I HATE MYSELF

thehiss · ‎08-08-2017

Due to my chronic anxiety I have been unable to live a normal life which in turn has caused depression, anyway lately my depression has intensified and I'm always comparing myself to other people my age (24) and looking at what they're doing with their lives- working, studying at university, have friends, fit and healthy, independent and happy. I then look at myself and see this lazy, stupid, uneducated fat slob who sits around all day thinking crap and does time wasting things. I feel like I've wasted the past 7 years of doing nothing, even though I have done a couple of TAFE courses I feel as though that it's not good enough and I'm still dumb. I've explained this to my psychologist and he basically said "they're just thoughts" plus my family constantly says that I'm smart and intelligent but I think they just say that to make me feel better. I'm going to be 25 early next year and I can't work, I'm certainly not independent, I have no friends and I'm overweight and unfit. There are people out there that are far worse off health wise than me and yet they still manage to study and work etc.. Honestly I feel as though my life is just one complete messy waste and it's never going to improve. I don't know if any of these thoughts and feelings are due to depression or if it's because it's all true.

Guest_128 · ‎08-08-2017

Hey there,

ATM we are not worrying about anyone else! This is about you,ok.

You said you are going to a psychologist,so does that mean you are in contact with your personal gp or/and psychologists?

I do feel very sorry for your generation, I have a son nearly 28,two daughters,19 and 16.

What interests are you keen on? I am wanting to know what rows your boat,or what you would like to try?

Later

White_Rose · ‎08-08-2017

Dear TH

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope you are OK with me using your name initials only. It allows me to write a bit more, but more importantly I think you have chosen this name as a reflection of yourself and I am certain this is not accurate.

I struggled with that same emotion, my family constantly says that I'm smart and intelligent but I think they just say that to make me feel better. Yes it is the way of families to want all of their members to be happy, but usually it's taken for granted. Your family is telling you in no uncertain terms that they love you and think you are intelligent.

So what can you do to live up to their recognition of you as an intelligent person? First of all I want you to have a good look at yourself. When we become depressed/anxious we lose sight of the person we are. We hold on to all the bad aspects of our lives, real or imagined, and make that our persona. After a while others will also see you as this person which is why it is imperative to recognise and embrace the true picture of yourself before it become buried under all the rubbish piled on top.

Depression/anxiety has often been called the black dog so think of it that way. Here's this dog who is behaving badly. Will not walk to heel, jumps all over you and barks so loudly and frequently you cannot hear what others say. This is what depression does to us. It whispers in our ears that we are hopeless and useless, so why bother trying to do anything.

You psych is right in that the thoughts you have are just thoughts. If it stopped there you would be OK but you listen to these thoughts, believe them and act on them. Perhaps you can have a chat about this with the psych. There is a world of difference between thinking and acting so he needs to help you learn how to put these thoughts away and focus on other matters.

Going back to the dog, how about you take it for a walk every morning? This will be teaching it to walk at heel. You are in charge and when the dog says no I don't want to go for walk you can tell it you are in charge and "we are walking". The benefits of exercise are well documented. You will feel better and making it a daily habit will help change the way you think while working on your fitness.

Getting near my word limit. Please write in again.

Mary

MsPurple · ‎08-08-2017

Hi thehiss and welcome to the forums.

I just want you to know you are not alone with these feelings. With anxiety we get lots of bad thoughts about ourselves. We always question ourselves and compare ourselves to others. It is a hard habbit to break but it can be done. When I start thinking negatively about myself and comparing myself to others I try catch myself doing it saying 'MP would you say this to your friends? Why should you say this to yourself'. This helps me remember that we need to be forgiving of ourselves and realise no one is perfect. Unfortunately we live in a world where everyone tries make their lives look perfect on social media. I myself am guilty of this. I try only put good things on facebook. Like I got a new job. But what I fail to put on their is how little hours I get and how I am struggling. We need to remember that when we compare ourselves to others we may not know the whole story as well. SO when you go down that train of thought try catch yourself and say something good about yourself.

Now as for the education thing. I have done uni and I can tell you that it is overrated. Myself and my brother did you and guess what, we struggle to get full time hours. My sister did a tafe course and she got a full time job and it didn't take her long. You should never think of tafe as lower than uni. Sometimes I wish I did tafe over uni. I think they have a higher job success rate.

With weight and fitness it is really common for those with mental illness to struggle with weight. IT is hard to exercise with low moods. I suggest starting small. Try go for a 30 minute walk a day. Any movement is good movement. Also with eating healthy, I suggest following the Australian Dietary Guidelines. There is no point doing a fad diet as they are no healthy or lead to long term weight management. I struggle with motivation when it comes to healthy eating and exercise. I try go for walks with a friend and cook healthy dinners together. I found that helped.

You are not alone with these feelings. I still struggle with good body image and good self talk, but I just remember I am not perfect and a work in progress

MP

BballJ · ‎08-08-2017

Hi thehiss,

As someone who has suffered from anxiety for around 10 years, I can see how it has also managed to turn into depression, I have battled these feelings as well.... this is the anxiety talking to you and allowing the negative thoughts to stack up in your mind and almost take over. We always tend to compare ourselves to other people, I have done it before but when he literally put ourselves down to the point we feel so low, it really isn't healthy. You said you have done two tafe courses... that is an awesome achievement, not many people can finish 1 let alone 2 and that is something you should be proud of. Putting yourself down because others are in university doesn't mean anything. You still had to complete your courses. May I ask, how long have you battled these thoughts and feelings? I know you said you are seeing a psychologist, do you find that isn't working at all?

My best for you,

Jay