So why do I sit Here...Alone....Trying to Find a Reason to Go On?

[Dippy_Dora]

The above title is from a song I used to know...years ago...but I cannot remember who. It seems to be playing in my mind over and over and over. I find some comfort in the fact that someone else actually felt/feels this way too. Every day is a struggle for me to get through, I just feel exhausted all the time, my mind feels like a fog, even my speech is deteriorating in a weird way, I can't seem to speak properly. I feel like just giving in and not bothering with anything anymore. I have certainly lost my Love of Life....I can remember I was happy once and wonder how many other people are walking around, dragging themselves about...all pretending that nothing is wrong. When I am around other people I forget how unhappy I am because their chatter is a distraction. As is the TV, but then I switch that off and I can't even remember what I was watching. I stumbled across this forum and find comfort in reading that other people are suffering too....

[Melissa74]

I feel for you because it seems many of us are all facing a battle within.

I have anxiety and I just constantly feel on edge.

When I am with people sometimes I can be ok and other times I just sit there zoning out because I can feel the anxiety.

This forum is good it makes me have hope.

Hugs

[Wednesday]

Hi Dippy Dora,

I know that feeling, the struggle to get through a day and brain fog, its just awful.

I have major depressive illness and some chronic health issues, which probably helps explain me a little.

I'm new to BB but feeling lucky to have been given some good advice recently. I hope the forums can help you, even if it just lets you talk about what is going on for you.

Can I ask if you feel like this often?

Internet hug.

[Music_Freak]

I think we can all relate to how you feel in one way or another ( I know I can)... but it's why we came together and found each other in this forum 🙂

Hopefully you'll find comfort here just like I have 🙂

[Kazzl]

Hi Dora - I know that song ... Since Yesterday. Early 1980s? Strawberry something, might have to Google.

Welcome to the forum hun. Oooohhh, do I ever relate to your post, as would many folks here. I can feel it through your words - the emptiness, sadness, can't be botheredness, distance, can't connect. How long have you been feeling this way? And have you talked to your doctor about it? Or a family member or friend? It's a heavy load to bear alone.

I really believe that information is our best friend when we're feeling like this. Understanding what's happening to us really is the first step to getting better. There's a lot of great information on the website, please have a good read around. And take a look at the forum - especially the depression board - there's much we can learn from the experiences of others.

This won't be forever Dora. We can and do get well again, with time and treatment, and by knowing how to look after ourselves. Please feel free to ask anything you want and tell us how you're feeling, and what, if anything, has happened recently to contribute to your low mood.

You're amongst friends here hun, as you can see from the replies. A big hi and welcome too to Music Freak, Wednesday, and Melissa. I see you're all relatively new to the forum - how great to see you helping another newcomer. I hope you all stay with us and find help and friendship here.

Best wishes to you all

Kaz

[Dippy_Dora]

Hi Wednesday,

Yes I do feel like this often....and now I am wondering if I have always been like this?

Sometimes I feel normal and bright and it gives me hope...I just wish I felt like that all the time.

[Wednesday]

Hi Dora,

Good to hear from you. Wouldn't it be just wonderful to feel bright and normal all the time. I yearn for those days.

I guess its normal for everyone to have ups and downs. And of course we all have different personalities, but some ups and owns are different. Have you ever talked to a doctor about how things are for you? Even if you have it might be good to have a chat with your favourite doctor, what do you think?

Take good care of yourself, keep in touch. Hugs.

[Dippy_Dora]

Thank you Kazzl. I found the song...Strawberry Switchblade...funny listening to it all these years later. I can remember being really happy then....young, single, free with the lovely anticipation of what the future might hold.

I am in my forties now (yikes) and it's interesting you ask how long have I felt this doom and gloom. I think all my life, on and off. My mum was a manic depressive and did some crazy things which may have caused a lot of anxiety in me. I seem to have a high emotional intelligence around other people. I love meeting new people and sitting in busy places people watching. People are fascinating. However, when I feel anxious my voice goes all funny and I don't seem to speak properly...then I go home and get paranoid and wonder if people think I'm on drugs.

I seem to zone in and out of my depression and hide it well! However, I can often spot anxiety and depression in other people and get frustrated that there are so many of us going through such mental torture.

[Dippy_Dora]

Thank you Music Freak,

I have got so used to suffering inside and plodding along, day in day out. It is absolutely exhausting feeling this way.

[Just Sara]

Hey Dora and welcome to all newbies here too!

There's some great advice and comments here. I'm glad you're sticking with us.

Over 2 yrs ago, I suffered a major break-down which left me delusional and mentally challenged. This all occurred due to stress and not knowing how to cope. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which led to understanding 'me' and my symptoms so much better.

I once had a panic attack where the world felt like it physically shook around me like an earth quake. I couldn't talk properly for 3 days! It took a few weeks to talk and think ok again. That was over 4 yrs ago.

My point is; if I'd been diagnosed and treated back then, I may have been able to avoid the break-down. Early intervention is so critical to mental health treatment plans and strategies. Being hyper-vigilant and not coping alone, which is what you've described, are symptoms of 'something'.

Being diagnosed can be life changing. For me it meant understanding my symptoms were relative to my history and that I was normal under those circumstances. Taking things day by day with the support of my GP and psychologist has seen me grow and learn to identify boundaries and trust issues, and take steps to change. Yes, it was hard going and took time, but my efforts and courage has paid off.

I wish you well in your search, and can assure you BB is heading in the right direction.

Kind thoughts...Dizzy x