Need some outsider advice - Lost in life

[R.Penn]

Hello BB community, it's amazing to see how much support is here.

I have posted here in the past but have returned to gain some advice in regards to my situation. I have been told I have GAD and Depression, but I do not identify with this. I recently relocated interstate to be near family after living in Melbourne for 9 years. I gained 3 qualifications while I was living in Melbourne and have been unemployed for the past year or more. I was having a terribly hard time trying to find work within the Disability sector, as I love to help people. But I was also feeling anxious and depressed as I wasn't getting ahead. My most recent job lasted two shifts as my Supervisor was very unprofessional with his communication and I was not supported there as a new staff member. He wasn't allocating me hours either.

I was also on medication the last 7 months for the second time as my acne condition was severe again and I couldn't look in the mirror. This was greatly effecting my mental health and I needed to come home to heal. I was really broke and couldn't afford to live and pay rent in Melbourne and I had the opportunity to live with my family (in my mums caravan) which I am grateful for but it's not where I want to be. I have been on my own since my last relationship ended Sept 2017, and I know I need to work on my independence. I have been challenging myself daily to go and do things on my own that I find difficult but it seems to be getting harder to do. Sometimes just going to the shops for food is almost impossible. I am seeking out a new psychologist but I am a bit put off from the last 2 I had as they made me feel worse. I also don't know anyone where I have moved to and am feeling very isolated from friends.

I know now is my time to do some self-discovery but I feel so weak and shy all the time. I do not want to go on medication either as I have tried that and prefer natural medicine. I think I just need someone to talk to as I am in limbo at the moment physically and mentally. I can't decide where I want to live. Near my friends in Melbourne or near my family. I am torn. May I ask what you have done when feeling lost in life and unsure of what path to take? especially being unemployed, I have had no help whatsoever from the job providers and am getting really impatient.

Any advice would be muchly appreciated. 🙂

[JessF]

Hello R.Penn

Lost in life! It's an overwhelming feeling isn't it? I've found it only takes a few bigger things to go wrong and it can all start to spiral, feeling like everything is out of control and nothing is going right.

How to find your way out? When you hit the wall like this it can be a bit of a slow process. I sometimes liken it to one of those investigations that goes on after a plane crash. Going back through the debris and finding out why it happened in the first place is quite a task.

When we're in a good place, our brains help us to make goals, work out what we need to do to achieve those goals, how much effort we need to put in, and take all those steps we need to make the goals happen. Along the way, if we're in a good place, we can readjust on the fly to any challenges that come up and keep moving forward. But if any of these things fall down, then depression and anxiety can be the result.

I see some clues in your post as to where things might have started to become difficult for you. You mention gaining 3 qualifications in the space of 9 years, which must have taken up a lot of your time and energy. In the last year you've been unable to find suitable work, which perhaps makes you feel like your efforts to study have been in vain.

It also sounds like you have struggled to get along with people in a professional capacity, whether it's doctors trying to give you a diagnosis, psychologists trying to assist, or your supervisor at your most recent job. I know it can be frustrating when we feel that people just don't "get" us, but sometimes it's worth thinking back on what we're bringing to the table when we interact with others to see how that might effect the outcome. This has been a helpful but confronting thing that I have done over the years.

I would keep pushing ahead and doing the daily tasks of putting yourself out there, as hard as that is right now. It sounds like you need some time to reflect on what to do next, and this might not be a comfortable thing to do. I find that doing 'thinking out loud' here can also be helpful sometimes too.

[R.Penn]

Hi Jess

I am so sorry I never replied to your post. Thank you for your help. It’s been a real roller coaster. I am still lost but aren’t we all. I am slowly realising how I might need to change. But isn’t that just it, change is hard and I have stopped trying to help and change other people and focus more on myself and what I need to improve my life circumstances. It’s been years since your post but you had some great advice. 2018 was the year I moved to Qld after everyone kicking the bucket so to speak in my family in Melbourne. I have found it really hard to adjust my lifestyle but it is more relaxing in Queensland and I love to swim. I met a great guy too after experiencing a very toxic relationship. I am still on the journey to find myself but I think that is life long perhaps. How are you doing? I never ask this in forums. 

I am struggling more than ever at the moment with all my relationships. I just don’t have any friends from moving around and due to covid. I am on my way it getting outside more and am in therapy. 

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. Also love your Murder She Wrote profile pic 🙂