Struggling with Depression and constant disappointment

[Random_name]

I have struggled with depression for the past 2 years now and am still bouncing between different medications as I feel it either isn’t helping or I get side effects which just makes everything feel worse. I am really struggling lately because I feel there aren’t many options left and my Psychiatrist just doesn’t seem interested, she is always busy and her office takes me an hour to get to. I want to see someone else closer to where I live and who I feel comfortable talking to but I just can’t take that step to tell her or meet a new person and have to start all over again. It just seems like so much effort and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

I have no enjoyment in my life, as soon as I get home from work I just want to sleep. I tried joining a sports team to be active and meet new people but it didn’t last very long, the tiredness eventually won and I started cancelling on training's and games.

I just honestly don’t understand why I am depressed, my life is good.

My family don’t understand it either, they try to be helpful but just end up saying the wrong thing and then I stew on that as it goes around and around in my head twisting into something that may have started out as “meaning well”.

I am the person who jokes and makes a group laugh but it’s all just a mask, and it is so draining, I can’t keep it up as long as I used to anymore I think that’s why I don’t have friends to talk to about anything anymore, I try to catch up with them but I always get cancelled so my “friend” group has considerably lessened in the past year.

Everyone seems to tell me all there problems even if I don’t know them very well, apparently I’m a caring considerate person and people feel comfortable telling me things. I listen and give advice where I can and they seem to walk away happier, Its strange because I find it so hard to talk to people about feelings and emotions, it’s just not something I was taught to do growing up and I just get so uncomfortable and awkward when asked about myself, I just don’t make sense when I try to explain something. It makes me feel stupid like a complete idiot.

So to sum everything up I think I’m exhausted trying to keep the smiling face up in front of everyone while being constantly disappointed by everything happening in my life. I don't see myself ever being happy again.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Every word you said Random, I can relate to. I’m 63yo so I’ve survived it all. I hope I can help out.

You are the important person in the psych/patient relationship and it is your desires that count here, I suggest the easy way to do this is to ring her secretary and cancel the next appointment and not make another, if that what you want. With that much travel it can wear you down.

As for other people not supporting you I have a thread on that very topic. Use google-

beyondblue topic they just won’t understand- why?

That’s why this forum exists so we can talk to others that understand.

The mask is common. We develop ways to blend in. An example is actor/ entertainers. Google “famous people with depression

Helping other people solve their emotional issues is so honourable. Compassion and empathy is a gift many people don’t have, it could be your future.

Beyondblue topic the good samaritan

We should go about helping others and not have expectations of reward.

Depression rules your life until it ends its cycle. Here is a thread on that topic

beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Rn

First, just want to say you're amazing. Everything you mention sounds like a challenge and despite what you may be thinking about yourself, you're rising to meet every one of them.

I recall my days in depression and how emotionally draining depression itself can be. To be meeting challenges whilst we're in such a place can pose problems if we're not fully aware of the true nature of these challenges:

• Your body is struggling to adapt to the biological changes that meds present. Doesn't help matters when some slow our metabolism, leaving us feeling drained with less energy than before we took them
• Taking responsibility for not only traveling some distance to seek counseling but also feeling responsible for the emotions of your psychiatrist if you decide to go somewhere else must zap some much needed energy. Repetitive self questioning can definitely be draining at times. You also mention the struggle you face in comments from family. I believe, seeing family often hold the most emotional clout in life, their comments (although well intended) can often be most impacting
• You're an absolute legend re joining that sporting team. Don't know if I could have done that myself with already depleted energy levels. No wonder you struggled to the point where you couldn't stay with it
• Friends can definitely be a resource when we're facing challenge, so when they pull themselves out of our life here and there, they're actually draining our resources without necessarily realising
• Being a natural born guide for others can be highly rewarding but very draining if we're not careful. May sound strange but have you ever considered how you 'recharge' after giving a guidance session to those that are drawn to you? Recharging is extremely important
  

When you look at all these energy draining factors, you see why I regard you as a star. In fact, everyone around you should be celebrating your stardom. You're a shining example of endurance and devotion. You're rising to meet every challenge you face. Folk could take lessons from you!

One of the things that keeps me out of a depression is - I'm demanding. I demand greater consideration, greater respect, love in action not just in words and the list goes on. Often it's those around us that drain us. Sometimes, the task of those who care is to come out of their comfort zone, rise to our challenges and then raise us. Raising people is a conscious effort, as you would know regarding those you help.

Begin making demands.

🙂

[Random_name]

Thank you to white knight and the rising for your comments, im glad people could relate to how I feel, it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone.
I will definately look into the topics you have suggested and thank you for the encouragement.

i really appreciate your support.