Self-worth

[Jo-Candice]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum.  I thought I would share my feelings and day-to-day struggles with others.

I'm a mom of 3 children and am happily married.  I have a good life and nothing to complain about. All my life I havd battled depression. I've gotten really good at hiding it as I'm worried that people will not like me or think I'm to much work. 

And if I'm honest I don't think I have anything special to offer the world. I don't excel at anything and I've never had a talent. But to the outside world I project something different and confidence.

My self-worth is so low and I worry people will not like me. Today my fear came true. A friend had picked up my depression and knocked me down for it. I felt my mental health was bullied.

I am just wondering if anyone else lives in secret with their depression? And what about your self-worth? I am hoping by listening to others will help me relate and help me change the way I feel about myself.

Thanks for listening.  

[yarnartisan]

As a mum of 2 teenagers and married for 301 years( oops, no it just feels like that way sometimes I meant31 years.), you are defininently worth plenty. Marriage and raising kids are two huge achievements that definently define your value to your family and partner.

Like you I struggle with self-worth and also display far more self-confidence than I feel , usually hidden behind my habit of self-deprecating humour and trying to make others laugh. I'm learning through this journey and  I've been taught my my support team of GP's and Psych and now BB is I spend too much time being a people pleaser to avoid looking at myself because of my own self-loathing.

As far as your pseudo-friend is concerned , that's about her/him not you.I've just been discussing in another thread in the staying well section with Narniakid how hurtful it is to find out who your friends aren't but how eventually and I'm going to be honest with you , painfully , this discovery and realisation will be.

The quote below I found in the inspirational quote section and it really hits the nail on the head.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss  

 Can I suggest you explore the forums and find out how many others are on the same journey, trust me, the company is great and so supportive. Plus I also found it helpful to ring the BBhelpline.There is so much positive and realistic support here, wish I'd found it years ago.Good luck and read on.

Take care of you, it's more than ok to do that. Big hugs and love from another Mum.

Yarnartisan.

[White_Rose]

Dear Jo-Candice

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Being a mom is a huge job. Bringing children into the world and nurturing them until they are able to care for themselves and be great people is an enormous achievement.  I think 'Mother' should be a recognised profession along with all the other professions. This is one area where you excel and have talent, though the job is taken for granted.

To do this and also manage your depression shows great determination and strength, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Many women lack self confidence because they are 'just a housewife'. Parenting is a skilled job requiring a multitude of skills. Usually dads get their recognition of worth because of their jobs and of course this also applies to women who also work outside of the home. Ironically, these women are put down because because it becomes convenient to say they should be bringing up their families as it is a full time job. Heads they win, tails you lose.

I don't want to make this a sexist debate. Just to point out an historical cause.

It is hard when a friend proves unhelpful. I would suggest you stay away from this person who is so lacking in knowledge and compassion. One thing I always ask is how much do you know about depression? Can I suggest you explore the blue tabs at the top of the page and read all about depression. I think you will find some help there.

Have you ever talked to your GP about your depression? I think it would be worth a visit to spill out all your feelings and ask for some help. My GP is a wonderful lady with a great deal of knowledge and experience with mental illness. If you are unsure about your GP and would prefer to go to someone else, then go to the end of this page and click on Find a Professional. This will take you to a page where you can search for a GP in your area. All the listed GPs have experience in helping people with things like depression. The list is searchable by postcode.

I hope you can get back to us and tell us how you are going.

Mary

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Jo-Candice and Welcome to the BB forums,

My self worth can be pretty low at times due to my depression. What do I do to help? Well I have this great book called:

"Self-esteem" by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning (third edition) ISBN 1572241985. Publisher - New Harbinger Publications.

A book mightn't be for everyone but this book is exceptional.

It focuses on obtaining and maintaining a healthy self-esteem. You are a great person just the way you are and this book shows you that. Your worth is a given. It is there because you exist! And it is the same value as others. You can become your own best friend looking out to safeguard your own mental health.

The book empowers you, it's something you can do by and for yourself. To change the way you feel about yourself, you need to change your thinking. This book provides this new thinking. You have something very special to offer the world, YOU!. The book has helped me enormously. I highly recommend it. Hope this is helpful to you.

