So over it!

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi All

Decided to rant because I am so over this depression!

My first depression was over 23 years ago. I have been on an antidepressant ever since and never had another episode until May this year.

I was quick to pick up the signs and finally got into see a psychiatrist at the end of June. I was put back into the same combination of medication that got me well the first time. Wow some of the side effects I never had all those years ago, I definitely have this time!

I have an amazing partner who is both supportive and loving. He is my Tower of strength both episodes. This time around it's a bit harder having though having 2 teenage children. I haven't told the kids as they would take it very hard.

It has been 10 weeks or so since beginning medication. I am no longer low but still haven't returned to myself. I find this so hard to deal with. I find the everyday tasks a challenge, just thinking of what to have for dinner every night does my head in. I feel I am constantly counting the days, weeks,months that this has been going on. I get so upset that I'm not 100%. I feel like I am letting down my husband and kids. School holidays are coming up and I was unable to take the kids anywhere in the last holidays.

My husband says I'm too hard on myself but I am just so over it. How much longer does this suffering have to go on for before it's done?

Possum Magic

[BballJ]

Hi Possum Magic,

You have had a very long battle with depression and I am sorry that it is has come back. From my experience and what I have learnt on these forums is that anti-depressant medication can take quite some time to work, 10 weeks is a good amount of time but maybe needs a little longer? Are you meeting with your psychiatrist regularly to discuss how you are going and the side effects?

It is great you have your husband as your support network, having someone to lean on in trying time is very key to recovery. I know you said you have got through it before and hopefully that gives you strength to keep pushing and know you can beat depression once again. The worst part about mental health is the recovery time I think is always different for every one regardless if you have been through it before or not. It does sound like you put a lot of pressure on yourself, you are doing a great job but so please keep reminding yourself of that.

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi Jay

Thanks for your response. My first depression was a battle but I have been lucky enough to never of had another episode until now.

The hardest part is feeling better but not feeling yourself. You just want everything to come back asap. I'm extremely lucky to have an amazing partner, and yes, I'm hard on myself because I loathe being stuck halfway.

I see my psychiatrist fortnightly and she advises me to be patient. Last visit she told me that she knew I was fed up. She has now gone overseas so I won't see her again until mid October. I can see someone in her absence but I don't see the point really .

I see and feel little changes so I'm just going to have to soldier on. What I would love is to be able to walk into her office and be 90% myself. I feel like I'm letting down my kids as well as my mother who is in aged care with dementia and I am her enduring guardian. So much rides on me being well, not just for my family but for me as well.

Cheers Mel

[geoff]

hello Possum Magic, as you now have bad reactions to the same medication you were on before which you didn't have, and because they aren't working then it's time to go back to your doctor or when you see your psychiatrist, our body chemistry changes through out our life, so what once worked doesn't mean it's going to now.
How long is being patient, if nothing is working now then it doesn't seem as though it's going to, unless tey haven't put you on the max dosage, but you will have to wait until she returns, just take it day by day, I'm sorry to say, but please let us know. Geoff.

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi Geoff

It is only the added medication that gives me a slight hand tremor, hands like ice and the cold really effects me. We have tried upping the antidepressant but it was too much. I have lifted, but as I said , not as much as I had hoped. The dose I am on now has been 6 weeks and prior 4 weeks so 10 weeks all up. I started not being right in mid May so 5 months.

It is 5 weeks before my doctor is back......... I guess I just have to soldier on.

Regards

Mel

[BballJ]

Hi Possum Magic,

I understand what you are saying, the battle is similar but it is not the same and I think because you know you have overcome it before, that you should be able to do it quicker this time. The journey is never as simple as we would like but I think if you are seeing slight improvements each day or every couples of days, take the time to appreciate them. Every little step forward is a step in the right direction. You do have a lot of people relying on you but you also can rely on them and like I said, it is great your husband is supportive.

If you feel you need to talk and these forums sometimes can take a while between answers, remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss how you are feeling. It may help you just to speak to a trained professional.

Please, keep posting back, I am always happy to talk.

My best,

Jay

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi Jay

You are so right! Yes I believe it should be quicker and easier. ( very wishful thinking on my behalf) My last episode was so long ago that I forget how long it took to be well and my husband can't either. I do realise though that I just have to be patient.

I have had a couple of good days, which always helps to make me more positive. It is a month before I see my psychiatrist so I just need to be strong and hope the days continue to get easier.

Thanks so much for your support.

Mel 😀

[Guest_128]

Hi Mel , I didn't read everything,just the first and last.

Are you seeing a councillor or psychologist? At this point in time I think you should be seeing someone weekly.

You love your children,and they love you. They deserve to know what is going on with you and you deserve that know to be able to support you and your husband.

I do get it,

Dory

Sounds like you have done an amazing job keeping your family together,it is not an easy job.

[BballJ]

Hi Possum Magic,

I am glad the last couple of days have been good to you, the sunny days are there, sometimes we just need to open your curtains and look.

I know the appointment is one month away so keep posting here and talking and getting your emotions out there, it really does help I find.

My best,

Jay

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi Dory

I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I had been seeing her on a fortnightly basis until she went on leave. It is a month before my next appointment.

I have been thinking that I will tell the kids in the next school holidays. My eldest is currently sitting year 11 exams and I didn't want him to be concerned with anything but his studies.

My amazing job of keeping it together for the family has been tough but I get through. I have also continued working through this time as well. It isn't easy but better than it was. I have had a couple of very positive days so fingers crossed they continue.

Thanks for your support

Mel