Struggling with life and motivation

[FallenFreaK]

First time posting. I have depression and anxiety. I am studying nursing at tafe. I live with my real dad who isn’t able to work atm due to rain. But any money he gets he seems to spend on smokes and random things. I have put in place a budget which isn’t working. I have to buy groceries, care for 5 animals, clean, wash clothes, do stuff for tafe, etc. I don’t take my meds regularly because I forgot or I’m busy. I see a psychology’s every few weeks which isn’t enough but I can’t affoes anymore. I can’t get anywhere unless my dad drives me because I only have my learners. No one is able to give me lessons so I can get my hours up and I don’t have the time. I have my bf and my grandfather. But that’s about it. My bf is great but is also studying but at uni doing law. And he has his own family to deal with. The only friends I have are the ones at tafe. I don’t have much support, money or food atm. I can’t just pause anything or work. I dunno what to do.

[Livinia09]

Hi there FallenFreaK,

I see so many amazing things in your post. You have so much going on in your life, and on top of it all you still manage to study. And your choice of career is a demanding one. I can tell by your situation and your field of study that you're a very giving person. I often think the only 'drawback' of a giving person is that they put so many other people first they have nothing left for themselves.

I am not sure if you have tried this; and I'm not certain what kind of assistance you could get. But have you called Centrelink and had a discussion with someone there? That may solve or assist in the monetary aspect of your situation. You may qualify for some benefits or assistance, particularly due to your studies.

Have you also had a discussion with your dad about how you're feeling? I know it's a hard conversation to have, especially with the ones you feel you're responsible for. But from that persons perspective, they may not realise the gravity of the situation and that discussion may help him too.

I often forget to take my anti-depressants for the same reason, I get busy/don't have time. I don't want to lecture - but try if you can to make those a priority. Set your phone, write yourself post-it notes, stick them on your mirror.

My advice would be to pick one area to focus on getting sorted, then move on to the next. Sometimes when you look at things as a whole, so globally, it becomes this insurmountable task that just feels like it will never be ok. Can you reduce your study load at all?

I think it's great and a very important step that you reached out to this forum. I found this when I was getting back on my feet after some very hard times that I thought I was never going to survive. Checking in, however infrequent, I found was really helpful. Sometimes it helps just to get your struggles out and talk about them, so you can focus on moving forward towards a working solution.

I hope at least some of this has been of some help. It's important to know that you're not alone. There is an abundance of experience and support on here. I hope that you continue to check-in and monitor this post and others. For what it's worth, I think from what you've listed you have a bright future ahead of you.

Liv x

[FallenFreaK]

I tried replying before don’t know if it went through. I’ll just sum up what I said before.

I have talked to my dad. He has his own issues which I help him with and he is getting help by psycolohists and such. We talk about stuff and he agrees but then later it goes out the door. And then I get upset or break down and then he says sorry and does what I ask whether it be not feeding my cat milk because it makes him sick and then he does it anyways and the cat vomits. Only after stuff happens does he relise the gravity of stuff.

I would have to ask tafe about work load.

The problem with Centrelink is they are not very helpful. I don’t know what I am entitled too. I tried a social worker and they were not good either. It’s anxiety to get down there. It’s time and transport. And I don’t have any support to go down there e.g. someone who knows about it better than I e.g. mother, Aunty etc

thanks you were helpful

[Livinia09]

It's a lot to take on the task of helping someone else with their struggles whilst dealing with their own.

I've studied a lot in my time - 4 certificates, 3 diplomas, and a degree all up. What I've learned throughout it all, something I wish someone had told me, is sometimes it's important to take a break from it. It's not quitting, not at all, if recognising that life is taking priority and your studies need to pause for a bit, then it's important. Perhaps start with TAFE. You could also ask them about how to attain financial support, too. From what you've described you're essentially supporting another person - a dependant. Depending on your age you may be entitled to youth allowance (24 or younger) or austudy (25 or older) on account of your studies, even though you live at home, if you're providing the majority of financial support they will take that into consideration. Or you could be classed as independent if you're living at home, but not supported financially by your parent/guardian.

I've used this in the past to get an idea of entitlements (list of benefits):

https://www.humanservices.gov.au/individuals/subjects/payments-students-and-trainees

online estimator:

https://www.centrelink.gov.au/custsite_pfe/pymtfinderest/paymentFinderEstimatorPage.jsf?wec-appid=pymtfinderest&wec-locale=en_US#stay

There is an online estimator you can go through, bit tedious, but it will give you an overview and it provides further information on other services available. The website is less frustrating than talking to them over the phone. Not to diminish the work they do, but it's not exactly easy getting information from them, I know.

You may not be entitled to much, but every little bit helps.

Liv x

[Croix]

Dear Shaila~

I'm answering a post you made elsewhere . You are having a very difficult time at the moment and I'm not realy surprised in some ways. I tend to feel everything on top of me crowding in when there is too much pressure, and like you my sleep goes out the window too. Your life sounds pretty horrible, it can get better though, it has for me and I was a right mess..

You do have an awful lot of pressure on you now, and if you add deadlines for assignments then it can become impossible. You study, look after your dad (rather than the other way around) and see to all the household jobs plus try to make a budget, which seems to be sabotaged from what you say.

I guess there are some good things. You are sensible and perceptive. You have a plan for a career that I suspect will suit you, and you have two people, your boyfriend and your grandfather, who are bright spots in your life.

Also of course you are getting some medical support, even though it is not as good as one might wish.

I'd imagine from my own experience that reducing the pressures on you will help restore a bit of motivation and energy, and even some optimism. Bearing that in mind what do you think you can do?

It may be you can reduce or temporarily stop studies without academic penalty with your doctor's assistance. Perhaps your grandfather can assist with your dad. I am simply throwing up things, I've no idea what is practical for you . I do know that it is better with studies to do them right rather than struggle and maybe have to repeat.

Feeling that bed is a good place to stay is I guess something all with depression have felt, and sometimes there is no choice, it is simply all one can do. Life outside can be so grim and just too much.

What can you do to reward yourself, things that take your mind away from the problems and give you a few minutes respite? I try for something to look forward to each day, I read, watch movies, go fo a walk, thing like that. I believe such self-reward is totally necessary, it is not selfish or silly.

I've said a bit, would you like to come back and say what you think?

Croix