Depression: The beast won't let me speak everything

[Revenuer]

Hi

I recently joined the Army 7 months ago but for the past 5 years I've been suffering from depression however during those years I didn't know much about depression and thought that my internal struggles were normal. But things started to get worse and I did some researching and from the info I gathered from mental health websites such as Beyond Blue I was indeed suffering from depression. I sought help through the Army and went to see a Psychologist but the worst thing was I couldn't tell her everything. I only told her about 10 percent of what's really going on. It's like there was an invisible force preventing me from saying everything I just couldn't do it . I hate that at the most crucial moment to actually get help I was weak. How can I overcome this beast and actually tell my Psychologist the whole story.

[RW85V]

Hey Revenuer,

Sorry that you're having a tough time. Do you think that it's just that you haven't had time to really build trust with that psychologist? When I went to see one it took some time to break down the barrier I had to really be open with someone that I considered a perfect stranger. I am a very private person and I don't really like to speak openly about emotions so it took me a good 3 sessions to really hash things out. I certainly didn't bear my soul on the first meeting either because I just wasn't in the right head space to do so yet.

Don't be too hard on yourself, the main thing is that you reached out and got help and you've started the ball rolling with talking to someone.

Take care!

[geoff]

hello Revenuer, it's always very difficult to open up to someone new who keeps asking you questions, about your private life, your personal issues, so it's not easy just to walk in, sit down and tell them everything, it doesn't seem comfortable, divulging so it's going to take awhile to build up any confidence or trust with them.
Firstly all sessions are private and no one else knows what has been said, but a great way to break this fear is to write down on some paper what you are concerned about, hand it over to her, she will then read through it knowing what does worry you, then ask the appropriate questions.
Even after this happens it's still going to be a couple of sessions before you can gain trust with her, but she's there to help you.
Internal struggles are what depression causes, whether it be social anxiety or one of the many other types of depression you maybe suffering from, but as it's been happening for over 5 years then every other different type will add onto what you are needing help for, but you get bogged down and confused, that's why you have to pull the cork out of the bottle and let someone in.
I just wonder whether you are happy being in the Army, because it's a completely different life to what you have been used to. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Revenuer

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post. Interesting name, by the way. :)

You’ve received two good responses so far, and no doubt others will come along. Just thought I’d chip in as well, to say “good on you” for seeking out professional help. Don’t be hard on yourself about not divulging straight away.

Just look back on how you’ve been over the past few years, and it’s taken you this long to seek out help, so I think it only natural that you’re not going to “unload” everything, especially in your first couple of sessions.

As others have suggested, it will take time, but as time goes along and hopefully you feel more comfortable and build up a repour with this person, things might be able to progress in a positive fashion for you.

One thing I still do, is to jot down things between one appointment and the next … anything that has come up, just so we can discuss it – oh and I write it down, just so I won’t forget.

But for you, as Geoff suggested, writing things down … some of the issues that you are battling with, this can be a very good way to inform your psych.

Kind regards

Neil

[kanga_brumby]

Hi Revenuer just like the others they have all said relevant things when going to see the Psychologist wright things down it may be one key word here or there as a guide to which way to take the conversation, I know it was hard for me to open up but with so meany underling problems I have I knew how to open up quicker than if I did not have the other problems. Which only makes my depression worse. which makes my other medical stuff worse so we have a cycle here break one thing I get better quicker as will happen with you so persevere you will get there.

Kanga

[Revenuer]

Thanks for your reply Kanga, I'll try writing down my issues.

[Revenuer]

Thank you for your reply Geoff and whilst I've only been in the army for a few months this depression is sucking away everything I used to enjoy

[Revenuer]

Thank you for your reply Neil

[geoff]

hi Revenuer, if you want to leave the army because of your depression that would be quiet easy, or what the army may do is want to discharge you, and please remember that none of this is any fault of yours, depression is so confusing. Geoff.