Sick of being sick

[RainOnMyParade]

It's hard to know where to begin. I'm just sick of being sick/it's a never ending cycle.

The last few years I have had pnuemonia, cancer, deviated septum surgery, constant colds and flus, insulin resistance, migraines, ulcerative colitis... The list goes on and on. I can't remember the last time I was okay! I have tried so hard to combat this with regular exercise when I'm not bed bound And eating ridiculously healthy but it doesn't seem to work and I'm continually putting on weight.

I had to quit my job because I was told, how can you look after sick people if you are so sick all the time, you should stop working in X profession because you are shit at being healthy and are letting the team down. I was bullied Everytime I showed up to work with a medical certificate and accused of "faking it"

As well as this I have lost multiple friendships over me being sick and friends telling me that I haven't put the effort in, despite when they have been sick in the past I've been the first person there to help.

To add to this, I have recently been told I won't be able to conceive children because of my array of health problems and recent diagnosis of PCOS. This really is affecting my relationship with my husband as he is the first born child and only one to pass on the family name and I've basically screwed our chances of having children just because of being me. We both agreed we wanted kids and he has always said that if this changes it would be a deal breaker (back when we were dating)

I honestly feel useless. I can't go back to work because I'm too sick. Too sick to conceive a child. Been exercising and eating healthy yet can't shed any weight off.

The last time I was severely depressed I was a young teen at home, being physically, emotionally and financially abused by my parents at home and socially isolated from all my friends, but I had my grandparents to help me out. This time though, they have been gone for quite sometime, I have no friends and I feel like if I tell my husband im slipping back into bed depression we will have no marriage/relationship either.

On top of this, the unit we rent is being sold and we are being asked to move. It's been difficult to find anywhere to live as we have a pet and so far all of my applications to new places have been rejected.

I have previously tried Lexapro consistently for a year with no luck. I have been to four psychogists with no break through. I exercise. I eat healthy. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi RainOnMyParade,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

The great thing about BB is that if my response doesn't resonate with you other's will. You will get a bunch of different opinions and stories from people here and that's what makes this a great community.

Even though I'm not married, I can relate in many ways to your story. It sounds like a large majority of what you're describing falls into the category of 'invisible illnesses' so only you can see it and only you can feel it. The good thing about these is that people in public don't generally know, and the bad thing about these is that people in public don't generally know. Not being able to see what you're having to go through on a daily basis makes it incredibly hard for people to understand and provide empathy; they can't see it, they can't feel it - and this is often why people get treated like crap and being told that they are 'faking it'.

One of the things that has helped me in my own journey of this is mindfulness; and the core concept of this is trying to focus on the present. You've had to deal with an awful lot of struggles and I can see that. The idea isn't about ignoring the pain or trying to pretend everything is okay. It's about sitting with it; and trying to be in the right here right now. This is also the struggle because it's being in the now and not focusing on what you think the future may or may not look like. It's a practice after all.

One of the 'branches' of mindfulness is self-compassion; which is so much easier said than done but just reading your post makes me think that you might benefit from it. When is the last time that you said or did something nice for yourself? Not because you 'should' but because you deserve it.

I'm sorry that your experiences with psychologists hasn't worked out. Sometimes it can be around finding the right psychologist, and I think other times it might be finding what works for you. What do you think you need to to help you be in a better place?

I hope this helps

[TBella]

Welcome

so sorry you are having such a hard time lately.

i do relate, I'm dealing with 10 medical conditions at moment & like you I lost all my friends too when I got sick. So I do know how hard, lonely that can make you feel.

Have you had your thyroid tested? Some of your symptoms sound similar to mine & I just found out I that something is wrong with my thyroid- hense the putting on weight even though I eat healthy & exercise & always exhausted. I don't know exactly what is wrong yet- currently having tests this week. Anyway it may pay to ask your Dr to test your thyroid, may be connected to the PCOS.

I too know the grief of being told I can't conceive & have kids. My heart goes out to you, it's a lot to deal with.

I hope you find some comfort & support here, that you need.

sending you a hug & best wishes. 🤗

Tbella