TMB

P.S. I don't talk to anyone except one close friend about my illness. A few people know I have depression. So it is a secret to the rest of the world. Maybe one day when stigma is gone having depression won't be such a bad thing. It being secretive, and being unable to talk about it, doesn't help one's mental health at all, I think.

[Neil_1]

Dear Jo-Candice (or I might call you ‘JC’ for short)  🙂

Ok, so that’s not me displaying my own self-deprecating humour as yarnartisan so cleverly wrote – by the way yarn, I did enjoy that comment of yours.  And yes, we often do try to hide our illness by throwing on the old mask of depression and for a few hours a day, pretend to be someone else.  Pretend to be outgoing or to be a clown or silly and try to create humour – as we try so many different things, cause we simply are afraid to show ‘our true selves’.

I guess that’s ok for a while, and that’s just the way we deal with it.

I mean, when you look at some of the people who’ve been struck down with this horrible illness, masters of humour like:  Robin Williams and Peter Sellers, just to name two off the top of my head – but then, they REALLY excelled with what they did.

Boy, I’ve digressed majorly here JC – hope you’re still reading and haven’t nodded off yet.

Now when you say, you’ve battled depression all your life, let me say that you’ve been absolutely awesome – to have had this mongrel illness and yet, you’re happily married (which is a brilliant brilliant thing and something to be very proud of), a mum of 3 children (who I have no doubt would be so incredibly loved, looked after and being bought up in a loving environment), so you should be very proud of all of that and I hope you are.

I’m assuming here that hubby knows of your battles?  I hope you’ve got immediate support at home and that for sometimes you’re able to ‘unload’ the kids, so you can have some “me time” – I feel this is important, if nothing else, but to help recharge your batteries.

As others have mentioned, this person you described as a friend, well, I would be removing the “f” word when referring to them from now on and moreover, I’d be cutting them out of my life – we simply don’t need people like that around us – those kinds are toxic and not helpful to us at all.

Your final question would I feel be a resounding, “Yes”, with regard to “Do others live in secret with depression”.   Probably much more so in years gone by as the stigma of it is slowly being reduced by communication, by making it a public topic and by awesome organisations like Beyond Blue, the Black Dog Institute and other great places like this.

I’ve just about run out of my quota, but would love to hear back from you, as indeed, all of us would.

Neil

[Jo-Candice]

Thank you Yarnartisan for your encouraging words.

I gauge such a community spirit in this forum and reading through yours and everyone's posts has given me strength and hope. I especially like your Dr. Seuss quote!

I am thankful to have this forum to help with the not so good days. I have been to a gp and referred to see a psychologist to help me work on my confidence and self-worth.

Sending gratitude and happiness your way 😃

[Jo-Candice]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for reminding me that depression is a battle but we find the strength to carry on.

I have been uplifted by your kindness and I hope I can pass it on to the next person that needs it. 

This forum is definitely a safe place to share with people who can relate.

So thank you 👍

[Jo-Candice]

It sounds like an amazing book and I will check it out.

Thanks for the support and I hope you find confidence and self-worth that you want in your life  😃

[Jo-Candice]

Thanks Neil.

Yes I have a very supportive hubby but it's encouraging to talk to others who can relate.

We moved state 4 years ago and have no family here. It has been hard having no support with 3 young girls. But we have enjoyed it and are ready to move closer to home.

The move back closer will help bring a sense of belonging. Though this will be positive I realise I need to work on me. I like to be the person that helps so it's a change to ask for it.

I have been referred to meet with someond to discuss this and am thankful to have this forum to share with awesome people.

Thank you for taking the time to care 😃

[yarnartisan]

No worries,

we all support each other here. I've now got a file saved in my documents and whenever I see a helpful quote or particularly wise comment on BB I save it and then every now and then when I need a lift , have a look. I might even find a nice journal and start writing them down and add some pictures as well.

Anyhoo, here's the latest one I read I thought I'd share.

Use your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile.  

Take care of you,

Yarnatisan.