shopping addiction advice/ strategies 🛍️☺️🧚🏻‍♀️

[faireetay]

Hello, I'm Tay 🧚🏻‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

My mental illnesses are OCD/ schitoeffective and I also have autism and a little ADHD. 

I suffer from a shopping addiction. It's at its worst at the moment and has been growing since last year, fluctuating at times. I'm finding it makes me very sad, depressed and anxious all the time. Interrupting sleep too. I'm always making myself and loved ones sad by spending too much I can't afford and at risk of my partner leaving who doesn't feel financially secure. I am also very passionate about the planet which is strange for someone with this consumerism addiction however I'm hoping to be the person I want to be some day and help the planet more and do less consumerism and become more eco friendly. If anyone would like to share their addiction/ shopping addiction advice/ stories this is a space to do that id love to hear tips and such things 💝 thank you kindly ✨

[Croix]

Dear Tay~

Welcome here ot the Forum, I hope if you search around you may find others that have been in similar situations.

I have a friend who was very prone to buy clothes so as to feel better when down. This was hugely expensive and sadly the clothes were only worn once or so and then put out of sight.

There were only two measures that person was able ot take that were effective. The first was to get someone else to do the shopping so they were not out in the midst of all the ads and temptations. It helped somewhat wiht finances but did not take the place of pleasure  in the buying of things.

The second thing was more successful, and that was switching from clothes shops to thrift stores where a few dollars bought as many garments as $100's. If they were used and then discarded it was not nearly so much of a waste and the pleasure was still there.

Maybe adopting similar strategies might help, in addition to which I would suggest counceling, if that finds the cause great,  but in any case to develop a better coping strategy that works.

Croix

[therising]

Hi Tay

What you're facing sounds so incredibly frustrating for you and your partner. It's definitely a massive challenge when the dopamine receptors in our brain thrive on certain addictions but we suffer through those same addictions in a number of ways.

While I don't suffer enormously through shopping addiction, it is there to some degree. Not sure if it will help but I'll offer some things I've become conscious of over time, which help me not overspend. Mind you, there are times where I can't help myself. Then, afterwards, I can become incredibly angry with myself and even down on occasion (depending on the circumstances). Some of my triggers can involve

• Gaining a high. There's no denying it, dopamine feels absolutely fantastic. I love it
• A vivid imagination. If I can imagine having something and I can see it, feel it, smell it, taste it or hear it clearly and vividly through my imagination, I'll buy into that sensory experience. You could call this 'making it real' or bringing what I imagine into reality. It's like magic, physically having what I once imagined. Wave a magic wand (credit card) over an EFTPOS machine and BAMM, there you have it. Actually, the bank owns it 'til we pay it off
• Access to money. If I had access to loads of money, basically nothing would stop me. I'd buy pretty much every experience I could imagine. What stops me is a lack of access to money plus being able to recall how mentally and emotionally disturbing it can be when there's not enough or I'm in debt. While my daughter faces some of the challenges of ADHD, she does not have a credit card because she knows she wouldn't be able to manage it. She'd use it uncontrollably so as to gain highs through shopping. She also limits her access to money through having 2 separate bank accounts, one that's easily accessible and another that's much harder to access
• Inner dialogue and an overwhelming sense of wonder. Whether it's a part of me that leads me to wonder what it would be like to have something (triggering my imagination), the saboteur in me that prevents me from saving or some other part of me, the dialogue can be irresistible. 'Imagine what it would be like to have that', 'You need that thing', 'Why should you have to live without it', 'You work hard, you need to treat yourself' and the list goes on when it comes to the chatter in my head. Finding ways to interrupt the dialogue can make some difference. My 22yo daughter and 19yo son have been known to say to me in the past 'Mum, you literally can't afford to wonder about having that thing'. They'll trigger the financial manager in me which may remind me 'You've got that electricity bill sitting at home on the bench, needing to be paid'. Whether it's internal dialogue that interrupts the process of buying something or external dialogue coming from people in our life, buying something involves a step by step process that may need interruption while helping shift focus

While gaining a high, a vivid imagination, access to money, inner dialogue and a tremendous sense of wonder can all be positives in life, I've also found they can present great challenges. There's a bright side and a dark side to each. Managing the dark side requires various forms of enlightenment. I smile when I say often my kids will help shed light on certain things for me. They're naturally brilliant people and great guides in my life ☀️ 😁

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Tay and wave to Croix and therising,

I have a debit card rather than a credit card. I’ve never actually owned a credit card. I do think this can help because you can only buy within your means.

I have a definite adhd brain and so my brain does look for those highs to boost dopamine. From about 2005-2013 I was quite addicted to op shops. But as Croix describes, it is better than constantly buying new items and if I bought something I realised I didn’t like so much after all I could just return it to a charity again and it went back into circulation. So in terms of your interest in caring about the planet you would at least feel like you were recycling more and less involved in consumerism that way. My op shop addiction eventually began to fade but for a while there I simply couldn’t go past one without going inside. Eventually I realised how much of a burden having too much stuff is, that there is limited space and it gets too much to keep buying stuff, even if they are op shop bargains. I also realised that while there was an initial dopamine high, there was quite often a low that would follow when I realised I probably just bought things I didn’t need. I think more and more I didn’t want that sinking low feeling, so that seemed to overcome the addictive tendency.

Another way of looking at it might be finding something else that gives you a dopamine boost but doesn’t involve buying things. From 2010 I really got into photography. There is a cost in initially buying the camera gear, but then after that I am just accumulating images which go onto my computer hard drive but don’t cost anything to make and don’t take up space. I absolutely love it and I think that’s how my adhd brain gets its fix now. I really enjoy the photo editing process too. It’s also quite healthy in that it gets me out and about, whether I am doing landscape, wildlife or urban photography. It’s something I look forward to and it motivates me to engage with various environments in a creative way.

So I think there can be healthy ways to redirect the search for the dopamine boost. Perhaps something creative?

Those are just some thoughts. All the best,

ER

[quirkywords]

Tay

welcome to the forums

When I was high I would spend so much and got myself into debt. I had no financial sense. I was a big spender who lied to everyone and myself. 
it took me years until I could be honest and face the truth I had a problem. I got help and took medication. I cut up my credit cards and only pay cash. I stopped buying on eBay.n

i only buy at op shops but I have a strict weekly amount I adhere to.

Tay I feel for you. Make a plan that you can follow and get support from people you trust. 
I am here to listen and support.