Struggling to make friends and uni + feeling depressed

[lise63]

Hi, so I am in my first year of uni and a university that none of my high school friends are going to. I basically know no one here and have not made any friends so far. I feel awkward and don’t know what to do in between classes so I usually end up sitting in the library by myself and studying. I’m at the point where I’m even too nervous to go and get food by myself despite being on campus for 8 hours, so I am not eating. I try to talk to people in my classes but it seems like everyone already has their own friends and are not interested in me. I am feeling so incredibly lonely right now and my high school friendships are drifting aswell, as they are at different unis or working full time and never reach out to me. Lately I have been feeling sad all the time and the only thing I ever look forward to is going to sleep because I can escape my miserable life. I cant keep going on like this I feel so lonely and useless at uni and even at home. It doesn’t help when I ask my parents how they made friends in uni because they tell me not to worry and that it will happen naturally but since being here for 4 weeks I have not made a single friend. I have been feeling like my life is pointless and I want to go back to high school so badly because I was actually happy then.

[amberlite]

Hi , I read your post. It is so hard when we are new and not around familiar peeps and places. In fact it can be normal to feel disorientated and overwhelmed. Do you have a campus counsellor? Cause their usually full of helpful information! I know it's a bit cliche, but if you focus on why your at uni; then the rest will just happen. If your lonely please use the social forums, the second forum has a thread for under 25's and the BB cafe is always open. Best of luck cause you are amazing.

[ypla]

Hey Lise63,
I was in the same boat when I was at uni. I thought going to social events would help but they actually made me more nervous. I'd sit alone watching group of people having lunch together and laughing. I spent 2 years like this before actually making my first friend at uni. It was so stressful that even my parents would make fun of me, sarcastically asking if I had any friends. After 2 years, I decided to join this student led engineering club but got rejected. Tried again and this time git accepted. One of my mates that I acquired there helped me get my first job as an engineer. The bottom line is: you have to put yourself out there. I know how hard this is as an introvert. But you have to talk to people. Ask them questions. Listen to them and then ask more questions. Uni is different. It's a place where you grow up. It's a place where you stop relying others and build your own character. I'd have already be gone if it wasn't for the resilience that I built through loneliness that still gives me strength today, even if I'm still lonely. One mistake I made during uni was I didn't try hard to find a hobby. You could sing, dance, play sport, hike, play theatre etc. Find one thing and stick to it.

Youll see most of the first year friendships will disolve after a year or two. Don't stress. People come and go. It's the experiences that you'll carry forward.

[Guest_4643]

Hey lise63, welcome.

I'm sorry to hear about all of this. If it makes you feel any better, while I'm not at uni and left school early due to personal reasons, I'm the same as you. I never had any friends as hard as I tried, and I didn't eat at school for a while, but before that I ate a lot. I wish I could be your friend. Hugs, you're not alone, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you can find someone soon, but we're here for you.