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Still trying but sinking (Type 1 diabetes, loss and the dual career and personal failures)
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Hi guys,
Have been in here before and the people here have been lovely. Last time I was here I had just been given a Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis. I tried to take it in stride but managing it is getting harder and harder every day, between the medication and trying to manage it, I've gone from a relatively fit and active bloke to having no energy, having dropped nearly 16kg and looking like a gaunt mess that I hate every time I look in the mirror. Feel like my life exists solely to have numbers of a CGM device so that my endocrinologist can tell himself that he's doing a good job.
Then in early 2024, I had been supporting my parents and my Dad had a major surgery, trying to improve his quality of life which I am proud of him for doing, but he didn't recover from the surgery and he passed in March. Now it's just Mum and I and we help each other, I try to always be there for her but it's getting so hard. I feel like i'm letting everyone down and not being there enough.
But at least I have my career right? Except no, the foreign management of the corporation I work for has decided to close the plant I work at so I'll be redundant in a few months. Not only am I losing the one anchor in my life but I get put under more financial pressure to boot. I've poured my soul into this job the last three years and felt like I was finally getting somewhere in my career.
I took the step of contacting a GP and trying to discuss a mental health plan, which was a huge step for me, but he didn't seem interested. He dismissed my attempts to find someone to verbally help me, prescribed me medication and sent me on my way, which hasn't helped me to feel any better emotionally and now I feel even more lethargic to boot.
My friends are largely distant, some of my oldest friends basically ignore me and I'm kinda at my wits end. I wouldn't do anything in a million years as long as Mum is around, but if she wasn't I don't think it'd even matter if I'd ceased to exist. I'm trying so damn hard, but every day it just feels like it's loss after loss, I'd like just one win every now and then y'know?
I'm just not even sure why I'm here or anywhere anymore.
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Hi Black Bubblegum,
I’m so sorry for the really tough time you are going through. That’s really hard with your Dad passing and then the news about your job. And dealing with the diabetes is a new life adjustment and not easy.
First of all I would say ignore that GP who was unhelpful to you and see another one. That is very inappropriate that he dismissed you given all you are dealing with. Now would be a really good time for you to get some psychological support. You can even research psychologists beforehand rather than relying on a GP’s recommendation. If you find a psychologist who sounds like a good fit for you, you can then approach a GP for a mental health care plan referral to that person. That’s what I did with my current psychologist who I’d already communicated with prior to seeing the GP and it has worked out a lot better for me than when I relied on referrals in the past.
When it comes to friends being distant, that often seems to happen when struggling with health issues. It’s like there are people out there who will be really good friends and more present with you, but finding those people can take a bit of time. Sometimes we outgrow friendships too. In the last few years I’ve had several long term friendships end that I realised weren’t that healthy. I just have a very small number of friends now who are very genuine, dear friends. It would be lovely if you could find some good connections. I am wondering if there’s something like a support group or forum for people with Type 1 diabetes? Sometimes connecting with others going through similar experiences can be helpful.
Please hang in there and know you are a worthwhile human being. You are dealing with multiple challenges and it’s very understandable to feel overwhelmed. Remember you can always give helplines a call too. I have found myself that when feeling particularly alone that it has been grounding just to chat to another human being and voice my feelings, fears, struggles etc. it can lighten the burden and be quite healing just having someone else witness your experience.
Take good care and happy to chat further if you would like to.
Best wishes,
Eagle Ray
