Starting all over again in my late 20s. Totally lost

[Hugh_Glass]

I spent nearly a decade out of high school in the construction industry. I did everything "right". I finished my apprenticeship and found full time employment (or so I thought). After a while I realised that I was making far less than my peers. I consulted with FairWork and found I was being severely exploited in a sham contracting situation. My boss had been having a field day due to my naivety. I started standing up for my rights and was ostracized and bullied by my boss and co-workers to the point where I started losing the will to be here and quit.

I took another job out of sheer desperation and was coerced into another sham contract. This time I was fired and nastily abused on the phone after I said no to being ordered to climb on a roof with no safety equipment by another "sub contractor". I then had to threaten legal action and asked FairWork for assistance to get paid for my last week of work as the boss didn't pay me and stopped answering his phone. FairWork were useless and did nothing about anything.

I'm now studying at uni in hopes of bettering my future but I can't work with a full uni schedule and AusStudy only covers my groceries and half of my utility bills. I'm living on a small amount of inheritance from my beautiful grandma who passed recently which I feel horribly guilty about and when that runs out, I'll have no money at all.

Luckily my dad is helping to the best of his ability and I'm blessed with a beautiful and understanding GF but I don't know if she'll stick around if I can't even afford to buy food.

I just don't really see the point in trying anymore. I feel like a failure and like society has massively failed me at the same time. It's like I'm a cog in the huge, dirty, stinking machine that is our economy and when I started squeaking too much I was taken out and thrown into the mud with the other rubbish. I don't talk to my friends anymore because they all became narcissistic robots who only care about competing with each other on social media to see who has the best holidays/stuff. It makes me sick. I don't derive enjoyment from the things I used to. My libido is gone. The few people I try to talk to (apart from my girlfriend) just tell me how "lucky" I am compared to *insert other disadvantaged group*. I feel so alone and taken advantage of. I have horrible social anxiety due to my low (non existent) occupational status for my age. I can't sleep most nights. I don't know what to do and I don't see any point in any of this.

[grt123]

A lot of things have come together to enable changes to occur in your life and I want you to feel encouraged that there seems to be a plan out there for you.

[therising]

Hi Hugh and welcome!

When it comes to that comparison thing (how you're lucky compared to others), comparisons typically don't ease the discontent we may be feeling; in fact the comparison aspect of life can have a tendency to make things worse in some cases. It has the potential to produce sliding scales of sorts. Eg. When we're doing well financially, we slide up the financial status scale, then back down when things are not so good. When we look youthful and 'socially attractive' in our 20s, we're at the high end of the scale, compared to when we've aged. Down we slide a little, when compared with our old self and/or others. I personally hate these scales. Sounds like those ex friends of yours tend to love these sorts of scales. I can almost guarantee that they're not going to be loving them too much when their lives begin to change over time and they perhaps start sliding down the scales of their own creation.

As for those who take advantage: We are not always present when those with little integrity become answerable. Although it would offer some satisfaction to witness the day when they are forced into honesty (or perhaps prison), we may simply have to take solace in the idea that we've escaped the drama well before this day comes.

Hugh, you sound like a person of great integrity. I do not perceive you in any way as a failure. Actually, you are the complete opposite. You've not tolerated ongoing abuse, you've actively stood up for your rights, you've turned your back on the somewhat superficial scales of social acceptance and status and you've set out to educate yourself and fill your mind with new possibilities.

In terms of construction, our life structure can be built with many flaws, with some of those flaws having been put in place by others. Eventually, when things appear to come crashing down, we tend to focus on what is no longer there. Life can begin to look a little empty in certain ways. The question becomes 'If I'm going to create some structure in my life free of past experience, how do I rebuild without certain knowledge or the new skill-sets needed?' The answer: It can't hurt to consult someone who knows about the ins and outs of rebuilding. Whether this involves consulting a mental health professional, life coach or some sage-like guiding light already known to you, guidance may be exactly what you need at this time. Making sure your foundations (belief systems) are solid and supportive of your future build is key.

Take care

[Birdy77]

Dear Hugh,

You have been treated most unfairly, but acted with much integrity throughout, even when you didn't receive help from those whose job it is to make workplaces fair and safe.

I think it's great that you've started at uni to better your future. Is there a way you could reduce your bills somehow like taking in a flatmate or moving in with your dad temporarily or something similar? So you can share utilities?

I understand your feelings about not having that occupational status, it's a really hard comparison to let go of, but I'm glad you've left those shallow, materialistic friends behind, you have too much depth and integrity to want to be pulled down by that.

Do you want to stay in construction? You could try again to find work with a reputable company. Or could you branch out on your own at all, or with another trade, make your own business, using your trade, or a handyman business, something like that? Just thinking out loud ...

Hey Hugh, your beautiful grandma would be so pleased to know that she has been able to help you stay afloat in your time of need, I am sure she would not want you to feel guilty, she would be glad it is assisting you. I am really sorry for your loss.

You sound like a really good person Hugh, I'm glad you have a lovely and understanding girlfriend, does she know how stressed you are?

Not sleeping is really not good for you, I'm wondering if you've thought about seeing a Dr and telling them you're under so much stress, not sleeping ... You are allowed to get support and help Hugh, and it sounds like you really need it.

It is so good you have come here to talk it out a bit and get some support from people who understand those dark and low places. You are welcome here any time.

You are not alone Hugh.

🌻birdy

[LesDave]

Wow Hugh. You've been through a lot. Congratulations on being strong and standing up to the bullying. You should be feeling good about that. You took the high road. Sounds like money is a kicker? Is there a way you can part time your trade to supplement things? I realise you've had some scam bosses, but they're not all like that. I know that what people are saying to you sounds cruel about 'comparing other groups', but I think it's the delivery of their messages that annoy you. The message is really about 'personal responsibility' which should NOT sound like criticism. It's about TAKING BACK YOUR POWER OFF OTHER PEOPLE. Other people cannot make you happy. Only you can. Stop giving them the authority to control you. YOU OWN YOU. You are a young powerful man who oldies like me are insanely jealous of because we wasted our youth. You sound like you got a plan, you just need to sort a few things out. 1. make a plan to work out how you can financially live and study and put it into action. 2. Reconnect with the world 3. Take back your power and stop letting the world hurt you. Can they physically hurt you? Not likely. Thumb your nose at them and move on 4. Show gratitude to your GF and Dad. Actually say thanks to them and tell them how much you love them. It will help you, and help them. 5. See if there are counselors at uni that can help you get back on track. 6. Finally, don't let this crap ruin life. ON the other side of darkness is amazing things. Consider this a challenge and whenever the dark thoughts come into your head, or bad stuff happens challenge it 'bring it on'. Bring it on baby, because you're only making me a better man as I learn to deal with you.