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Hello everybody my name is Ryan I am 27 years old and I have not posted on here in a while. well what can I say ? I have been feeling melancholy for the past few months however the funny s that I attribute it similarly being in a clinical state physical discomfort in the respect that there is moments of relief from feeling depressed but it inevitably comes back I am employed casually as a kitchen attendant and I have been hanging in there. The work environment is positive and I could not have asked for a better team everyone is kind to me and I try my best to be genuine and friendly at the same time I do my best to mask it with that being said at the end of the day everybody these days is so focused on their own world that they wouldn't notice if anything was up. even when my coworkers do I respond with the usual "I am fine thankyou for asking" and normal polite conversation and that it is it.
In terms of the depression I feel trapped I am content in my current position but I don't want to be stacking porcelain or scrubbing pots and pans forever I recently upskilled to become a barista and I am quite competent at making espressos I dreamt of being a pastry chef of going back to study Patisserie and earn my Pastry Chef certification. The problem is no matter how clear the intention or goal this feeling of depression keeps getting in the way this overwhelming sense of self doubt I keep looking for excuses of which I am running out of. people tell me to go for but it is easy for them to say it's not their life is it.
Thanks for the update and welcome back to the forums. It sounds like you have been through a lot the last couple months, especially at work. It is good to hear that you have a supportive group of people at work however.
Regarding your career. It is great to have goals as they give you something to work toward to. This is especially good for those with depression. However, it is important to acknowledge that depression can make also feel trapped and uncomfortable in any position or situation you're in. I felt the same way when I was studying. I thought if I changed courses I would feel better which was not the case. It is important you seek help and treat the root cause of your depression before you go about making big decisions regarding your life/career. That being said, since you have recently upskilled it may be the case that you would like to pursue work as a barista if the work is better and context is appropriate.
Hope that helps and keep us updated.
Managing depression is tough in so many ways, more ways than people imagine. The lack of energy and motivation, the lack of clear vision (there can be some vision but not enough), the challenging inner dialogue, the self esteem issues, all the emotions/feelings and so much more. Depression's a multifaceted challenge. While these facets exist, they also exist as triggers at the same time.
I tell you, if life coaches were more affordable, I'd be working with one right now. While I have a basic vision of what I want and some energy (not enough to be felt as a driving force), what I lack the most is a strategic and relatable plan I can work with and easily follow. A vague plan looks like - Find ways to develop more energy, work on eliminating habits that deplete energy, generate clearer imagery through the imagination, set a course with goals along the way (small but significant goals that can be seen and reached), establish guides for when feeling lost in some way (who can help make better sense of why and how direction's been lost), work on mastering inner dialogue etc. What all that exactly looks like, not sure. Btw, the inner dialogue part can involve learning to channel different facets of self. While one facet might be 'the self soother' which can sound like 'Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a good person facing a significant struggle', there's got to be that facet that's like a dictator - 'Okay soldier, you need to get your poop together, stop dwelling and get back on track. No excuses, get back on that damn track RIGHT NOW!'.
Wondering if you have a visionary/guide in your life, someone who can see in their mind exactly the way forward for you, the way forward you want and one you can manage while experiencing the challenges of depression. If you do know someone like this, ask them what they see for you. It will need to be specific. 'I see you becoming a pastry chef' is not enough. You need to be able to see what the path between here and there looks like. They may actually see a number of ways of you raising yourself out of depression before you go on to further study. Some paths are not always straight forward.
My brother in the late 70's early 80's was doing the 4 year chef TAFE course but six months from graduating he dropped out. The stress was too high for him working in kitchens but it sounds like you are enjoying it? My brother travelled around australia working packing shelves. He is a great cook but will never work in a kitchen again. I see his talents going to waste. So you are 27 years and go ahead with your dreams/desires. Are you able to do any relaxation techniques to help you with these depressive thoughts or there should be self-esteem classes available. It helped me this latter course. Self esteem for me was something to be learned and worked on. It may help keep those doubts at bay. I hope this helps.