwolf]

Hi. I would follow the advice of Sophie_m and the only reason I say that is not knowing what the reaction might be.

I did the same thing as you regarding the K10 test. I went to my GP next. I guess I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew what was happening to me.

If you have the opportunity to speak with someone like a counselor they will be able to chat with you and help you work out a way forward.

If not a counselor then perhaps a teacher you feel comfortable with?

I believe you in what you are saying and things are stressful for you at the moment.

[quirkywords]

Fuduu

welcome to the forum and thanks for writing the first post.

it is hard t Ellington others how you feel. Sophie has helpful suggestions. School counsellor is a good place to start .

[Fuduu]

Thanks for the reply Sophie, but I don’t really feel comfortable telling anyone about it except my friends, and I contact my doctor without asking my parents and I am also an introvert so I don’t like speaking about my own problems face to face

[tranzcrybe]

Much depends on your current relationship with your parents. Do you ever discuss feelings (on both sides) to help resolve issues? ie, if you argue, can you all come to a resolution and acknowledge each other's pain, confusion, or anger? Are you seen as an independent and free thinker with something to contribute? Then I would say go for it.
Sometimes, however, we can find ourselves living the illusion our parents perceive (smiling when not really wanting to, keeping silent when we should be speaking up, hiding things we get wrong) and this places an emotional barrier between effective communication as it is so far removed from the false reality that exists. Parents can be equally culpable with how they present themselves to their children (high achievers, dominating behaviours, and vicarious (unrealistic) expectations).
So it's difficult to suggest what to do in your case. Remember above all that your parents love you and although they may respond inappropriately at first, it is up to you to make your case.
If you go ahead, choose your moment wisely - find a segue to branch off into your own feelings (perhaps some famous comedian who suffered depression, for instance) and try to sense when to back off and try again later. Do some preparation for the inevitable "Don't be ridiculous" and "What do you mean? You are always so..." responses - make some notes if necessary to ensure that you can adequately address those questions to support your current predicament. Once they see you are genuine, they should kick into action on your behalf. Also try to understand that you have been dealing with your feelings for a while and your parents may need time to process the information.